Cait Donovan 🍳

If you're reading something like this, you probably already didn't control your reactions, so this piece of advice is mute. Additionally, if you're burnt out, you might have less control over your reactions.

Once you've checked in with your physical state and remembered that you're human and you're allowed to have bad moments - find the person involved and apologize. If you figured out that you haven't had any water all day and you didn't sleep last night - you can move forward with a simple apology. It might sound like this, "Hi (X), I'm sorry for how I behaved earlier. That isn't how I want to react, nor is it how I want our relationship to be. I apologize". If you figured out that you're perfectly fueled and resourced, you might need to dig deeper into the true causes of this disruption. Are there deeper relationship conflicts that need attention?

Your emotional intelligence is never tested. Your ability to apply that intelligence in the form of emotional management is tested. This question seems to be asking, "What should you do if you've acted in a way that you're uncomfortable with and is out of alignment with who you believe yourself to be?" I believe step 1 in this case, before we acknowledge your feelings, is acknowledging your human-ness. Then, step 2, look into your overall energy. Studies at WHOOP have shown that we lose 5-10% of our emotional management strength for every 45 mins of sleep we didn't get the night prior. So check in - have you slept? Are you hydrated? Did you eat well? Emotional management is about your emotions - but it is also about your overall state!

In my experience, this is something that happens way down the line in burnout recovery. This is not a first stage piece of advice. If you’re burnt out and feel unable to do this, it’s not you - it’s this advice.

Before you do this - do some life pruning. When you’re burnt out, adding things to your plate is a bad idea. Find things that can be taken off first. Make space, make room, create white space in your life. Then decide on what recharging item you can add. The next stage is Foundational Self Care. This means that you pay really close attention to what your body needs and then respond accordingly. Have some water when you are thirsty. Rest when you’re tired. Pee when you have to pee - and so on. This isn’t technically adding anything to your life. It is more focused on reinstating your interoception - how you experience and respond to your body. Growing this skill is paramount in n burnout recovery.

This advice to find the source is only half correct. Burnout typically has life long factors that contribute to its occurrence. If you identify the current stressor - you’ll probably have found about 10% of the problem. The rest you’ll likely need help and support unwinding. Additionally, once you are experiencing burnout warning signs, there are already physiological changes in your body and brain that have taken place. Therefore, even if you remove what you are considering the main stressor(s), you still have some healing to do which may require outside support (anything from coaching to therapy to nutritional support to meditation, acupuncture, or other modalities).