6 Reasons Professional Females Hesitate to be Women

Professional females are a testament to evolution - they’ve spent years, decades even, navigating through systems that do anything but cater to their unique needs, and actually find a way to thrive within these systems.

My question is this: Why haven’t these systems evolved with them to the same degree? It’s been almost a century since women were given the right to vote, over a century since Marie Curie won the Nobel Prize, 150 years since Elizabeth Blackwell became the first woman to graduate from a U.S. medical school, and well over 100 years since the first time a woman ran for president (Victoria Woodhull, 1872). Yet we still struggle with issues such as paid maternity leave - the U.S. is only one of 4 countries in the world without some form of it - and wage inequality. Although women hold 52% (that’s right, the majority) of all professional level jobs, they only comprise 14.6% of CEOs, 8.1% of top earners, and 4.6% of Fortune 500 CEOs (click here for more - slightly depressing - facts).

Most professional women I know really love what they do, and take a lot of pride in it. They’d have to, or they wouldn’t put themselves through the self - and society - imposed guilt for leaving their children with others while they head to work, sacrifice girls’ nights to finish up their PowerPoint presentations, and resist the urge to quit when they find out how much less they’re getting paid than the guy down the hall with far lower performance scores. They get the same joy as men out of closing a deal, solving a challenging problem, and creating something new. They’re not complainers and they’re not looking for the easy way out. They’re certainly not using maternity leave/pumping as an excuse to get out of work and check Facebook, or just sticking with their jobs long enough to find a man who can support them financially. 

Somehow, though, we’ve created a society where a man is applauded for carving time out of his workday to go to his child’s school play, and a female dreads declaring her pregnancy for fear of the professional consequences.

There are obviously lots of issues at play here, a major one is that we as professional females are hesitant to assert ourselves as WOMEN because: 

1. We feel that we have to behave like a man to succeed. We're not all built the same way, and have different strengths. Just as you use your other talents to your advantage, gender should be viewed as one of your attributes. Are our male colleagues trying to do everything that we do better (studies suggest we build relationships and encourage teamwork more effectively and take more initiative, for example)? Also, let’s face it, what percentage of professional men have as much on their plate at home as the average female? Part of what makes us so good at what we do is how successful we are at multitasking.
2. We fear that any complaining will be perceived as laziness or being difficult. Male complaints are considered more likely to be considered humorous and enact change, while many women feel that their complaining just makes them appear weak. Throw in the fact that by nature, we like to please people, and we’re a lot less likely to make a big deal out of unfair treatment or even where to order takeout for lunch. We precede every request with, ‘I’m sorry’ - even if there’s nothing to be sorry for, or the other person is the one that should be apologizing.
3. We think working part time or asking for altered schedules will make people think we don’t take our jobs seriously, and will contribute to our lack of professional success.  These things can actually provide us with the energy and positive attitude we need to juggle all the multitasking more efficiently and contribute to office morale. Employee retention is also much better amongst women who are happy with their work life balance, so employers, listen up! And women -- remember, if you don't ask, nobody will offer.
4. We feel like talking about things like breastfeeding or our children's latest escapades will either gross our male colleagues out or make them think our career isn’t our first priority - but we bite our tongues when they tell their inappropriate stories all the time (yes, you all know what you’ve been forced to listen to). This is a major reason why we’re still struggling to find a place to pump despite the fact that it’s legally mandated for workplaces to provide dedicated spaces.
5. We seethe silently when we’re mistaken for positions that are more ‘traditionally female’ than the ones we hold, but are afraid we’ll sound stuck up or catty if we address it.  Have you ever been mistaken for the secretary when you’re actually a partner in a law firm? I respect the professions I’ve been mistaken for (in my case, it’s usually a nurse) and don’t view being called them as an insult. However, I do find the underlying sentiment incredibly upsetting, and would love any suggestions for ways to address it gracefully.
6. We are so hesitant to self promote, worrying that it will seem unfeminine or entitled. SO hesitant, in fact, that we will allow someone else to walk away with the credit. It’s a major reason that studies have cited for the paucity of females in leadership positions.

Unfortunately, there is some truth in the consequences of doing these things. But there’s enough of us to change that. Let’s not apologize for ourselves all the time, or be afraid to ask for what we need to make our lives work. We are smart, ambitious, and effective - and we have a lot to contribute. A change in culture requires professional women to acknowledge that we are different from men and have different priorities - and to assert that these qualities contribute to the workplace instead of detract from them. 

Nisha Mehta, MD is a radiologist, mother to 2 young boys, and founder of Physician Side Gigs. More of her work can be found at www.nishamehtamd.com. To follow her writing, 'like' her Facebook page or follow her on Twitter @nishamehtamd.