Vivek Jayaram’s Post

My teenage son, Jack, likes to practice difficult conversations with me. We role-play how he might start the conversation, and how he might react to the possible responses he'll get. This morning, on the way to school, we discuss one of the most difficult conversations he'll face. He likes a girl. A girl who he's developed a friendship with all year. We'll call her Olivia, because that's her name (and practically every other girl in his school has that name, so it'd be tough to identify her.) Jack would like to ask Olivia to move from the friend zone into the girlfriend zone. He doesn't know how to start. So, we talk about it: Me: What if you start by saying "Olivia, I like you." Jack: Mom, there is no way I can say that. That's so ... vulnerable. Me: Yeah. It is. There's a real power in being vulnerable. Being vulnerable is a superpower. Jack: It sounds like you're talking to a 5-year old. Superpower? Me: I don't mean it that way. I tell that to lawyers that I work with all the time. Jack: You do? I do. As a jury consultant, a huge focus for me when I'm working with my lawyer clients is voir dire. The more vulnerable the jurors are willing to be with the information they share in jury selection, the better decisions those lawyers are able to make, and the more they increase their chances of winning. The lawyers who get the most vulnerable stories from their jurors? The ones who are willing to demonstrate vulnerability themselves. The good news is that vulnerability is a superpower that we can all develop. It doesn't take innate talent. It isn't a secret only available to certain people. It's a skill that you can practice in your everyday conversations. Lesson of the day, you have a superpower. Just make sure you're putting it to use.

Thinking clearly is a Superpower. It cannot be bought, consumed or faked. It takes hard work. Clear thinking is an especially potent superpower for a trial lawyer. Truth - What comes out of our mouth usually reflects (in some imperfect way) what is swirling inside our head. Three ways to leverage the super power of clear thinking: 1. Do the work. Spend the time alone thinking and marinating and stewing and obsessing and clarifying in your own head. Thinking things through is not a passive experience. Lazy people are usually lazy with their thoughts. 2. Pressure test your thinking (carefully). Stand guard in what is in your head. Get some limited feedback. Share the clarity with people you trust who are emotionally grounded and experienced to give helpful input. We can’t share with everyone. Not all opinions are equally valuable. 3. A clear mind leads to clear thinking. You can have chaos around you and still have a clear mind. You can have noise around you and still have a quiet mind. You can have doubts and concerns and still have a committed mind. I spent some time with one of my partners this morning. He is prepping for trial in a week. His mind is clear, his thoughts are crystal clear, he is putting in the work, and he is pressure testing. Let’s go! Andrew Knopf #battle #trialmindset

You dropped the Bomb on Em with this book! One of my favorite books that make it all simple… Relationships are the new currency: Reciprocity and equality: Offer your own help: Don’t just focus on receiving guidance. Offer your knowledge or skills in areas where you can be of assistance. This fosters a sense of mutual respect and collaboration. Initiate social plans: Don’t wait for your mentor to always extend invitations. Take the initiative to suggest grabbing lunch, watching a game, or attending a non-work event together. Respect and appreciation: Express gratitude: Let your mentor know how much you appreciate their guidance and support. A sincere “thank you” goes a long way in building a strong bond. Respect boundaries: Remember, they are still your mentor, even outside of a professional setting. Be mindful of their time and respect their personal space. Remember: Natural development: Turning a mentor into a friend takes time and organic growth. Don’t force it or rush the process. Let the relationship evolve naturally. Mutual interest: Be sure your mentor seems receptive to a closer friendship. Some people prefer to keep professional and personal lives separate. Respect their boundaries if that’s the case. By finding common ground, offering reciprocity, expressing appreciation, and being respectful, you can nurture your relationship with your mentor and potentially develop a lasting friendship.

The Value of an Objective Mediator As students, professionals and all, conflicts are inevitable - whether it's disagreements with colleagues, issues with clients, or disputes between departments. Handled the wrong way, these tensions can escalate quickly and damage important relationships. From my experience, I've seen how a neutral third party mediator can help resolve conflicts constructively before they spin out of control. Let me share a story that highlights their value. A few years back, one of my tutors found herself in the middle of a heated disagreement between two senior leaders at her company. Tensions were high as both parties dug in, refusing to see the other side's perspective. Productivity was suffering as they argued constantly. My tutor knew she needed to intervene before the situation impacted morale. But as someone who reported to both leaders, she worried advocacy for either side could damage her credibility long term. That's when she brought in a professional mediator. Over the course of a few sessions, the mediator was able to get both parties to openly share their perspectives in a judgement-free zone. By reflecting back what she was hearing without bias, common ground began to emerge. With her guidance, they crafted a solution both could accept - resolving the conflict and restoring a functional working relationship. A good mediator acts as the voice of reason when emotions run high. Their impartiality helps conflicting parties understand each other better to find a win-win resolution. Don't be afraid to bring one in early - it can save you stress and get your team back on track. What do you think 🤔 ✍️✍️🤍❤️ Ngwoke Judith #Mediator #TeamProgress #WinWin #Impartiality

In the legal profession, mastering the art of forgetting yesterday is key. Nothing underscores the value of a fresh start like the practice of law. Each new day demands that we set aside the victories and setbacks of the previous day and approach today with a clear mind and renewed focus. Whether dealing with a tough case or a challenging negotiation, the ability to let go of what happened yesterday is crucial. This mindset allows us to be fully present, continually adapt, and better serve our clients with the best of our abilities. Remember, every sunrise brings a new opportunity. Embrace it, and leave yesterday behind.

Highly recommend this approach and course ❤️

If you want to control your journey Use the Power of Self-Story In Steven Bartlett's insightful book, "𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗗𝗶𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗮 𝗖𝗘𝗢: 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝟯𝟯 𝗟𝗮𝘄𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗕𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗟𝗶𝗳𝗲," Law 7 underscores the critical role of self-story In shaping our personal and professional success. 𝙔𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛-𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮 𝙞𝙨 𝙘𝙧𝙪𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙡 𝙗𝙚𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚: → It is the personal narrative we create about ourselves. → It fosters optimism, confidence, and a sense of self-worth. → We’re trying to refine it using new experiences and ideas → Every choice we make contributes to shaping our self-story. A positive self-story fosters a strong sense of self-worth and confidence, Empowering us to take risks and pursue our goals, And equips us with the mental strength To overcome challenges and setbacks. 𝙃𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙧𝙚 4 𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙥𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙛𝙧𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙣𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙚: → 𝘾𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙡𝙮 𝙙𝙚𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙫𝙖𝙡𝙪𝙚𝙨, 𝙦𝙪𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙚𝙨, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙖𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙧𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮 → 𝙈𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙘𝙞𝙤𝙪𝙨 𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙞𝙘𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙘𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛-𝙣𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙚. → 𝙄𝙙𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙛𝙮 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙩 𝙣𝙚𝙜𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙛𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙙𝙞𝙘𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛-𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮. → 𝙍𝙚𝙜𝙪𝙡𝙖𝙧𝙡𝙮 𝙖𝙘𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬𝙡𝙚𝙙𝙜𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙜𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙘𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙗𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙖𝙘𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙥𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨 By consciously crafting and nurturing a positive self-story, We empower ourselves to unlock our full potential, Overcome challenges, And achieve our wildest dreams. PS. If you still doubt this law, Just read about the great MOHAMMED ALI

Fear is good. Fear tells us what we have to do. This is how Steven Pressfield describes fear in The War of Art. In his view, fear is one of the forms Resistance takes to dissuade us from creative work or any constructive endeavor. I couldn’t agree more. Have you ever felt fear before watching a Netflix show? Or before going out with friends? Neither have I. But I always feel fear and anxiety before writing an article for a client or drafting a court opinion (in my day job). Will it be good enough? How am I going to structure it? Will I be able to get the right message across? These questions, imposed by fear, can sometimes be paralyzing – so much so that they prevent me from doing what I have to do. That is exactly what Resistance had in mind when it unleashed fear upon me: to paralyze me, make me procrastinate, or come up with rational excuses why I should just give up. The key is confronting the fear head-on. Whenever you encounter fear, that is where you must strike the hardest. That is where the most valuable treasure is hidden. So, yes, fear is good because it is an indication – a road sign showing us where to direct our utmost efforts. P.S. I read (and enjoyed) Pressfield’s Gates of Fire and Tides of War more than 15 years ago, but I came across The War of Art only recently. What are your favorites? _____________ Interested in collaboration? I'm Bojan Pepic, a legal content writer and law firm consultant. DM me or book an appointment to get started: https://lnkd.in/dqZx7DH6

I had the pleasure of attending the latest Commercial Litigators' Forum (CLF) event at RPC last night - Soft skills: how to win clients, impress colleagues and get promoted. John O'Conor (former global head of litigation at Allen & Overy) and Charlotte Henschen (née Ducker) led a superb discussion on the importance of litigators developing their soft skills. As someone who has "sat on both sides of the fence", having practised as a litigator and now working with litigators as a service provider, I have come to appreciate the importance of developing softer skills like communication (and have noticed the distinct lack of emphasis placed on this development in practice). One piece of advice given by John resonated with me and I thought it apt to share here (probably a little less eloquently but I will give it a crack): Whenever you are engaging with a client, a colleague or a partner, the question you should constantly be asking yourself is whether you are inspiring their confidence in you. If the answer to that question isn't a resounding yes, you should be altering your engagement. A final takeaway that is worth sharing - the only way to develop these soft skills (much like anything else) is to practise. So my own advice to anyone with the patience to read this now very lengthy post - suggest a coffee meeting with the person you just worked on a project with/had some work referred by/bumped into at an event. It can only benefit you.

There you are, collaborating with a colleague, business partner or working with a client. Things go smooth until something doesn’t work out as planned. You hope it won’t happen again and say nothing. A week later, you receive a message describing another unexpected problem and they make a request for you to fix it. You’re annoyed because you are significantly contributing more time into this project already. Your need for mutuality, reciprocity and balance aren’t met, but you say nothing. You hope this is the last time this happens. It turns out that’s not the case. You feel resentful and upset and it is just not fair to you. A conflict is about to start. But in reality, your inner conflict started the first moment you didn’t speak up. 💡TIP >> Next time you experience this, share with the other person what the impact for you is. Ask what the impact for the other person is. Simply talk about the needs of both of you that are not met right now and dialogue about the strategies that honor the needs of both of you. If you would like to have help identifying your values, I invite you to join the Core Values workshop I am co-facilitating with Eleftheria Kakambouras in Ljubljana on April 20st, 2024. Drop a yes in the comments if you want to have more info or like to receive the sign up link. If you’d love to join but can’t make the date or would rather participate online, would you please reach out to me?