Social interactions

- I once worked in an office on a schedule that meant I arrived after my coworkers. When I walked into the room each morning I thought to myself, do I say hi to them because I'm entering their workspace? Or do they greet me as a newcomer to the space? Nearly every day, I thought, should I say this or should I do that? And I often ended up keeping silent out of fear of doing something wrong. And what ended up happening was I created an image that non-verbally informed others that I wasn't interested in them, when in fact I was very much interested but overly anxious of making a social mistake. I unknowingly violated a social norm every morning which led to coworkers developing an incorrect assumption about me. Our daily interactions with people are heavily influenced by social norms. You know when to say something, how to say it, and who to say it to, when to offer input, when to pull back. These norms often feel natural to someone neurotypical but can be a challenge to navigate for someone who is autistic. Yet society expects people to conform to these norms. When two people interact and they don't understand each other, it can cause a lot of misinterpretation. When interacting with your autistic colleague who doesn't look you in the eye, you might interpret that they don't like you or aren't interested. But many autistic people experience increased anxiety while making eye contact. When forced to follow the social norm of looking people in the eye, autistic people may lose the ability to fully engage in the interaction, process the information, and contribute to the discussion. Unfortunately, many people make assumptions when a coworker doesn't make eye contact when speaking to them. Likewise, some autistic coworkers may have facial expressions that don't match the social norms of a situation. Differences in facial expressivity can mean that those in the interaction may not receive the nonverbal body language messages they are accustomed to and this can create confusion. This feels awkward to some and they may shy away from communicating with another because of this. In the workplace, autistic people may not recognize your facial expressions or your body language either. If you look visibly annoyed or surprised, your autistic colleague may misunderstand or entirely miss these cues. We recommend in these instances that you react with compassion, communicate what you're feeling and not react or make judgments about the autistic person's facial expression. We can change our inclinations when we interact with all people by focusing more on the information that is being communicated rather than the behavior. When it comes to interactions it's important to understand the negative impact the social pressure can place on autistic people. To succeed in non-inclusive environments, autistic people have developed coping strategies to blend in better with their non-autistic coworkers. Many camouflage or mask their traits to act non-autistic with the idea that if they hide their natural traits they'll avoid discrimination and feelings of isolation. Autistic people also mask traits to help their coworkers feel more comfortable around them. It's our survival mechanism. Masking is especially true of autistic women as society encourages us to be more social and friendly. But doing so for some autistic women is exhausting and detrimental to their wellbeing. Overall, with social interactions, you can support your coworkers by creating a more inclusive social environment by letting go of your assumptions and whatever social expectations you place on people in your daily conversations. Instead, place value on the person you interact with for who they are and what skills they actively bring to make the team stronger.