Jeff Bobin's Reviews > Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

We all want people that we feel safe with. As a pastor I want people to feel safe when they talk with me and at times share intimate details of their lives with me. I picked this book up because I was serving a church where there seemed to be a mistrust of pastors from the time I arrived. I was a little taken back by that since everywhere else I had served people tended to trust me from the time I arrived and that trust would even deepen as we developed relationships and learned to be vulnerable with one another. I was looking to understand why people felt unsafe and to help them know that I was a safe person in their life.

What I discovered that there had been at least 3 pastors that had inappropriate relationships while serving this church and one of them ran off with two different women within a few weeks of one another. I also found that they suspected that at least one pastor had used funds inappropriately as well. They had reason not to trust and I wanted to rebuild that trust so I bought a book on safe people to make sure I was one of them.

Before I began to read the book two men in my life that thought I could trust and be vulnerable with betrayed that trust and used it to create further harm for me and my family. I had trusted them because of the position that held and one that I had know for more than a decade I thought of as a friend. I obviously needed to learn about who to trust and how to develop better boundaries in my life. Who better to turn to than Cloud and Townsend, the experts on boundaries. They did not disappoint.

What I have discovered it that I need to listen more carefully about what other people are telling me about someone and their experience with them. Looking back I can see a pattern in many of the relationships that have caused me pain that I could of avoided if I had been paying more attention to the traits these people exhibited not just with me but many others. Safe People will help you better evaluate your relationships and how to see when someone can't be expected to be a safe person for you to share with.

I also learned a number of things about myself that may have made other people feel unsafe with me and I think I will be a better spouse, parent, pastor and friend because of what I have learned. Everything I read I tend to look for myself in it so that I can grow and become a better person.

I tend to believe that the majority of relationships are worth the investment to try and make them better and the final chapter challenges us to do exactly that. It takes a few pages to help us understand when to continue investing in a relationship and when we should walk away and be willing to give it up. The truth is that both come with costs.

I recommend this book to anyone that wants better relationships but to those especially that have been hurt by people they thought they could trust. It will help to develop the courage to try again if you are willing to take the risk and experience the rewards.