Lizzie Jones's Reviews > Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

Re-read:

The concepts taught in this book have had a dramatic impact on my life. I first read it ten years ago and since then I've talked about it continually with friends and family. I recommended it to yet another friend a few weeks ago and realized it might be high time for a re-read. It is still as poignant as when I first read it and I consider the information in this book crucial to my emotional intelligence and development. The principles of the law of the harvest and of personal responsibility are still the most valuable takeaways for me all these years later and because these principles are truly foundational to my interactions with others, I have to continue to rate this book 5 stars. It really was an absolute life-changer for me.

However, this book was written in the early 90's and it shows. Some examples and language are outdated. I know they've put out an updated version (this is just the version I have, so it is what I re-read) so I wonder if some of that has changed in their newer book, but be warned that it does feel like a 30 year old book sometimes. Still very applicable, just a little dated. It also can be a little dry as well, though practical. But if boundaries are something you struggle with, this book could potentially change your life like it did mine.
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Incredible book. It has helped me so much to consider how to navigate situations at work, at home and in social situations. I highly recommend it, especially if you don't especially love confrontations, like myself.

This is from the book's description: "Often Christians focus so on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limitations. Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend offer biblically based insights into how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves."

My dad recommended I read this book when I was in the middle of a difficult friendship. I felt put upon and walked over and didn't know how to change the expectations of this overly needy person in my life. I had assumed that the only option was to love her "as Christ would" and allow her to use my time, resources and patience as she needed. I had also assumed that due to my duty to love her as Christ would, I needed to "turn the other cheek" when she mistreated me or lost her temper, which was happening often. Through reading this, I was able to identify several things that were unhealthy and was given ideas on how to change the relationship while still being loving and consistent.

The book teaches about the law of the harvest and also helped me to understand that God is perfect at setting perfect boundaries. Although the authors are not of my own faith, I was able to apply all that they were expressing to my own beliefs. God is a perfect being who has certain requirements for anyone who wants to be in His company. He welcomes all of His children freely and without constraint but in order to carry the Spirit of the Lord, there are qualifications you must fulfill. This taught me that I can kindly welcome everyone into my life with open arms, so long as they understand that a respect for me, for those I love, and for what is important to me is something I am allowed to expect. It does not make me any less Christlike.