Ruth Steggles’ Post

One of the ways you can get support from me is to read my regular newsletter. You can read the previous ones here - https://lnkd.in/eJEb34X7 #hope #helpwitheatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery

Asking Some of us are talkers. I fall firmly in that category. I love talking and sharing my opinions. For those of you who are groaning at the thought, it isn’t just that I like the sound of my own voice but also that I genuinely want to help people. The challenge for me is that in my over-enthusiasm to share, I can forget to ask what is going on for the other person. At the other extreme, some people are quiet and don’t ask because they don’t want to or feel it is their place, too. The challenge is that if we don’t ask, we don’t know. I don’t know what you think or feel unless I ask you. I don’t know what you heard unless I ask you. I don’t know what matters to you unless I ask you. What aren’t you asking right now? If you would like to know how I support parents who have a child with an eating disorder, then DM me and let’s chat. #eatingdisorders #eatingdisorder #hope

In my last couple of emails, I have talked about disagreements and differences between people. Today, I want to share a word that has helped me enormously in a world where each of us thinks and acts differently. If I were to say to you that there is no right or wrong, you would understandably retort something along the lines of what about theft, mugging, murder? So, for clarity, these are not behaviours I want in our society, but the gift I want to give you today is the word “workability”. If, in our society, we allowed people to go around behaving in those ways, then none of us would feel safe. These kinds of behaviours have no workability in everyday life. In Armageddon, any of us may resort to behaviours we wouldn’t currently contemplate. You can read more on this and view all my previous articles over on substack https://lnkd.in/eTPVY5tF #eatingdisorder #helpwitheatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery

In my latest podcast episode I talk about dealing with anger and frustration when you are supporting the person you care for with an eating disorder. You can listen to it on Spotify https://lnkd.in/eRtjA_ve or over on my Substack https://lnkd.in/eT3HGZ5C #hope #helpwitheatingdisorder #eatingdisorders

Everyone in the eating disorders world agrees that early intervention is important. If you think your child may have some eating challenges, then find out what you can do here: https://lnkd.in/eKuRP-TA #helpwitheatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #eatingdisorders

Are you a people pleaser? When we have been trained through childhood not to have an opinion or to speak out, we can be scared of what might happen when we do. This may be fears about being wrong ourselves or worries about what others think of us, but frequently, it is simply an unconscious ‘I shouldn’t say that’ as your brain tries to keep you safe. I feel lucky. I am opinionated and quick to think, act and speak out. I was brought up to enjoy a good debate with my father, but I realise I am not typical. I need the often quiet people around me to tell me when I have missed something or haven’t thought things through. I need people around me to say, stop, hold on. I don’t think you have that right. My life is so much richer for people around me disagreeing with me. I do, however, recognise that for many people, the disagreement feels hard. The more comfortable you get with acknowledging, believing and sharing your thoughts and opinions the better we can all be. You may also help your child to learn it is ok to be them. If you would like to know how I work with parents who have a child with an eating disorder DM me. #eatingdisorderrecovery #helpwitheatingdisorder #eatingdisorders

Everyone is doing their best with what they have, and we have an innate drive to do well. We like to achieve things; it feels good when we do. Our internal feelings may be enough reward, but having them acknowledged by someone else fuels the desire to do more. Who can you acknowledge today? #hope #helpwitheatingdisorder #eatingdisorder

If your child has an eating disorder, I imagine one of your desires is for your child to be well. If that is what we want for our children, then we give them a gift when we learn to do it for ourselves: listening to what we need, resting when necessary, and being kind, gentle, and encouraging at other times. Learning to tune into ourselves with real compassion means that when we have the energy and resources, we can seize the moment, and when we need to rest, we invite others to do the same. Getting the support you need to support your child makes the whole process easier for everyone. If you know you could do with a hand, get in touch. #eatingdisorders #eatingdisorderrecovery #eatingdisorder

Last week, my bestie Rose and I disagreed on something. If you read my last email, you will know that I am all up for each of us sharing our views, stating our opinions and valuing our own thoughts and beliefs. It was, therefore very funny to watch myself as she gently told me that she disagreed with something I had written in one of these emails. What was funny was that even though she said, ‘What you wrote isn’t my experience,’ I immediately wanted to defend my position. I am unsure if she said anything like ‘I don’t think you are right’, but that is what I heard. My brain went into overdrive as I looked for every piece of information I could possibly find to defend my position. I wanted to prove I was right and she was wrong. This is so relevant to caring for someone who seems to be acting in a completely irrational way. Trying to tell them they are wrong or rationalise what they should be doing is simply strengthening their argument for why they are right. Read the full article, available now, over on Substack here: https://lnkd.in/egiP5cWc #eatingdisorders #hope #helpwitheatingdisorder

Yesterday, I was feeling really tired. I had to get up earlier than my body wanted, making the whole day hard work. In a meeting, I discovered something else I needed to do, and in that moment, life felt totally overwhelming. I had this feeling a lot of the time when our daughter was unwell. Everything feels hard when I am in that state; it feels like wading through treacle. It is so important for me to remember that it doesn’t all have to be done today. Yesterday, I was able to pare my list down to the bare essentials and have an early night. The list that threatened to drown me yesterday has been ticked off easily today. There is no comparison between how I felt yesterday and today. It reminds me of how important self-care and listening to myself are. When we are not firing on all cylinders, the answer is rarely to push through but, more often than not, to cut ourselves some slack. If you aren’t taking care of yourself, or are overwhelmed with caring for your child with an eating disorder, get in touch, and let’s chat. #eatingdisorders #hope #helpwitheatingdisorder