Unhook from difficult emotions

- Let me tell you about a former friend and colleague. To protect their privacy, let's call her Maggie. Years ago, Maggie realized she felt bored. She had been a marketing specialist for three years, and she craved a challenge. Then one day, an opportunity for a stretch assignment came across her desk. The head of sales asked if Maggie would be interested in helping them build a new analytics dashboard to streamline their advertising spend. On the one hand, she was overjoyed, but on the other hand, she felt dread. Did she have what it would take to rise to the challenge? What would her boss think? Maggie felt consumed with worry and fear. Maybe you've been presented with an exciting opportunity but your emotions clouded your ability to see the big picture. It's understandable. A lot may be riding on your choice, like your livelihood, where you live, or your relationships and reputation. What we often overlook is that good decision-making doesn't start by making a list of pros and cons. It starts with managing your emotions so that you can see your options clearly, then make the best choice possible. Start by noticing and naming your feelings. Just like a scientist might observe a phenomenon or a specimen in the lab, observe your emotions with the same level of interest. Do you feel overwhelmed, or do you feel disorganized, alone, or maybe even embarrassed? Studies show emotional labeling gives you a sense of control and can help you problem solve. Likewise, pay attention to how the emotion manifests in your body. Let's try this together with a quick body scan. Find a comfortable position. Sit tall and alert with your hands resting gently in your lap with your eyes closed or a soft gaze. Take a deep breath in, and as you breathe out, allow yourself to relax. Become aware of any tightness, gripping, restraint in your body, maybe in your shoulders, jaw, stomach, or chest. Bring your attention to that area as you slowly breathe in and out, trying to gradually relax that area more and more. When I experience strong, unpleasant emotions, they often show up as tightness in my hips, and I like to imagine that area moving from a red, pulsing ball to, in my mind's eye, seeing it turn into a still, calm blue. Grounding exercises can also help you move into a relaxed state of mind. They're designed to bring you back into the present moment and are proven to activate your parasympathetic nervous system, the opposite of your stress response. When this happens, your heart rate slows down, blood flows back to your prefrontal cortex, which improves your self-control, concentration, and judgment. Perhaps you take 10 deep breaths, count backwards from 100, or imagine any unhelpful thoughts and emotions floating away like clouds. One final tip. Feeling something doesn't necessarily make it true. You're not inadequate because you feel worried about your ability to perform. Feeling afraid doesn't mean you're in danger. Luckily, research shows that most difficult emotions only last between 30 to 50 minutes. So set a timer and allow yourself to fully experience and process your emotions during that period. Once the timer goes off, make a conscious choice about how you want to move forward. If you want to feel peaceful, maybe you do a short meditation. Want to feel powerful? Perhaps you make a list of your greatest accomplishments in the last three months. For more tips on managing your emotions at work, check out my course, Managing Your Emotional Response to Workplace Challenges, right here on LinkedIn Learning.