Pace’s Post

I was looking back at my journal entry from a year ago and I talk about my unhealthy relationship with shame. I was on a weekly call with Pace and I said, "I have a good relationship with shame which is bad." I used to whip myself with shame. I used shame often because I was comfortable with it. East Asian culture has a huge stigma around shame. Shame isn't something you share. Shame isn't something you feel. We suppress our emotions because we don't want to bother anyone with our feelings. True intimacy is born in vulnerability, though. You can't form authentic connections without sharing all of yourself. Connection is born in the gap between who we are and want to be. The chasm is where our dreams, pain, and story live. Once we can tell our story (all of it I mean) we learn to accept ourselves. We become authentic. We don't hide the parts of us we don't like and pretend don't exist. We use empathy instead of shame. We use kindness instead of guilt. People like Tara Brach and Brene Brown write about radical compassion and acceptance. Frameworks like RAIN (Recognize, Accept, Investigate, and Nurture) help develop self-compassion and self-acceptance. While I’m still learning how to be vulnerable so I can increase my connection with self and others… I’m more open than I’ve ever been and happier than ever. DM me 'RAIN' to learn more; I’d love to share any resources I've used along to neutralize the harsh inner critic inside. My pup June is here to help too 🐶

We can love people not despite of their vulnerability but because of their vulnerability. Shame wants us to believe otherwise. That we are alone in our struggle. That everyone else has it together. That self-confidence is a me not we problem. Many of us see vulnerability as a weakness. Many of us instead choose to suffer in silence. I've helped a few people by being vulnerable. To share stories from my imperfect life. In hopes to encourage, support, and to teach. My vulnerability isn't your vulnerability. I'm not asking you to create daily content. I am asking you to fight the shame in your life. Shame is a whisper. It highlights embarrassment, guilt, & disgrace. It manifests in actions, thoughts, & judgments. None of us have it all together. We all slip, fall, and fail from time to time. Ways I'm practicing to be more vulnerable: 🧠 Reflect on your emotions: Take time to identify and understand your feelings. 🚶♂️ Start small: Begin by sharing with someone you trust. 🤗 Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and accept vulnerability. 💯 Be authentic: Be genuine and honest in your interactions. 🎲 Take risks: Step out of your comfort zone and initiate conversations. 🤝 Seek support: Surround yourself with supportive individuals. 🌟 Embrace imperfection: Recognize that nobody is perfect. Maybe you should join me?

Sympathy > Empathy > Respect 1. *Sympathy*: Feeling sorry for someone else's misfortune without fully understanding their emotions or perspective. It's more about offering condolences and support. 2. *Empathy*: Putting yourself in someone else's shoes and trying to understand their feelings and perspective. It's about sharing and relating to their emotions. 3. *Respect*: Valuing and admiring someone's character, qualities, or achievements. It's about recognizing their worth and treating them with dignity. ... Sometimes when a person express his emotions and it's about his emotions insecurities , choas or failure what people offers him is Sympathy.....but he doesn't want sympathy rather he needs respect. He needs someone to acknowledge him how well he is doing. So next time when you encounter anybody with such emotion try to treat them with respect rather than providing them sympathy or empathy . You never know what a small change in your treatment can make a big impact in there's life. :-)

Your beloved might be onto something… What if I told you that her intuition is one of her greatest superpowers? And that there will be conflict in your relationship if this gift is not nurtured. When your beloved raises a concern, you might respond with defensiveness, making it difficult to move forward in your relationship. Then, her response might escalate into anger, when her feelings and needs aren't acknowledged, leading to more conflict. Sometimes, a raised concern is not a desire to be dramatic or to gain control. Rather, it’s an invitation to create awareness, foster empathic connection and communicate consciously. If you choose to be right over choosing to connect, your beloved will find it hard to be open, nurturing and intimate with you. Instead, she will feel guarded, resentful and will think you don’t care even if that's not the case. So, when your beloved is prodding you over and over on an issue, what she needs is clarity, cooperation and growth within the relationship. What are your thoughts? Let me know in the comments. ____________________________ Follow | #andrelam #alchemistsoftheroundtable #brotherhood #conflict #connection #consciouscommunication #feelings #intuition #mensgroup #menswork #needs #nonviolentcommunication #relationships

Why do you choose romantic partners who remind you of past pain, and hurt? Even in relationships, you will seek out what is familiar to you. If you find yourself drawn to people who exhibit the same negative traits as previous partners, repeating the same challenges, and conflicts, you are experiencing transference; being attracted to people who remind you of previous partners, or even your parents. It is intuitive, even if damaging, and dysfunctional. Your attachment style will affect patterns of bonding. If your earliest relationships consisted of criticism, disrespect, dishonesty, jealousy, and other harmful behaviours, you will naturally be attracted to people who exhibit similar behaviours, because your subconscious recognises the familiar, and comfortable. If you feel insecure, unworthy, or afraid, you will attract partners who reinforce, and bring out those feelings in you, and who remind you of unresolved difficulties from past relationships. You will continue to attract the same type of people, until you learn the lessons those people, and situations were meant to teach you, and you heal from past wounds to help break the cycle. #relationships #pastrelationships #couples #transference #familiarity #heal #healfrompastwounds #breakthecycle #relationshiptrauma

Would you like to finally experience true INTIMACY? But you are feeling the need to people please? Is this causing you stress, anxiety, difficulties with decision making, overthinking? 👉Where is this habit coming from? People pleasing develops as a way to survive as a child: In our childhood our survival depends on the people and the relationships around us. So if we were shamed by our caretaker for our character, expressing our feelings or our taste, we believe that being ourselves is not only not OK, but not safe. That is what starts the habit of telling others what they want to hear, to come up with little lies and to hide our feelings, so we won’t be socially ostracized. 👉How does this look like in an adult man’s life? As an adult man you have difficulties with trusting people, you avoid conflicts and adapt your personality to whoever you are with. This helps on the short term, but perpetuates the cycle of shame you feel, because men are inherently drawn to be authentic and live in integrity. You might also struggle with making decisions, keeping yourself questioning the decisions you took and keeps you in the anxious state of constant overthinking and insecurity. You are craving the experience of true intimacy and close relationships, but you are either scared deep inside or don’t know how to develop it. It is easier to say you have not found the right person for it. 👉How can you start breaking the lie/hiding-shame-overthinking loop? Working with someone you trust to be non-judgmental can help you to set healthy boundaries and step by step to show yourself. You need to gain experiences of relationships where you are still loved or appreciated when you disagree, when you are showing your true self. #authenticity #intimacy #heretohelp

Are you expressing compassion? Empathy? Symphony,? Or just pity? Do you really understand? The distinctions between compassion, empathy, sympathy, and pity: ⚫ Compassion involves a deep awareness of another's suffering or need, combined with a desire to alleviate that suffering. It's about actively wanting to help or support someone in distress or difficulty, often accompanied by a genuine concern for their well-being. ⚫ Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings or experiences of another person. It involves stepping into someone else's shoes emotionally, being able to comprehend their emotions, and feeling what they feel without necessarily taking action. ⚫ Sympathy is acknowledging and understanding someone's feelings of distress or sorrow without necessarily experiencing those emotions yourself. It involves showing care, concern, or support for someone going through a tough time, even if you might not fully understand their feelings. ⚫ Pity is feeling sorrow or sadness for someone else's suffering, often from a position of superiority or condescension. It might involve a sense of feeling sorry for someone's misfortune without truly understanding or connecting with their situation. Compassion and empathy involve a deeper emotional connection and understanding of another's situation, while sympathy acknowledges and supports someone's feelings without necessarily sharing them. Pity, on the other hand, often involves a sense of looking down upon someone from a position of perceived superiority.

Don’t Withdraw From People Over Differences Om Shanti A huge reason for relationships being fragile, is that we are becoming increasingly selective about the people we want to be with. If someone’s behaviour feels uncomfortable, we are withdrawing instead of adjusting or helping them. This habit blocks our love, sharing and caring. Not too long ago, we had a culture of joint families, with 20-25 members across three to four generations living under one roof and getting along. When differences in our natures, values and habits came up, we adapted. Today, we tend to withdraw from people, over minor differences. 1. Meditate and study spiritual knowledge daily to empower ourselves and increase self-respect. By doing that, accepting others and adapting to different personalities becomes easy. 2. When someone’s behaviour is uncomfortable, understand their nature and the pain behind their act. People do not intentionally want to hurt or manipulate us. They are victims of their habits, perceptions and beliefs. Understanding is empathy. 3. Even if we create hurt, let's counsel our mind – It is their nature. What is natural for me, is right now difficult for them. I delete the past. I heal them and our relationship. This is compassion. 4. With empathy and compassion, we create pure thoughts for them. There will be no margin for withdrawing. We will make every effort to accept and be with them. https://lnkd.in/gyGxiydK

Some things just don't pass the smell test. That is why Maya Angelou said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time". In the moments we trust our gut, we can open to messages about whether we are safe or not. Our predicament is that we often overlook information that is important about whether we can be vulnerable. This is not about shame or blame. It is simply the recognition that we need to pause to consider the nature of a relationship. When it is a romantic inclination, we can be swept up both by our heart or the belief in someone's potential. As it turns out, it is essential to also use our head. That is why I have strongly suggested we ask someone how they view doing couples therapy if a need arose. When we do not have a shared vision about growing through the shadows, we might find ourselves sitting alone in the dark. Perhaps you have had the experience of someone not asking you anything about yourself. What might be the implications be of such a connection? We need not keep score but might take notice if someone seems to be "holding a mirror" when you are talking with them. We can also have an immediate sense of a new friend's generosity or sensitivity. It is a deeply heartening feeling to be met by an invitation to be known. It can be daunting to have to go on an archaeological dig to locate compassion. It is quite touching to feel the roots of another's heart when the winds of loss are blowing yours open. We can sense the profound goodness of a soul through the authentic kindness that is shown. Sometimes the "smell test" doesn't need words. It is in the freedom to be silent that we can discover whether someone is comfortable with our pain. It is important to allow ourselves to touch the threads that comprise the tapestry of our connections. We may also not know what someone else is going through that feels off when together. We can always knock on the door of their heart to see if they are inclined to share. Some of us are actually just hanging by a thread as they navigate a private sorrow. Whatever is in the air, it is important that we listen to what is said and unsaid when deciding to open ourselves up. #relationships #safety #trusting #reciprocity #kindness photo credit: Mitch D.

If you want peace of mind, make intentional choices to be better to people who are not good to you. If someone is short with you, be patient with them. If someone is curt or even rude, be polite. If someone is dishonest with you, be honest with them. If someone won't listen to you, listen to them. If someone is unkind, show them kindness and grace. It's sort of the relationship equivalent of "Be the change you wish to see in the world," but instead, it's "Be the change you wish to see in your relationships." Sometimes simple kindness and not reacting to negativity with negativity can change the whole trajectory of a relationship, even if it's just a passing exchange with a stranger you will never see again, and even more so if it's someone who you have to see, work with, live with, interact with on an ongoing basis. That doesn't mean be a doormat or tolerate mistreatment. You can be kind and still draw boundaries to protect yourself. But you never know what other people are going through. How people behave is most often attributed to what they know, not who they are. And when we know better, we do better. The path to understanding each other is in allowing that understanding to find an opening with patience and compassion rather than shutting the door by adding more negativity. And if nothing else, you can at least know that the other person's negativity didn't transfer to you. In the long run, you will never regret being kind and you won't second guess yourself wondering if you could have done better. #WednesdayWisdom