Pace’s Post

"Over the past few weeks, I've been experiencing what feels like a 'dark night of the soul' 😱. Sitting in my comfortable home, I am acutely aware of the many negative events unfolding around us. This feeling could be due to the exhaustion from 2023, a sense of survivor's guilt, or perhaps the cumulative effect of bottling up issues over a lifetime. Everything seemed meaningless, and I briefly lost touch with my compassionate self. I recognize that I am fortunate to have a strong support system. Being able to express these feelings openly provides great comfort, perhaps even a luxury. I am surrounded by people with whom I can be candid and transparent. I am not concerned with maintaining an online image; I don't need to. This shift hasn't been random; I've been taking intentional steps to transition from a shame-based mindset to one of openness. While the inner work is a personal journey, there are also external tools and communities available for support. I recommend checking out the Founder Mental Health Pledge, an organization dedicated to normalizing transparency about mental health. It's a significant movement, creating a large community that offers support and acceptance, especially when you're willing to share not just the highs but also the lows of your journey. Additionally, consider exploring the Pace community (pace.group), where you'll find incredible people with whom you can be real and honest. Building your support system early on is crucial. Your efforts not only benefit you but also inspire those around you. This is how openness spreads, ultimately helping to end the cycle of shame based mentality. It's been a tough few weeks, but now I feel hopeful and energized. The compassion has returned, bringing with it a sense of serenity. I want to extend this same compassion to you, no matter where you are or what you're going through 💚

I was looking back at my journal entry from a year ago and I talk about my unhealthy relationship with shame. I was on a weekly call with Pace and I said, "I have a good relationship with shame which is bad." I used to whip myself with shame. I used shame often because I was comfortable with it. East Asian culture has a huge stigma around shame. Shame isn't something you share. Shame isn't something you feel. We suppress our emotions because we don't want to bother anyone with our feelings. True intimacy is born in vulnerability, though. You can't form authentic connections without sharing all of yourself. Connection is born in the gap between who we are and want to be. The chasm is where our dreams, pain, and story live. Once we can tell our story (all of it I mean) we learn to accept ourselves. We become authentic. We don't hide the parts of us we don't like and pretend don't exist. We use empathy instead of shame. We use kindness instead of guilt. People like Tara Brach and Brene Brown write about radical compassion and acceptance. Frameworks like RAIN (Recognize, Accept, Investigate, and Nurture) help develop self-compassion and self-acceptance. While I’m still learning how to be vulnerable so I can increase my connection with self and others… I’m more open than I’ve ever been and happier than ever. DM me 'RAIN' to learn more; I’d love to share any resources I've used along to neutralize the harsh inner critic inside. My pup June is here to help too 🐶

When I left my hospital job to help start Pace, it was because I saw a real need. A need to help the world unlock more human connection. Turns out we were even more right than we knew at the time. Now, 20,000 Pace sessions later, we’re sharing one thing we’ve learned. I call it the Pace Method. The Pace Method: Small Talk Sucks, Go Real+Honest. URL: https://lnkd.in/gyNsYeRZ Our first groups leaned on experts like Dr. Adrienne Heinz, PhD and Dr. Matthew Stimmel, as well as rich research from the clinical world. Over tens of thousands of groups, we learned some key truths: - People fundamentally need to talk to each other. - Candid, emotional openness – or as we say, being Real+Honest – isn’t something that’s proprietary to coaching, therapy, men’s groups, or any forum – it’s natural to the human condition. - And there is at least one way – the Pace Method – to do it consistently. Most conversations in life are shallow out of convenience; even more so on the internet. The Pace Method helps us to have more authentic and connective conversations with the people in our lives – anytime & anywhere.  We’ve incorporated the entire method into our Pace software experience, but it feels too good to not share with everyone. Use it the next time you go to Happy Hour with friends, dinner with your family, or getting to know new coworkers.  Check out all the details here: https://lnkd.in/gyNsYeRZ . Heads up: it’s not short because something like this requires a lot of thought – and give it a go with someone today.

How long does someone need to get Real+Honest? Turns out not that long. We’ve run over 20,000 live video sessions at Pace. It takes ~90 seconds. Most conversations in the world are shallow out of convenience.  “How’s it going?” “Good. How are you?” “Eh, can’t complain.” 🙄 The obvious answer for what we do at Pace: get people to go deeper than that, but make sure they don’t take too long. Simple, right? 😬 We tested 10’s of different prompts, time durations, questions, and models for how to make Check In effective. The Pace Method is the result: https://lnkd.in/g7QVpEbv We built a visual timer in session that softly plays the member off and then we ask them to pass it on to the next member. We make them responsible. It turns out that after roughly 90 seconds of talking, almost everyone runs out of small talk and needs to say something Real+Honest. We define Real+honest as: https://lnkd.in/gn3eeT_F That’s why the Pace Check In is two minutes. To try to get past that point for each and every member, without taking up all of session. More on why 2min and why we say “Share something Real+Honest” via The Pace Method: https://lnkd.in/g7QVpEbv