Fostering Resilience

This is the first module of the Resilient Warrior Masterclass designed and created by Dr KJ Foster to help individuals, family members, and counselors working in the field of addiction recovery. This is the first time this Addiction and Codependency Recovery Masterclass is being offered for free. The additional modules for this addiction recovery training will be released over the next several weeks. I hope this helps you, someone you love or someone you work with to have hope and achieve successful recovery. #addiction #codependency #sobriety https://lnkd.in/eEeUu_E8

New Fostering Resilience Meditation

Latest YouTube video from Fostering Resilience is now live!

Just in case you haven't been told lately 😉

Remember, every day is an opportunity to become a stronger, healthier version of yourself. Trust in your ability to overcome challenges, and hold onto the belief that you have the strength to maintain your path. You are capable, you are resilient, and you are worthy of a vibrant, fulfilling life. Stay focused on your goals, and keep pushing forward with courage and conviction. You’ve got this!

I love this metaphor of the mountain as the miracle ✨️ If you are battling addiction and can achieve successful recovery (whatever that looks like or means to you), then that is certainly a significant achievement, and for many, a miracle ✨️ One might think of the recovery process as climbing a mountain of sorts, and that might be true for some people ✨️ For me, however, the view of the mountain is that of my own strength and resilience, which has developed as the result of my recovery process. Achieving successful sobriety wasn't the glorious challenge of a climb UP to the top of a mountain but more like a climb OUT of a deep dark pit of despair. Once I successfully got out of the pit (without falling back down into it and having to start the painful process of climbing back out all over again), I could finally start to see and experience the glorious nature of the mountain within me. Consider the very nature of what a mountain represents. It's solid, sturdy, steadfast, and is unwavering while enduring all kinds of different weather (sun, rain, snow, storms). I love the comparison in Jon Kabat-Zinn's Mountain Meditation of our thoughts and feelings being like the weather, and we are the mountain. As the storm rages, the mountain just sits, rooted in the earth, unwavering and steadfast I AM the mountain ⛰️ I AM the miracle ✨️

Aside from my sobriety, learning to set healthy boundaries is one of the greatest gifts I have given to myself. And both have been super hard to accomplish. In fact, I still struggle with maintaining my healthy boundaries. As a recovering people pleaser, I get tripped up by that one word that I still find so incredibly difficult to say... It's the word "No" It's seems like it would be such a simple word to say, right? But, if you're anything like me, you can probably relate to just how hard it is to get that little sucker from my head to my lips. I've sometimes found myself in circumstances where I'm screaming, "No! Absolutely Not!! There is no way I'm doing that!!! No, no, no!!" in my head 😱 And then what happens? Yup! I smile and respond, "Yes, sure." 😊 Only to then beat myself up for saying yes, when saying yes, just compromised my priorities. Why? Because as a people pleaser, I was more concerned about your feelings than my own. This is where it can be misconstrued that placing importance and value on your own feelings and priorities is selfish. This is absolutely false! Practicing healthy boundaries is the greatest form of self-love. As Brene Brown says, it takes courage because you ARE going to disappoint people! But if you continue to disappoint yourself, you are eventually going to feel angry, resentful and overwhelmed. If it's between disappointing yourself and compromising your own values or disappointing the other person? The answer is always going to be to disappoint the other person. It's just going to take some practice to get comfortable with it, which is why it's a skill. It's not a skill I have in any way perfected, but I'm certainly WAY better than I used to be. My biggest challenge with saying "no" is falling into the trap of explaining myself. This has caused more issues than if I had just said, "No" period, the end. Because when you explain yourself, it sets you up for a potential debate of the validity of your reason for saying "no." When the truth is that you don't owe anyone an explanation. Remember, "no" is a complete sentence. My personal favorite "no, but I appreciate you thinking of me." ❤️

Brene Brown's research taught us that shame grows exponentially stronger through 1) Secrecy 2) Silence and 3) Judgment. Her famous TedTalk on shame, influenced my decision to research shame's role in addiction relapse as my PhD dissertation project. That research supported my theory that shame is significant to substance use disorder relapse and psychological wellbeing. I wasn't at all surprised by the outcome. I think it's easy to understand the role Secrecy, Silence and Judgement play when it comes to addiction, as well as the role of their Master ~ SHAME! That being said, this doesn't mean there has to be any trauma or deep dark secrets driving the experience of addiction. In other words, one does not necessarily dictate the other, even though we do have research to support the following... Is it true that ACEs (Adverse Childhood Events) make a person 3 times more likely to use alcohol or drugs? 💯 Is it true this also puts that person at much greater risk for developing mental health and / or substance use issues later in life? 💯 Is it true that 90% of alcoholic women were sexually abused as children? 💯 Is it true there is a link between adoption and addiction? 💯 Of course, that doesn't mean everyone who has experienced an ACE or every woman who has experienced sexual abuse or every person who has ever been adopted will experience an addiction. Similarly, it doesn't mean you have to have experienced ANY trauma AT ALL to ultimately experience an addiction! I have treated many individuals who were in despair because they couldn't identify a specific catalyst for their addiction. And that's where the SHAME of the addiction is actually the catalyst that drives the trauma. Even for the person who has lived a life free from strife, with a perfect childhood, no ACEs and no identifiable trauma at all. Here is the truth... There is, in fact, trauma! Because the trauma is the addiction experience itself!! That is where the SHAME comes in! No other illness carries with it such shame and stigma. Let alone the shame that comes with any trauma experience that is out of your control! Be a part of changing the narrative around substance use disorders and practice shame resilience ❤️

I have a vivid memory of the early days of sobriety, sometime during the first few months, or it could've even been as early as the first few weeks. I was driving to work, completely freaking out over a bill that I couldn't afford to pay, and dumping all of my anxiety onto my sober mentor, who I was speaking to on the phone as I was driving. After listening to me patiently, she interrupted my verbal rumination by asking me the following question, "where are your feet right now?" A little bewildered at first, I took a minute to think and then replied, "Um, my feet are here in the car." She then asked, "Where are you going?" Somewhat frustrated by the fact that she was asking me to state the obvious (picture eyes rolling), I sighed and responded, "I'm going to work." She then said, "I want you to start to focus on where your feet are and what you need to do next. That's it. Nothing else. Just keep focusing on what you need to do next." It definitely shut me up and stopped the rumination as I considered this seemingly simple assignment. The best part, however, is what she said next, "Oh, and there's something else I want you to do." I was genuinely curious now because the whole focusing on the feet thing was actually starting to bring down my anxiety. She then shared one of the best pieces of advice I've ever been given... "I want you to start looking for the miracles!" After a brief pause for emphasis, she went on... "Because they're happening every day, all around you. And you'll start to see them if you're actively looking for them. I promise! Even better, look for them and start to anticipate them." I can't remember what I said next, but I can tell you that I followed her instructions and it started slowly but I started to see miracles! Miracles that I otherwise would not have noticed. Scientifically, a miracle might be seen as an improbable event, but spiritually and emotionally, miracles are signs that no matter the obstacles, there is always a chance for a turn of fortune, a glimpse of hope. When we believe that miracles can occur daily, we open ourselves to the possibility of joy and positive anticipation. Believe ✨️

My decision to stop drinking alcohol was one of my first true acts of self-love. And, it was one of the hardest things I've ever done! Also, I could not have done it by myself. In fact, the truth is that I tried to do it on my own many, many times, and I did not succeed. I spent 5 years relapsing over and over again, stubbornly relying on my own willpower. I lasted 2 weeks, 30 days, 3 months, and 9 months. It wasn't until I allowed other people to support me and share their strength with me that I was able to finally stay stopped. As of today, I have 5750 Days 💪🙏🙌 When I first started, I thought one year was an impossible feat. To the extent that I thought anyone who claimed years of sobriety must be lying. It was that impossible to imagine. So, if you're struggling and it's been a rough road for you, or even just a rough day today, know that you're not alone and you got this!! Let people help you and share their strength with you 💪🙏🌞 I am grateful for all the people who supported me along the way and those who continue to support, encourage, and share their strength with me when I need it. And even though YOU ARE so much stronger than you know, with a wealth of strength inside you that you most likely haven't even tapped into yet, this journey is not meant to be a solo process. We are not meant to live as independent beings. We are designed for connection. True independence is an illusion. Asking for help AND accepting that help was an act of strength, with a powerful ripple effect that keeps on flowing each and every day I continue to choose self-love ❤️ Keep going. You got this!