How can you use active listening to regulate your emotions?

Active listening seems to be active listening to self and not just others. Dr Alan Watkins would fully concur with the importance of identifying your emotions but would stress how difficult this can be and that there are so many more emotions than we think which is linked to Daniel Goleman's work. Labelling the emotion is a feature of Daniel Siegal's concept of 'affect labelling,' which can calm the system down. In terms of the mechanism and the connection with actively listening to others - 'primal empathy' and the concept of mirror neurons would be a significant feature. Nancy Kline's thinking environment would provide the quality of cognitive perspective taking you talk about later in the discourse. Expressing need is R Marshall's work

Labelling emotions in this way increases understanding between people while diminishing the power those emotions hold over us.

Active listening involves giving the speaker your undivided attention and responding thoughtfully. Instead of immediately reacting with emotional intensity, active listening encourages you to pause, reflect, and choose your words carefully. This intentional response can help regulate emotions and promote more rational and constructive conversations. When practicing active listening, you aim to validate the speaker's emotions and experiences by acknowledging their feelings and offering support. Engaging in empathetic exchanges can create a sense of connection and emotional validation, which can be beneficial for managing your own emotions as well.

Most times, active listening solves half of the problem. People today have a lot of friends online and a busy social life but when it comes to someone who can listen to us bickering at length, we usually find ourself alone. Active listening not just strengthens relationships between two people and helps the one in problem feel better, it also makes the listener, more empathetic and humble. In that process, we try to introspect more and try to become a better version of ourself by confronting our emotions.

One thing i have found helpful is actively listening helps me direct my attention to the speaker and their words. This can divert my mind from my own emotions and concerns, providing a temporary break from negative or overwhelming feelings.

Assertive communication is one of the most beautiful ways to communicate your feelings or ask for a behavior change. The recipe for assertive communication is very simple. Like a cake with three layers: 1. communicate a fact that is not disputable. For example, your friend again came late for a meeting, which bothers you. You could communicate: “Dear Maria, we agreed to meet at 10:00, and you arrived at 10:30.” 2. Communicate your emotions. They are facts as well. For example: “That makes me feel sad, as you do not care for our friendship.” 3. Communicate a request for a change. “Will you please respect our agreements in the future?”

Expressing your emotions is a valuable way to connect with your feelings and maintain self-control on an emotional level. While I typically make rational calculations for tasks at hand, I also listen to my heart, which guides me in determining if something is right or wrong. If it resonates positively with me, I'll proceed with it. If it elicits a negative feeling, I'll set it aside, regardless of the circumstances.

Absolutely, active listening molds us into more authentic communicators. It encourages an environment where feelings are recognized, validated, and addressed, fostering trust and minimizing potential conflict

I have noticed that many people I have coached tend to struggle with expressing their emotions and often bottle them up.2 CEO,s ,1 whom i coached and 1 whose team member I coached had habit of bottling up emotions and one day instantaneously used to share the whole narratives in very aggressive tone which kept their employees away from them and reduced their credibility as leader. I observed that People choose not to express their emotions for various reasons: People pleasers tendencies and Fear of conflict or confrontation which lead them to suppression of emotions to maintain harmony in relationships. Expressing emotions can make people feel vulnerable, and some see this as a sign of weakness, leading to reluctance.

Active listening makes the speaker feel heard and validated, and strengthens relationships - even if you don’t share one another’s perspective. A lot of time can be saved by being fully present the first time you discuss a topic. I find meditation helps tremendously: practicing letting go of distracting thoughts makes for a more tranquil workday, as well as stronger active listening skills.

The goal isn't to alter your assumptions and beliefs, but to deepen your understanding of them. Like many emotional intelligence activities, it's about the voyage of self-exploration. Which belief will you reexamine today? Here's how: 1) Pinpoint a Belief: Reflect on a strong conviction you hold, whether about yourself, others, or the world. 2) Uncover Its Origin: Understand why you hold this view. What events or influences shaped it? 3) Explore Alternatives: Imagine if the contrary of your belief was true. This step encourages viewing situations from varied perspectives.

This is a tricky area when people think that they need to evaluate their emotions because that may trigger a dangerous critic to emerge. That causes a person to judge themselves or others. I think that an alternative of assessing and clarifying an emotion opens a curiosity/learning element where a person can explore ‘What they are feeling’ and ‘Why, or where is that emotion coming from?’ This takes time to master, however the process of analysis is something our ‘fast brain’ struggles with, so our ‘slow brain’ has a chance to reflect and process.

Evaluating our emotions in the context of a situation is a critical aspect of emotional intelligence and personal growth. Active listening plays a pivotal role in this process, as it allows us to connect our emotions to the triggers present in a conversation or dialogue.

You must be aware though that our reactions are hijacked by our conditioning that is the operating system of your life. Our habits consist 95% of our day and will get emotions to surface much quicker than what we consciously feel. The challenge with emotions remains in transforming the way we think by unlearning what no longer work for us and replacing it with new thoughts that become with repetition and experience our new operating system. It takes self-awareness, Mindfulness and inner peace to evaluate your emotional state and take control of your reactions.

Your point about evaluating your emotions is quite valid. This skill develops with practice, and the more you trust your emotions and put them to work, the more you will enrich your experience of life in a unique way that sets you apart. In essence, you need to delve into your emotions to create space for them.

The key to this is in the Active Listening itself. When we use Active Listening, we are removing ourselves from the emotional response that we may inherently feel. We can use the knowledge of ourselves to navigate and regulate any emotional responses that may help or hinder the resolution.

Being reactive or being proactive is a choice. The first step is looking objectively at yourself, recognizing what is causing you to feel concerned or fearful. We all fear loss of safety and security and if you understand what gives you that feeling of security and what threatens your feeling of security, you can articulate it so others understand and support you and also so that you can be proactive and get back in balance.

A reframe I find particularly helpful when it comes to choosing a more resourceful emotional state for myself is shifting from model operators of necessity e.g. "I should feel this way or I must feel this way" to model operators of possibility "I'd prefer it if I felt this way..." For me, this helps to remove judgement on the emotional states that I feel and therefore helps me to regulate it more quickly.

These are all fitting examples of behavioral techniques to choose emotions. I would add that one may want to take a moment to oneself before taking any action. Really listen by playing back what you heard instead of doing or saying the first thing that comes to mind. Then use the aformetnioned techniquess to choose your emotions/responses.

We can't really "choose" our emotions. Sure we can change our perspective or reframe a situation to shift our thoughts or beliefs about it, but our emotions are a reaction to a stimulus that we can't control. It helps to remember that emotions aren't good or bad, they are neutral. Instead of trying to "choose an emotion," we can observe it, decipher the message the emotion has for us, then take action in line with our aspirational self. This is the process of managing our emotions so they don't later hijack our behavior or mindset.

Taking action based on your emotions is essential, whether the situation is positive or negative. This is the fundamental key to mastering your emotions.

Active listening will definitely give you the upper hand in controlling any type of situation, by keeping your emotions under check.

It is also important to sit and be with our emotions. Listen to own emotions, and not avoid nor escape from it. A lot of people do not do this enough, and move on to finding solutions externally than listening in internally because 'we are afraid to get hurt' as it can be 'quite painful' when we face the truth of things... When we avoid, we do not get in touch deep enough the true essence of why we always repeat certain emotional reactions and behaviours. Talk to self gently as you go on this regular self discovery through active listening inwards. It is part of a good reflection practice.

The best question to ask oneself (after being present and identifying ones emotions) is "why?". Why am I feeling this way? And then just listen. One of my favorite resources on emotional intelligence and understanding one's mind is Eckhart Tolle. Understanding that "You are not your mind, you are not your emotions" is very empowering, because it lets you not just be caught up in the stream of emotions and succumb to a knee-jerk reaction. Because you give yourself some distance, you're able to view emotions in a more objective light and you can decide to learn from them and seek a different, more empowering path. If a boss' feedback makes you angry, controlling emotion may let you listen and understand that maybe they have a point.

Emotions are data points that provide information about you. Don’t ignore them, as little as you think it’s important. Use the power of the pause to recognise your emotions, examine the cause of it, assess the severity of it, and decide how you might want to deal with it if it’s a chronic one that keeps coming back to haunt you. The lack of being in touch to our emotions causes numbing which spirals down to many other issues. The person who is attuned to their own emotions makes much better decisions in every area of their lives.

I love incorporating additional tools such as SCARF or Genos EI Assessments. Adding some structured approach and quantitative and qualitative insights helps a person "listen" holistically to what triggers them and the perceptions of others about the client's behaviors. The topic of EI is still finding its way to be wanted/included in leadership development, though it is definitely inevitable to be among the most important leadership skills.

This step is one that should come much earlier in the process of regulating emotions. First, feel them. Then, process them. In doing so, you start learning from them. Then, if what you have learnt suggests it, THEN you can evaluate and act on your emotions. But actually sometimes what you need to do is not 'do' something with your feelings, but simply ... feel them.

As humans, we are all emotional beings (and that is our superpower). Let's take away the stigma of being "emotional" and work on mastering our true emotions and leveraging them for the betterment of ourselves and others around us.

I find that by pausing, and paying attention to what is being said behind the words helps. Tune into the feelings and emotions and concerns during conversation, including your own. Check in with the other person to ensure what you’re hearing (and what you’re sensing) is correct. It’s all too easy to respond in the moment, particularly if someone’s words have triggered. Active listening can really help to focus the mind and slow down speed of response - swift and speedy response is not always helpful in the heat of the moment.

Listening is Hard . My reporting boss use to say as a nation we are poor listener. Normally we do for reply or pretend to listen,once we are in active listening we actually start learning/ understanding .

I've found that one of the pitfalls of NOT engaging in active listening is unconsciously moving to solution rather than first gaining a full perspective. For me, it's because I have an empathetic heart and I'm a serial helper - that's my emotional state, running the show. In these moments we need to identify and evaluate our emotions as they align with the needs of our peer. This means taking time to receive information rather than give it. • Provide our peer with the floor • Give verbal/non-verbal cues that show you're following the conversation • Address their emotional state • Ask clarifying questions • Summarize your understanding of the situation as described • Ask your peer if they're willing to consider your suggestion

The idea of 'regulating' emotions is a fairly limited one. I would avoid this language: it sets up the idea that feelings are there to be managed, when they are actually there to be felt. Emotions are data sources. Regulating your emotions to find some idyllic neutral constant is akin to manipulating statistical data so it forms a nice understandable bell curve. Life isn't like that! Our emotions exist to give us crucial information about our experience to help us change our experience. Regulating yourself down from, for example, constantly feeling angry will not change the circumstances that are contributing to your feelings of anger - both internal and external. Emotions are not there to be 'solved'. They are there to be experienced.