Zachary Flower

"Seek first to understand, then to be understood." — Stephen Covey “I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.” — Abraham Lincoln "We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak." — Epictetus When we seek to understand someone else's perspective without giving in to our own biases, we open the door to meaningful connection, which itself creates a foundation for truly effective leadership. Whether it's a stakeholder, vendor, employee, or boss, being able to put yourself in their shoes and see the world through their eyes will give you the perspective you need to not only work with them, but actually build a meaningful and healthy relationship with which to collaborate through.

Leadership is all about showing, not telling. It may be a cliche to say, but "be the change you want to see in the world" is as true a maxim as any when it comes to leadership thinking. That said, it's important to understand that you need to *be* the change you want to see. You can't just perform it. People are hardwired to detect bullshit, and going through the motions without actually feeling them will come off as disingenuous and manipulative rather than inspiring.

While the best way to learn how you are doing is to just *ask*, it's critical that you create a safe environment to do so. Even in a high-trust environment, I'm a fan of anonymous assessments. They give my team an opportunity for fully candid feedback, and allow me to model healthy information seeking—you don't need to grill someone on their feedback, you just need to hear it and reflect. With that information, especially identified areas of growth, you can create a plan and then review it with your team. Let them know you heard them, and what you intend to do to improve. In the end, success in leadership isn't about building a culture of metrics and perfection, but one of empathy and growth.

Relationship management is the key to truly effective leadership. The one thing a team, a unit, a company, or a community have in common is that they are all comprised of people. It's not about being "the best," or "the smartest," or "in control;" it's about being able to getting a group of people to work together towards a common goal, and the only way to do that is by building healthy relationships. Meet people where they are, show them you care about them and their goals, and you can build relationships that can accomplish anything.

Harry Truman said, “Not all readers are leaders, but all leaders are readers.” Put another way, good leaders are always exploring and incorporating new knowledge into their leadership philosophy, so if you want to improve, you need to read (or watch, listen, whatever) widely. From psychology to philosophy to history to business (and everything in between), there is always a lesson to be learned and new bricks you can add to your leadership foundation, if only you are careful to look for them. People are complicated, and every situation is different, so the more you learn, the more tools you have to draw from in your toolbelt.

When it comes to managing change, honesty and empathy is the name of the game. I've never found cheerleading to be a successful tactic when helping teams manage the fear, anxiety, or frustration that comes with change. You have to meet them where they are at and truly understand their concerns. Make space to listen first. Give everyone a chance to share their feelings about the change, either in a group setting, or one-on-one. You have to first seek to understand so you can manage the change appropriately, either through advocacy, investment, or coordination.