Charge!

“How do you like Brazil?”

It’s probably the number one question that I receive here as an expatriate from the United States.

"What's not to like? I don't have to work!" is my canned reply, which generally elicits a smile, often accompanied by a bit of congratulations. 

I arrived in Brazil a little over a year ago, having moved here for an opportunity in my wife's career. In the United States, I enjoyed my career in retail banking management, but the move put an end to it for a couple of reasons. First off, my former employer doesn't have retail banking operations in Brazil. More significantly, my Portuguese isn't adequate for the tasks of coaching bankers, performing due diligence or providing solutions for upset clients.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to step away from my career. It's given me an opportunity to be heavily involved in my children's lives, to pursue intellectual curiosities and to do a little…nothing.

A friend recently commented on one of my Facebook posts, "You have too good a life!" Reading her comment, I was surprised by a realization.

I disagreed.

There was a void left where my career once was. The purpose, meaning and value that I felt as a working professional were gone. Work was a constant part of my life from high school up through my arrival in Brazil. In a distant land, I felt stuck. Unfulfilled, I hungered for the satisfaction of a job well done.

I realized that my feelings weren't unique to my situation. Many people find themselves in a rut at some point, questioning what they’re doing and how they can get out of their situation. Someone reading this post is feeling it. If you’re not, someone in your professional or personal life could be – an employee, a colleague, a manager, a spouse, a relative, a friend.

The answer to my problem came in a recommended book, Charles Duhigg's Smarter Faster Better: 

Internal locus of control. 

Internal locus of control is a person's sense of being able to determine his or her own life. It’s the realization that while there are some things that I can’t change, there are many important things that I do have power over. It's taking charge.

Duhigg shares how the US Marine Corps infuse their recruits with internal locus of control to build their confidence and decision making ability. He illustrates the neurological benefits of making choices and how exerting control improves lives.

You may be familiar with the concept from a couple of other sources. 

In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey begins with a discussion of proactivity and our “Circle of Influence”. Covey advises us to expend our energies on things that we can control. He gives the example of Viktor Frankl, a concentration camp prisoner who denied his captors victory by refusing to surrender his spirit. Frankl displayed a fortitude that impressed his oppressors and he survived while many around him perished.

The Serenity Prayer also teaches us of internal locus of control. The prayer asks for the courage to change the things that one can change, the serenity to ignore the things that one can't change and the wisdom to know the difference.

As professionals, many of us recognize that we hold power over our lives, but to what extent do we embrace it? When a problem arises, do we look inward or outward? 

Perhaps more importantly, are we empowering others? Do we not only take charge but also give charge?

At work, do our employees and colleagues feel a sense of control? How do we entrust them and enhance their perception of their self-determination?

At home, do we give our children the freedom and responsibility to exert control over their lives? Do we recognize and respect their developing strength when they defy us?

For me, focusing on what I can control led me to recognize and use my power. I’ve received the gift of time, the most valuable asset that a person has. Today I use my time to care for my family, while I’ve begun a business of teaching English to professionals in Brazil. I’ve also started my MBA studies with Indiana University’s Kelley School of Business.

Taking ownership of our thoughts and feelings is the beginning of rising above our circumstances. Whatever situation we find ourselves in, each of us is in complete control over our own heart and mind. By both harnessing that control ourselves and helping others to do the same, we progress in building the world we want – bit by bit.

…and to Kyra:

Yes, life is good!!