“Daddy, what’s a WAP?” It was my eight year old daughter who asked me this question back in September. We’d just finished her English comprehension about Hadrian’s Wall. I fell silent; three seconds felt like three minutes. Firstly, I wanted to know where she’d heard that particular song. “It’s on your Spotify playlist, under ‘Johnny’s Bangerz’.” Ah, right. Note to self: I must change my password. Again.
Did she listen to it? “Just the once. I didn’t really understand it but I heard you talking about WAP on the phone. It’s catchy.” Well, firstly, maybe stay off that playlist, darling. Secondly, WAP stands for... ‘wireless application protocol.’ It’s the little device in phones and laptops that allows them to connect to the internet, wirelessly. That song is about, erm, connectivity. Got that? My daughter threw me a look that would make Melania Trump’s botox spasm then melt into her Maga-branded red coffee mug. “Yeah, sure.”
When the song “WAP” exploded onto playlists and into locked-down households across the globe this summer, concerned Middle England Brexiter parents and shrieking Bible-clutching conservatives alike took to the internet to brand the song’s authors – rappers Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion – abhorrent she-devils. Some screamed these were women who would turn their children into twerking delinquents and partners into depraved horn dogs. “Silence them! Ban them! Burn them!”
Remember in 2000 when Eminem was rapping about – among many other heinous things – sexually assaulting and killing his own mother? ("Oh, now he's raping his own mother, abusing a whore / Snorting coke and we gave him the Rolling Stone cover?" from “Kill You".) The outrage this time was similar, but, thanks to social media, quicker and more combustible. Also this time around the artists were women, and female rappers – from Lil' Kim to Missy Elliott – have always had a rougher ride than their male, often cruder and coarser, counterparts. Men rapping about violence, taking drugs and being promiscuous has often been heralded as triumphant, normalised even; when women do the same they are scorned for being anti-feminist and out of control.
Megan, however, is forever unapologetic. With its graphic, almost Manga-style imagery of empowered female sexuality – “I want you to park that big Mack truck right in this little garage / Make it cream, make me scream / Out in public, make a scene” – “WAP” went straight to the top of the charts and straight into innumerable comment columns, some proclaiming its genius, but many deriding its moral bankruptcy. Nothing still so divides one’s approach to female empowerment, seemingly.
I, for one, love “WAP” and Megan. It’s near perfect pop, pop so precise, so 2020, it’s like it’s been made in a laboratory alongside Bad Bunny’s Crocs and Dua Lipa’s sparkly unitard. “WAP” is as catchy as mid-era Kylie Minogue, yet as sexy and provocative as Prince in full seductive flight. Megan makes The Weeknd look like a moaning, dewy-eyed lost puppy and makes music the listeners (whatever gender they identify as) want to lose their inhibitions to. As an artist Megan is sexy, powerful, aspirational and a heap of fun. What’s not to celebrate here?
No one has had a better year than Megan Thee Stallion and few stars have had such a rapid rise. Ever since she released her first mixtape, Fever, Megan has provided her “stanning” army of fans (she calls them her “hotties”) with an Instagram-ready icon designed to piss off the very people her listeners want to piss off: moralistic parents.
In March, Megan released “Savage”, a song that caught ablaze when Tiktokers used the booming staccato anthem as background for a bonkers dance craze. (I tried it. I failed. My children cackled.) The song ballooned into a monstrous smash hit; the subsequent remix that featured Beyoncé – *sound pop klaxon* – helped make it one of the biggest tracks of 2020 and Megan one of the industry’s most in-demand artists.
Last month, Megan released Good News, her debut album that – despite being made amid a raging pandemic and while she was recovering from a gunshot wound – is positive, playful and powerful. “Body”, the album’s lead single and a song written during quarantine, is about as Megan as a song can get, bouncing along hypnotically on a thick bassline with lyrics about “lil waists” and “big”… well, listen to it. And, of course, it’s perfect for TikTok.
Did I mention the four Grammy nominations? Those too. Whether she likes it or not (one suspects she likes it a great deal) the Houston rapper is as mainstream as a Pixar film. Just, you know, an R-rated one. She’s an artist who seems most at home while making big bombastic statements; if your jaw is not on the floor, Megan figures she’s not doing “her” right.
So, right before the holidays, for a very special GQ Hype, we caught up with the global superstar to reflect on her incredible 2020, what she’s hoping for under the tree come Christmas morning and how men – like you and me and your neighbour – might have a merrier Christmas. Or should that be merrier WAP-mas? Oh, and if my eight-year-old daughter is reading this surreptitiously, well, good for you, Gigi. Read on. Megan Thee Stallion: the real wonder woman role model we could all do with being less outraged by and more under the influence of.
Hi, Megan. Happy holidays from British GQ. So what’s the first thing you'll do on Christmas morning?
I really, really, really love the holidays, so I’m always super excited for Christmas morning. I hope to be home with my family, so I hope I'm watching them open their gifts and trying to keep them away from the dogs.
Which is the hottest Christmas song of all time: Mariah Carey's “All I Want For Christmas Is You”, “Last Christmas” by Wham!, or “Christmas In Hollis” by Run DMC?
I love them all, but if I had to pick one it would have to be Mariah. She’s the number one Christmas hottie and an icon.
Other than world peace and justice for all, what else is on your Christmas list this year?
My wish would be for young women everywhere to have equal access to education and to know that they are amazing, valuable and can accomplish whatever they put their minds to. I want all my hotties to know their power and be confident in themselves.
What's the greatest present you ever received from someone at Christmas?
Don’t get me wrong, I love gifts, but my favourite gift of all time has to simply be memories of having all my family and loved ones together. Every moment with the people you love is a blessing.
What would a “Savage” Christmas dinner look like?
You gotta have the full spread of food. I’m talking all the turkey, all the dressing, baked potatoes, greens, mac and cheese – all of it. Everybody is gonna eat! The most important thing is just getting everybody together, turning up, having fun and making memories. It’s the time of year to really pause and be grateful for everything and take time to think about what you want for the year ahead. That’s a “Savage” Christmas dinner.
It’s been a hard year for people everywhere: what advice would you give to those having a tough time?
Firstly, it’s OK to not be OK. So much has gone on this year in ways nobody ever thought possible, so I don’t think you should be hard on yourself if you’ve been struggling, The most important thing is to try and have hope, to know that it’s going to be better, that tomorrow is a new day and you never know what good news is around the corner. Be kind to yourself too. Try to always see your value and know your worth. Seek out those around you, ask for help if you need it and don’t be ashamed. You are amazing, you are special and you are loved!
What has been your most unexpected achievement this year, in a year so full of achievements?
I have had such a crazy year, I don’t think it’s even fully sunk in yet. Every single moment has been so important and special to me. I’d say the biggest surprise was getting four Grammy nominations, especially because I was told live while I was reading nominations. I really had no idea it was coming. It’s like, damn, your girl is Grammy-nominated, not once but four times! It really caught me off guard and I’m so grateful for the recognition.
What is the new year’s resolution you will be trying to keep?
Eating healthy and maintaining my skincare regime. It's hard to keep up a solid routine when I work so much, but I’m determined to nail it down consistently because I want to stay healthy with a flawless complexion!
Even Santa likes a drop of whiskey: what will you be toasting life with this Christmas season?
All my real hotties already know it’s gotta be D'Ussé. I am the original "Cognac Queen", after all.
Why do some men (and some women) get scared of women who want to own sex for themselves?
Some people just don’t know what to do when a woman is in control and taking ownership of her own body. I feel like for a long time men felt like they owned sex and now women are saying, “Hey, this is for me. I want pleasure. This is how I want it or don’t want it,” it freaks men the hell out. It just comes from a place of fear and insecurity, like why would anyone be mad about my WAP? It belongs to me.
What advice can you give men on how to spoil their partners this Christmas?
First off, you should always be showing your partner love and respect, but it’s always a good time to make sure they really know how much you care at Christmas. It’s not all about money. It’s about the thought you put into it. But if you’re stuck, y’all know everybody loves ice, so I don’t think anybody will be mad at jewellery.
Good News is out now.
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