As we approach the general election and a time of (cautiously) renewed optimism, we thought we’d take a look back at this Tory government in the most reverent form of retrospective: Top Trump playing cards.
Introducing “Top Tories”, the only card game where the characters would bet on themselves. But who exactly were these Tories? What did they get up to? And why is this the end of the road for them, as long as we all bother to vote? Compare and contrast their stats, as you relive all the lies, debauchery and scandal that have been more rife than ever before among the greedy, corrupt, power-obsessed oddities that make up the Conservative Party. Remind yourself which Tory got caught looking at porn in the Chamber of Parliament and then said he was searching for tractors, or which Tory claimed the lines of coke he was pictured with were actually his dandruff.
We were too environmentally conscious (and stingy) to actually print these cards out, but feel free to do so at home, and play our interactive game with your nearest and dearest. It’s fun for all the family! Except your weird posh uncle, but you need to stop inviting him round anyway.
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