Sally Wolf

When sharing personal stories, one thing to consider is whether you yourself have processed the experience enough to share it. If something is brand new, or even if you are still in the middle of a trying experience, make sure you reflect before sharing on stage. Perhaps consider whether one piece of it is sufficiently complete that you can talk about it in a way where you share specific lessons. If so, great, but if not, and if you're still "in it", you risk shifting the audience from active listening/learning to almost feeling as if they need to support you. The LI tip about stories having an end can help you gauge readiness to share. The experience need not be over - I speak regularly about cancer - but each story within it needs an end.

Being clear on your own purpose for speaking at any specific event will help you to ensure your success. Part of this requires an openness to tailoring your message to each group. Early in my speaking career, I was one of two inspirational speakers at an offsite. I had customized much of my talk for what I knew were the CEO's goals for the offsite an the company culture. The other speaker had far more experience and, while I read many parts of my talk, she had hers memorized. That said, her talk was "off the shelf," and the attendees knew that. It didn't feel as relevant to their company or their challenges. And more than anything else, the audience wants to feel connected to YOU, your words, your presence there. Understanding that is key.

When possible, arrive early to connect with a few folks before your talk. That can help you feel more comfortable before taking the stage, plus you may learn something relevant and timely you can incorporate / reference in your talk. But even if that doesn't happen, you'll have some friendly allies in the audience. If you don't have that opportunity to arrive early, look for the nodders and smilers early on in your remarks. They're usually easy to spot and they are super helpful to use throughout as pulse checks as they are engaged from the outset. Flip side: don't worry about the folks on their phones or who are otherwise less engaged. It often has nothing to do w/ you as the speaker so while it's disappointing, try not to get distracted.

While some folks indeed need to calm their nerves through quiet breathing and relaxing, it's not necessarily the perfect pre-talk routine for all. For others, getting energy literally flowing will help them take the stage more relaxed and "ready". I personally have a mini-dance party - sometimes for real, other times in my head with headphones in! - before every talk, workshop, panel, etc. My current go to is Sia's Unstoppable, as when I feel that song in my body, I truly feel like I can conquer anything. And dancing elevates our full wellbeing - physical, mental, emotional - so getting my body moving also is prep for nailing my words and connecting in a heartfelt with the audience. Highly recommend trying this; having a go to song helps.

Shared laughter is an incredible gift that enables connection and also helps to encode the moment into a shared memory - for both me as a speaker and the audience as well. It's important to choose the moment for lightness well, and while I try to sprinkle a few throughout my talks, I also know it needs to feel *authentic* to me and not forced for the audience. They'll be able to tell, and it will never feel aligned for me which violates my top rule as a speaker: to be authentically myself!

When we share our stories in a vulnerable, open and thoughtful way, they are both uniquely ours and universally appealing. As a speaker, I juggle sharing enough about my cancer journey - specific examples of wearing a tutu to a PET scan bc it was colorful and fun, of dancing through cancer, of how my darkest days included light from nephew/nieces - to let listeners feel genuinely connected to me, and at the same time let the takeaways be universal enough that they can apply them to their own life circumstances which are likely very different than mine.