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Karina's Reviews > Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life
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... Not what I expected. I decided to read this after seeing some glowing reviews. So I opened the book, read the introduction "A Day in a Boundaryless Life" describing a day of a lady who's unable to refuse anyone but feels resentful and guilty about her resentfulness, and a couple of pages on the book. Then skipped to the end, "A Day in a Life with Boundaries", describing the same person who has successfully set boundaries, and doesn't hesitate to say "no" anymore. Well, it's not for me. In my view the person by the end of the book has went from one extreme to the other. Sure she may not have been able to handle all the tasks she took upon herself in the beginning, but surely she can sometimes make sacrifices but by the end it didn't look that way... I was sort of irritated with her both times. So I guess I don't really struggle with the boundaries; I know that there are times you need to make time for yourself ("take care of yourself, so you can better take care of others" principle). Indeed, I think I may be too much on the other side, of saying "no" too much (sort of).
Not going to read further...
Not going to read further...
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Reading Progress
December 2, 2009
– Shelved
Started Reading
December 16, 2009
– Shelved as:
christian
December 16, 2009
– Shelved as:
psychology
December 16, 2009
– Shelved as:
non-fiction
December 16, 2009
–
Finished Reading
May 16, 2016
– Shelved as:
never-finished
Comments Showing 1-34 of 34 (34 new)
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booklady
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rated it 5 stars
Dec 18, 2009 11:33AM
Interesting idea Karina! I was given this book as a gift and tried to read it but it didn't seem to help me much ... as is the case with most pop psychology. Based on what you write, I think I will pass on my copy and not try it again late.
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Since you already have a copy of the book, I urge you to at least read the second and third chapters before walking away. The chapters you read are illustrations of a composite person with all of the boundaries issues. They are not like the other chapters and it isn't really possible to judge the entire book by them alone. This really is an important book that I have personally witnessed help many people. Hope you give it another shot!
This book isn't actually about pop psychology. It may appear as such. I held off on reading it for about 15 years. When I finally read it, I was shocked at how relevant the message was. It's really just built on scriptural premises such as our having been created in the image of God and our responsibility to ourselves, God, and others. Without Gods grace, the book would be pop self-help, yes.
I'm in the same boat as Aaron. I put it off for years and was amazed at how awesome it is. I'd suggest reading some of the Actual chapters and not just the beginning and ending stories.
So many people recommended this book and I know BOUNDARIES are an issue for me. I just haven't been able to get into this book or appreciate its message. I told myself that I would try it again at a later date, but that date hasn't come yet.
Maybe you should read through the whole book before drawing conclusion
you missed the meat of the book - everything in between chapters 1 and the end. I recommend opening it up again. This book changed and literally saved my life from destructive relationships.
this isn't a book to only read the beginning and the end. you'd be surprised if the time is taken to read and make personal evaluation.
Thanks to all who kept endorsing this book--it kept it alive for me. I am not, generally speaking, a fan of psychology/self-help books. However, where we have a known weakness (in my case setting limits) we can learn from the experience of others. I downloaded this to my kindle the other day and have gotten past the first chapter this time. I can see value in what the authors write about and helpful ideas/suggestions. God bless!
Do not see how you could rate this book if you chose not to read it.
I thought the Day in a Boundaryless Life and Day in a Life with Boundaries were the worst parts of this book. But most of the stuff in between was helpful.
I think you have missed a piece of art by just looking the "cover". The MEAT is completely in the middle of the book not at the end. You won't understand any of the story without reading it completely!Sorry for you that you will miss it.
Well this is a terrible review. Who only reads the start and the end, then writes a review? Seriously!?!
I also couldn't get through this schlock. I think I have read too many good psychology books to be satisfied with this Christian radio, simplistic, preachy view of things.
Maybe u don't like the boundaries set on u......
not what i expected either. left unread
You can’t rate books unless you read it 😂
I read the start and end of your review. Well it's not for me.
I believe you CAN rate books without having read them. One star means you didn’t finish it because you chose not to. I appreciate this review. I’m not an atheist, but am a Christian. Evenso, the continual reference to what the Bible teaches, and the interpretations of the different bible verses, were not always appreciated by me. But I’ll save that for my own review.
I agree with you, Ellen, on your view of rating. If a book is so awful that I can’t get through a few chapters then it’s a “1” and I’m not going to waste my time. I use a “2” when I finish a book but doing some speed reading through meatless wonder. Too many good books out there to waste time on one that is irritating.
Just because it doesn't work for you, doesn't mean it should receive a bad review. Especially since you didn't read 95% of the book. You can't rate books unless you read them. That's ridiculous and childish.
Some reviews should be deleted...
you know you can write a review without rating it right? it doesn't seem fair to me give when you haven't even read 10% of it. peace
I can empathize where you are coming from. However it's like that Netflix show that a coworker recommends where the first episode is crap and you have to give it like two more episodes to really get into it. Chapter 2 is really where the education this book provides begins.the first chapter is a worse case scenario. But I gurantee as you read on, something is gonna make you go, "Yep that is me," or, "that's why the do that with me. Now I understand!"
I enjoy the irony of so many people being upset that Karina did not follow 'the rules' of writing reviews. The fact that people who read the entire book feel compelled to not only render judgment but assert onto another the criteria for the sharing of one's own opinion is amusing to me. I'm not sure which party missed more of the book.
You didn’t even read the book…. If you had, you’d understand how the ending DITL brings things full circle.
Why does a fictional character setting boundaies irritate you so much? hmm..
The story of the woman is literally an introduction to get a rhythm and at the end it caps it all of by a "best case scenario" if you apply the ideas of the book.The actual information is in between.
I don't understand how you can rate a book and the summary of your rating is "I haven't read this book but I feel I would not have liked it.
I absolutely agree Karina. I only read the introduction. Though boundary issues were evident, it ignored complex issues of modern family life and placed all blame on the mother. It appeared to be a sexist answer to the current debate of division of labor.
If you only read the introduction, the sexism you see IS the problem-the book explains how to fix that with a clear division of labor, where people are actually respectful partners to each other. In my view, writing a review for a book you have barely cracked the cover of is as ignorant as talking about how awful a place is that you have never been to. To others, I suppose, ignorance is bliss and where they feel they are always right.
Personally, I was early turned of by the first two chapters myself, but I intentionally stretch myself with opinions I disagree with, especially if they are popular, and so I kept reading. To my surprise, I found by chapter 4 that the authors had both avoided the pitfalls I felt they were sure to make (oversimplifying things, putting the blame and or responsibility too much on one person or another) and began to share very insightful content. I would really encourage people to give it a shot—if it’s not for you it’s more likely to be how strongly it draws from the values of the Bible, rather than some perception of it being sexist or naive! The blame is not assigned to any one person, but it IS based on the old maxim, “You can’t control what others do, only how you react.”
“I only read 4 pages and it’s nOt wHaT I eXpEcTeD!”
