Alyssa Gessleman’s Post

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PMP Certified Project Manager | RN Healthcare Background | Leveraging Data Analytics & Lean Six Sigma: Cross-Functional Leader

Ever feel like job hunting is an unending episode of a reality TV show where the grand prize is a desk and a 401k? Behold, the epic, gut-wrenching, laughter-inducing saga known as job hunting. It's like running a marathon, but instead of a medal, you might get health insurance. 🌟Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, What Job Do I Want After All?: Our adventure starts with a deep existential crisis. Because the first step to finding a job is questioning all your life choices until now. 🌟One-Page Life Story & Love Letter to Hiring Manager: Here, our brave job hunter tries to condense their life, skills, and experiences into one page. It's like trying to fit an elephant into a fridge, but with more bullet points. 🌟Internet Stalking Companies and Job Portals: Now we delve into the dark web of job portals. It's like Facebook stalking, but instead of exes, it's companies who won't call you back. 🌟LinkedIn Gymnastics: Posting, Commenting, Optimizing, Oh My!: Our hero then enters the LinkedIn Olympics, balancing a high-beam of posting, commenting, and optimizing. It's all fun and games until you accidentally endorse your future boss for 'Microsoft Office'. 🌟Into the Void Goes My Resume: This is where resumes go to die, also known as online applications. Will it make it to the other side? Or just join the graveyard of forgotten PDFs? 🌟Becoming a Private Eye for the Company: Next, our job sleuth goes full Sherlock Holmes, researching the company until they know the office dog’s birthday. Who said stalking wasn't a transferable skill? 🌟First Date with the Hiring Manager: This is the big one – the interview. It's just like a first date, but instead of sharing your hobbies, you're trying to prove you can pivot tables like a champ. 🌟Did They Ghost Me or Just Busy?: The suspense in this stage is real. Will our hero get a call back? Or will they be left on 'read'? It's like waiting for a text after a first date, but with your future on the line. 🌟To Be or Not to Be... Employed Here: Decision time. The job offer is in. Do you take it? It's like choosing between desserts, but the wrong choice could leave a bad taste for years. 🌟Groundhog Day... Again: And just when you thought it was over, you might be back at the start. But hey, at least you're getting a workout on that hamster wheel of job hunting. So there you have it – the ludicrous journey of job hunting. It's a comedy, a tragedy, a horror show, and a sitcom all rolled into one. But remember, all the world's a stage, and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. So break a leg out there, job hunters. (You've made it to the end of this post, placing you in the elite minority who actually read my musings… thank you) “The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job." - Slappy White #jobseeker

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Alyssa Gessleman

PMP Certified Project Manager | RN Healthcare Background | Leveraging Data Analytics & Lean Six Sigma: Cross-Functional Leader

1y
Eliko Ozeki

Trilingual Project Leader + Education Consultant | I leverage my mindfulness training to improve processes, instruct, and engage in advocacy for ease, belonging, and sustainability.

1y

Alyssa Gessleman, interesting way of framing the process of job hunting. Enjoy your writing⭐️

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