Andrew Lokenauth’s Post

I don’t like these posts. Say what you mean. Listen for what was actually said vs. what you heard and keep things real and authentic. People don’t need any more advice on how not to be clear, direct and kind. Set an intention on what your audience needs to hear and focus on how to say it clearly with questions to ensure message sent was message received. Listen to understand what the person is saying not want you think you can handle hearing from them. The world is deeply challenged with ineffective communication in so many ways. We can and must do better!!

Disagree with stopping ‘sorry your late’ and replacing it with ‘thanks for your patience’. If you’re late, you are late - apologise. Shows humility, and the fact you’ve acknowledged it. Thanks for your patience should also be used, but not as a replacement. As a leader you need to be upfront and direct with your team, not owning something is a behaviour that you don’t want to foster.

Removing the words "I'm sorry" or perhaps more professionally, "I apologise for..." completely from one's language is a mistake. Failure to apologise when it is warranted comes across as aloof and arrogant and conveys an unwillingness to take responsibility. It is one of the major reasons why managers often create bad feeling with their staff, who feel they are unwilling to apologise for their own mistakes or those of the business. There is a time and a place for an appropriate apology. I do agree however that for a manager, it should be brief, sincere and accompanied with something more indicating appreciation for the other party's forbearance (as in the example "Thank you for waiting/being patient") and, if appropriate, a promise of remedial action. Also, on a personal level, I would suggest that using the phrase "suck at" is itself poor communication in a professional post, as it's slangy and overly informal, especially outside a US-centric context. Better to just say "The truth is, most people are bad/poor/terrible at it", or something similar, depending on how strong you want to make the message.

I would suggest that a number of these are not replacements but are additions. If you are late you should always apologise, not assume its fine and that the audience has indeed been patient. And don't say things you cannot deliver to; as a leader, have you really got the time to 'help you'? More likely you would say sorry you don't know, but you would be really interested in knowing the answer, and so-and-so may be best placed to help. That's still a positive response, but it is also more honest and more likely to be deliverable. Some things are indeed 'wrong', though for sure being that blunt may likely be too blunt; 'that is wrong' (or better as 'that's not right, is it?') rather than 'you're wrong' is a subtle but important difference. Also, 'seeing something differently' may be too subjective when an objective response is needed. For sure, though, the list is thought provoking even if it should not be used as a simple swap list. But then a leader should realise that 😉

I refuse to say I don't know, there are times people ask me something at work, that I know another coworker can answer. Instead of telling them to go ask that person, I run and get the information for them. I run to do it myself because then I learn something when I get the answer (and still feel like I helped by actually doing something instead of just redirecting).

I would not agree with that list 100%, you have the right to say you do not know things or say you are sorry. It is just about how you continue this conversation. There is also nothing bad saying that you do not understand, however you should say which part. Some of the expressions make the message indirect. Lastly, there is nothing bad in saying "no problem". Communication goes beyond using phrases and wordings.

I'd much rather have someone say something on the left column, than to say something on the right column but don't actually follow up on the promises like "getting back to you" or "helping you at later time". i don't think it's so much about what you say but more about your attitude, and the language is just there to reflect that attitude. Deploying the language of a caring "leader" without actually having the mindset is disingenuous and I will feel more alienated by such leader.

My experience in leadership has taught me how effective communcation builds strong teams and fosters good work environments. I have learnt to always say “ Next time, lets try….” with my team members, my belief is to never throw anyone under the bus, these simple words can bring a sense of belonging.Being mindful and using tact to speak is a level of emotional intelligence that you need as a leader, i often remember that to get here i had leaders that treated me with empathy and respect and i happily extend the same.

That’s just unnecessary wordplay. The most important thing is to say whatever comes naturally to you. It’s far more important to be and appear genuine and honest than using a set of canned phrases that might not even go well with your personality. When you are acting or pretending, others can clearly tell. Humans have a great built in bs detector. Appearing genuine and non pretentious is what builds trust and great relationships and leadership mostly needs these two things the most as I understand it.