My first miscarriage happened when I was 33. I remember the nightmare I had the night I found out: I was holding a tiny baby in my hands, but she slipped through my fingers and I couldn't find her anymore.
My last miscarriage happened when I was 38. In between there were 5 others, including twins.
Once I miscarried driving over Independence Pass to a friend's wedding.
Once during a family Christmas trip in Yellowstone.
I remember wondering if the pregnancy "counted" if there was never a heartbeat.
Or if it was a "real" loss since I was only 6 weeks this time instead of 12 like before.
I remember telling my husband I wanted to die after one missed miscarriage was diagnosed.
I remember meaning it.
Two children later, I feel extraordinarily lucky that I had access to, and could (sort of) afford IVF treatment. But I am still grieving those losses, those "what-if" babies. I still have frozen embryos and I don't know what do to with them. No one tells you about this part when you go through IVF. No one tells you that pregnancy, birth, parenting--those experiences don't erase the losses, they don't release you from the mental loops that you got stuck in. The immense love I have for my children lives alongside my deep grief about the road I traveled to them.
Regina Townsend from the The Broken Brown Egg said it better than I can:
"Infertility is bigger than babies. I say this often, because I want people to get it. It truly is. It can affect our physical and mental health in insidious — and sometimes enduring — ways."
Bravo Poppy Seed Health.
#PregnancyandInfantLoss #miscarriage #thiscarried #reproductivementalhealth #patientcenteredcare #fertilityaccess
Say it with us: I didn’t miscarry—what really happened is Thiscarried. This body. This uterus. This mind. This belly. This heart. The following content contains real people and their experiences with pregnancy and infant loss. If these topics don’t feel safe for you right now, we encourage you not to watch. Going through loss is the strongest we’ll ever have to be. And that strength stays with us, always. #Thiscarried
https://lnkd.in/grzwHzkT
https://lnkd.in/gpnCR89W
Communications & Marketing | Philanthropy | Social Impact | Community Relations | Storytelling | ESG Learner
10moI really appreciate the language used in this post. I just worked on a campaign for The Milk Bank recently. We felt strongly about sharing these essential stories, and also about giving folks a chance to "opt-out" of watching/listening. It was a delicate balance.