Sean Brown

My wife Lisa tells me that in order to experience greater depth in my interpersonal relationships, I need to allow myself to be more vulnerable. To be honest, I don’t fully appreciate what she means by that, but what better way to pretend I do than to share a tragically comedic moment with my entire LinkedIn network? Here it goes!

A wonderful lie played a huge role in shaping my life and my career.

I grew up in a family of 6 kids. My parents worked tirelessly to ensure we had a roof over our heads, plenty of food to eat, clothes on our backs, and enough money for a few video rentals every month and an ice cream cone every so often.

However, there just wasn’t a whole lot of money left over for things like eating out, private lessons, fancy vacations, single-purpose shoes or cleats, etc. While short on discretionary luxury items, we were absolutely overloaded with laughs and love.

It’s with this contextual backdrop that I begin my story.

When I was 13 years old, on a hot Sunday in July, my parents drove my siblings and me from our home in Connecticut to Niagara University for a basketball camp. My Dad’s college buddy, Pete Lonergan, was the men’s basketball coach at Niagara, and they had remained great friends over the years.

Pete offered my parents a very generous gift: he would let them drop off their children at the basketball camp for 1 week, for free! My parents could then use their free time to enjoy a romantic getaway in Toronto. Never having the opportunity to spend alone time together, my parents jumped at the chance!

My siblings and I were thrilled. I was fairly convinced at that time that my then 5-foot 1-inch, 100-pound frame positioned me well to be a future NBA star. I could finger roll like George Gervin, and I looked forward to the chance to hone my craft alongside upstate New York’s top hoops talent!

At the end of an incredible week of camp, I was excited to see my parents, but I was also a bit dejected at having “failed” in camp. I lost in the finals of each major competition: 1-on-1, 3-on-3, 5-on-5, and free throw. I was the runner-up in every single one.

My family sat together at the end-of-camp banquet, where speeches were given, and awards were handed out to a small subset of the several hundred campers. I watched dejectedly as the winners were called, and each person who had defeated me walked forward to pick up the trophies I had come so close to winning.

At the end of the awards ceremony, right as I was finishing my humble pie, they announced the “Phil Scaffidi Award ( more on Phil ),” the most important award of the week. It was given to the camper who best personified the skills, leadership, perseverance and “intangibles” of one of Niagara basketball’s former team captains, who had tragically died a few years back.

At this point, I was hardly paying attention and barely noticed Pete announcing, “...and the winner of the Phil Scaffidi award is....Sean Brown!”

From that instant, it was a blur. I accepted my trophy with a beaming smile, glowing in the applause from the crowd. I returned to the table where my whole family sat and received a huge, tear-filled hug from my parents, and felt...immediately...different.

I felt better. I felt like I had arrived.

This single award helped me instantly and permanently overcome my teenage awkwardness and insecurities. My acne no longer phased me. My braces became cool. It was clear evidence that I could overcome anything, that I was special, that I was a leader. I felt like I belonged.

While I had lost the 1-on-1 and the free throw competitions, I won the most coveted award of the camp! The sky was the limit for me. Becoming George “The Ice Man” Gervin no longer seemed like a lofty enough goal.

This award took on a life of its own. I wrote essays for college admissions about winning this award. Any time I had a bit of self doubt, I thought about Phil Scaffidi. When a leader needed to rise to the occasion to handle a bully, when a goal needed to be scored, or when someone needed to step up to do the right thing...that was my calling. I had an invisible badge on my chest from which I drew my confidence.

I was Sean Brown, winner of the Phil Scaffidi award.

And then...15 years later, I learned a startling truth.

I was bellied up to the bar after my older sister’s wedding, sitting next to my Dad’s old buddy Pete Lonergan, the former basketball coach at Niagara University and bestower of my ultimate recognition. After a few bourbons, I opened up to Pete (editor’s note to my wife Lisa: I think I was being vulnerable that night!) and thanked him for playing a pivotal role in helping me establish the confidence I needed; for setting me on the right track for success in life. His award changed me.

With a quizzical smirk on his face, Pete shared something with me that I wasn’t expecting. He said, “Sean, do you remember what you received, besides a trophy, for winning that award?” I told him, “Absolutely, I won a free week of camp the next year.”

He confirmed that was indeed the award, but then told me, “We didn’t make a ton of money on that camp, so the last thing we wanted to do was give out free attendance for next year. Since your dad was my friend, I knew I’d never charge him for the camp, so essentially, we gave the Phil Scaffidi award to the most distinguished camper who was already attending for free.”

There were five other kids attending the camp for free that week, and all of them shared my last name. Essentially, Pete revealed that I didn’t beat out the entire camp. My competition was limited to my handful of mostly younger (and only modestly interested in basketball) siblings. I was the most special Brown sibling that week. Nothing more. Nothing less.

The most tangible confidence-builder of my life, which I drew off of for countless moments of motivation…was actually a lie!

While sitting at that bar and coming to grips with my world getting turned upside down, I realized a few important life/career lessons:

Be cognizant of the fact that you may not have all the facts, even when you think you do. Look at problems/situations from various perspectives. Self-confidence shouldn’t come from external accolades, it needs to come from deep faith in yourself, informed by tons of “hard work pays off” proof points. It can come equally from “losing” as it can from “winning.” Your life and career are built on both small and big moments. Be open to the fact that skill, luck, and quirky stuff all play a role. Things aren’t as bad as they look when they look bad, and they aren’t as good as they look when they look good. Life can be pretty damn funny if you are open to laughing at yourself...and being vulnerable. The jury is still out for me on how I feel about being vulnerable. All I know is that I am Sean Brown, Phil Scaffidi award winner...and no one can ever take this away from me!

Sean Brown

Chicago, Illinois, United States 4K followers 500+ connections

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Experience

YCharts, Inc.

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Education

Stanford University Graduate School of Business

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