Chris White’s Post

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I haven’t posted in a while, and this is a pretty personal post, so bear with me. Last November, my world changed forever.  After four years of fighting, I lost my sweet Sara Zuleta-Acosta, my life partner of 10 years, to Triple Negative Breast Cancer.  Words cannot express the grief that I felt and still feel.  Even though I was there every step of the way until the very, very end, the finality of it still doesn’t quite feel real...I still struggle to comprehend that we couldn’t save her. I know it’s wrong, but as her caregiver, I can’t help but feel like I failed. She fought so hard, and I did everything I knew how to ensure we were at the best hospitals, receiving the best treatments, and that no healthcare bureaucracy stood between her and the best possible outcome.  Even though I knew the prognosis, I always held onto some magical hope that she would be the exception.  That some clinical trial we participated in would be the key that would buy us another few years, just in time for the next treatment that would do the same, and that if we held out long enough, just maybe science could save Sara and she could beat the odds… Over the past few months, I’ve had a lot of time to grieve and to process my emotions.  I owe my leaders at Gong (Jameson Yung, Justin Geller, Shane Evans) THE WORLD for encouraging me to step away to grieve, to focus solely on myself, and for giving me the space I needed to pick put myself back together. During my time away, I’ve spent a lot of my time asking myself existential questions about my life while trying to sort out what’s next.  One question that’s kept gnawing at me is: “When I’m old, looking back on my life, what do I need to do in order to feel fulfilled and proud of the life I lived?” For me, there are two answers: Impact and Relationships. Impact: I’ve always been proud of my work, but now I need to up my game to include my life outside of work. Simply put, I want to invest more effort into positively impacting people's lives. At work, this means doing more to help people achieve their goals, knowing that the more successful I make others, the greater their impact can be on their own lives and on the lives of others.  Outside of work, I need to impact a bigger purpose.  For me, this is straightforward given the loss I’ve experienced—I need to continue the fight against Triple Negative Breast Cancer. Relationships: If there’s one thing that the past six months have taught me, it’s that the most important thing in life is the relationships you build with the people in it.  In the end, nothing else really matters; all you care about is having more time with the people you love. When I grow old and am reflecting on my life, I want to be doing it surrounded by a whole bunch of people who are as invested in me as I am them. So, how am I going to make an impact and build more relationships? Well, Linkedin cut me off, so a second post is incoming. PS: ❤️ you Sara Zuleta-Acosta until the end of time.