Canada's Judgment Day

(Had neglected to post this when it ran last May but have been asked to do so even if late. Unfortunately the issues raised very much remain. Let's hope 2019 brings about an opportunity to find a way forward.)

Imagining Canada's Judgment Day (published in Toronto Sun May 29, 2018)

It might be the arrival of Ramadan, or maybe it’s just a natural byproduct of my advancing middle age, but I’ve found myself occasionally thinking about the accounts people give to the Almighty in that ultimate moment of truth.  

This led me to imagine the conversation Canada would have if it had to go through an exit interview with some all-powerful deity – perhaps an overworked divine official carrying an armful of bulging file folders dating back to Confederation:

“Let’s see here…ah yes, Canada.  This shouldn’t take long.”

“Happy and honoured to answer any questions you might have.”

“I like to start with the basics.  Geographic size, what, 9.9 million square kilometers?”

“That’s right. Second largest in the world.”

“But, it says here only 37 million people? Where did you rank in population density?”

“Um…I think about 235th in the world. But, in fairness, I was mostly uninhabitable.”

“Still, that’s a lot of open space. Did you try to attract more people?”

“Of course. Welcoming new Canadians was at the very core of my social fabric.”

“But, with open borders your population should have grown bigger – no?”

“Well, I had limits. You know…too much of a good thing and all that.”

“I see.  Well, all that uninhabitable land must have had stuff in it – right?”

“Absolutely – an abundance of riches. Every strategic resource you could imagine.”

“And what did you do with them.”

“Do with them? Well, I aspired to be a global energy superpower.”

“I’m sorry, not sure I understand. What does that mean?”

“Natural resources were critical to my economic prosperity.”

“So, you sold them to other countries?”

“Only when it was in my national interest.”

“But, you said they were critical to your prosperity. Wasn’t that in your interest?”

“It was balanced with other factors. Plus, there were logistical issues.”

“I’m sorry, logistical issues?”

“Yeah, I couldn’t always deliver them to other markets.”

“Again, and I don’t mean to be difficult, I’m not sure I understand.”

“I didn’t have the infrastructure in place to get the resources to other countries.”

“You didn’t have the infrastructure? Couldn’t you build it?”

“Oh, sure, I could build it.”

“So, you could build it – you just didn’t want to?”

“No, no. I wanted to build it.”

“You wanted to build it and you could? So, what, were your people against it?”

“Actually, most Canadians were in favour of it.”

“I suppose as long as you were able to get from one province to another…”

“Funny that you mention it – the provinces were kind of the biggest obstacle.”

“The provinces were obstacles? In what sense?”

“They wouldn’t let me build pipelines.”

“Seriously? Which ones?”

“Just the ones with access to tidewater.”

“So, even though you were bordered by three oceans – you’re saying you were landlocked?”

“I prefer to think of it as asymmetric federalism.”

“Surely that must have hurt your financial wellbeing?”

“I am proud to say that I was the world’s tenth largest economy in 2018.”

“Tenth? There must be a mistake here. My files say you hosted the G7 in 2018.”

“No, that’s right. That was a year I held the Presidency of the G7.”

“But, isn’t the G7 a group comprised of the seven largest economies in the world?”

“Technically, it’s the seven largest advanced economies.” 

“So, your economy was more advanced than India, China, and Brazil?”

“Technically, it’s seven of the world’s largest advanced economies.”

“I see. Well, what about your level of competitiveness? Let’s start with taxes.

“Let’s start with trade.”

“Uh…okay, we’ll start with trade. I see here you had lots of trade agreements.”

“You bet. I had preferential access to the major economies of Europe and Asia.”

“Asia? Does that include China? India? Indonesia? Thailand?”

“No, not exactly, but I was working on it.”

“Very well, what about the United States? You didn’t mention America.”

“Well, it was a little…um…complicated.”

“Yeah, I’ll give you a pass on that one. 

“Look, here’s the thing – I’m not going to send you up or down, I’m sending you back.”

“Sending me back?”

"Yep. I’m giving you a ‘do-over.’ Please don’t mess it up this time. Oh and sorry about the Jets, eh. I bet on Vegas.”