Lisa Gates

When a client becomes emotional, honor the moment. Allow it to become the subject of the conversation. Pulling people away from their feelings in service of goals is not productive--it's avoiding your own discomfort. So follow your client's lead and be patient. Ask them to stay with themselves and name the feeling attached to those tears. Ask, "where do you feel this in your body?" As my coach colleague Jay Fields would say, naming the feeling and locating it in your body allows the client to develop a "felt resource" as opposed to using your head to "figure things out" and move away from the feeling. By staying with the feeling, often a "clearing" occurs that makes goals and momentum more achievable--if not in the moment, soon after.

As a Linkedin Learning instructor (negotiation, coaching and developing people, conflict resolution) I receive a lot of requests for blended learning. That is, people in an organization all watch a course, and then I facilitate an online conversation around specific issues and challenges related to the topic.

Before doing anything suggested in this post it’s imperative to gain clarity. Ask yourself: What are my goals—in this organization and beyond? Why are those goals important? What do I want to be known for? What’s in the way of my visibility? Is it me? Or is it structural? Baked into the culture? Having that kind of foundational clarity will help you identify where to focus your attention next.

Your mission statement will ultimately be used in a several contexts: job interviews, promotion/review conversations, networking, etc. The missing piece here is tying everything to the interests and needs of the other person. Here's a promotion/raise example that ties everything together: "I use my strategic thinking and relationship building strengths to lead people and generate loyal customers. As a result our team turned around the underperformance of Product X and increased sales by X. We're on target to double that this year, while also taking on Product Y. I believe the value of that turnaround and the goals we're poised to deliver this year is worth a promotion and a market value raise. How can we work together to make that so?"

Before even setting the rules of engagement it’s wise to wonder who should be at the table. Are the participants the same old cast of characters? Do you have a diversity of voices? Or if you’re already at the table you might ask to include voices that may not be “key” stakeholders but lend great perspectives and insights, or have a significant role in the decisions resulting from the debate.

I think the premise of this article is a bit off. While some people may need and want longer term coaching to get clear about their why, how and what, and get in action, the goal of the coach is not to keep their clients forever. Or even long term. I always tell my clients that I'm going to push them out of the nest when I see they are ready (or they see it for themselves). And sometimes as clients grow and accomplish and change, I suggest that another coach might be betteer able to help them achieve new goals.