Leading-Edge Thinking on Unique Tenets of Women’s Leadership

Fresh from celebrating International Women’s Day and as Women's History Month draws to a close, it’s a pleasure to share thoughts about one of the most inspiring speakers I’ve recently heard on gender issues and women's leadership, Manal Omar. 

Intimately familiar with topics regularly discussed in the Middle East through her work in conflict zones in Afghanistan and Iraq and voted one of the top 500 World’s Most Influential Arabs, Manal is the Founder of Across Redlines, an organization dedicated to women’s leadership as seen through multiple lenses of gender, faith and personal authenticity.

I was honored to hear her keynote address, and moderate a panel with Manal, Caroline Miller Smith, EMEA Section Head of White & Case's Energy, Infrastructure and Project Finance Group (EIPAF), and her fellow EMEA EIPAF partner Carina Radford, Chair of the Global Women's Initiative Committee, exploring the topics of authenticity, identity and successfully navigating the workplace, at White & Case’s second annual Middle East Women’s Network Retreat.

Manal was revelatory in the originality of her thoughts on unique tenets of women and leadership.

Lessons Learned in Conflict Negotiation

Born in Saudi Arabia to Palestinian survivors of war who migrated to Loving, Texas and then to Spartanburg, South Carolina, from a very young age she found herself negotiating with people’s strong views about diverse individuals. Playing the role of ambassador for various identities – including American and Middle Eastern – she established a career negotiating and building bridges between people and communities. She found her passion in conflict resolution.

Early in her career, Manal resisted the idea of a “feminine leadership style," eschewing the notion of tokenism or having to play a gender card. She wanted to be judged solely on her credentials, including as an economist who had worked for the World Bank. Ultimately, she came to feel that in “finding her voice in patriarchy, she lost her feminine voice.”

Manal explores the challenge of distinguishing what the feminine style is and is not, and the need to make ourselves aware of how the subconscious may sometimes influence that style.

Manal created Across Red Lines with the understanding that one can be different and exist powerfully within the mainstream. If anything, a different style brings a huge addition, especially in her work in the Middle East region, where male leaders dominate and have little access to women leaders. Working with diplomats, ambassadors, and generals, she realized that they didn’t have access to 50% of the population - and their thinking - in every country in North Africa. The access she could provide to the feminine voice was a tangible value-add.

After 20 years, Manal also had a striking realization that the traditional “Conflict Curve” in the international development space – prevention, crisis management, peace building – wasn’t working, and a different approach was needed. The pattern of a humanitarian response, transition, transitional justice, and then moving in, was inconsistent with conflict, which doesn’t work in a linear form. Instead, the process is one of two steps forward, five back, six to the side, etc. Similarly, the ways in which most facilitators are trained to negotiate from places of interest doesn’t always work as people will work against their own interests if they want justice, or even revenge, over anything else.

With the conflict curve not working, Manal looked for lessons learned and a way forward. The obvious answer was women.

As a core principle, she noted that we don’t always want to avoid conflict, and, if anything, we must recognize where conflict can be good: to disrupt group thinking and spur innovation, and to promote accountability and provide important opportunities for growth. Additionally, fear of conflict often leads to escalation.

However, problems arise when we lack the tools to deal with conflict. For example, if the only tool in our tool box is a hammer, everything will look like a nail. Manal urges every woman to examine and potentially expand her own toolbox in negotiating the conflict curves in life. Recommended tools include heeding early detection warning signs; owning your style; having brave conversations; and building your tribe.

Early warning signs of conflict might include external negative communications (for example, negative images of women in media that signal bias), and our internal “GPS” that simply detects problems. However, we are often so uncomfortable with confrontation that we resist our instincts and wait until things escalate before responding.

Owning your style in dealing with conflict is critical, and a place to look for our default style is usually derived from examining our childhood experience. A pathway to authenticity and determining your current style is to journal draft answers to three questions: Whose love did you crave the most as a child? Who did you have to be to get that love? Who could you not be? It is not always about self-improvement, but about knowing who you are and making space for your approach, including by sharing your style with your team or inner circle.

Brave conversations are sometimes challenging in a world where women are often taught to compromise and accommodate the feelings of others, even at the risk of sometimes not giving an “opponent” enough time to explain themselves. Finding the balance between standing in your truth versus “emotionally vomiting” is important. It is also wise to scan where the power is and not make yourself vulnerable in a way that is unsafe, particularly in a polarized environment on a non-level playing field.

Building your tribe, including through networking in a way that works for you, was her final advice. Go where decision making conversations are happening and scan those rooms for power. While it might be the traditional "happy hour," often not the most inclusive space, it might also be breakfast at a local watering hole known for prominent patrons. She also noted the importance of getting feedback. While it is potentially hard to get, for example, as a woman of color who has to tune out biased or similarly unhelpful feedback, you still need a feedback loop or tribe you trust that can provide candid and effective information.

Manal explored the challenge of distinguishing between what is (and is not) a "feminine leadership style," and the need to make ourselves aware of when the subconscious may sometimes influence that style.

Discussing the truth and danger reflected in a quote from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, “the man is the head and the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head any way she wants,” women yielded power in a patriarchal society by exerting influence in an indirect way as a survival mechanism. However, as we enter 2020, we don’t need passive-aggressive manipulation to become the dominant feminine leadership style, risking the fostering of mistrust.

So what is an authentic, feminine leadership style?

Manal harkens back to history - to indigenous communities and Shamanic tradition where water represented female energies and the desert exemplified male energies - in observing that women’s power tends to be less directive and more fluid. She also noted pre-Islamic tradition and the Koran, and the example of the Queen of Sheba exhibiting a unique leadership style because she consulted a council.

Gender socialization also plays a role: social cues teach habits, leading women to talk with preambles, feel a pressure to not be intimidating or threatening, and downplay our presence and successes.

Women generally tend to be more consultative, collaborative and inclusive, usually in an informal manner. However, the challenge presented is that most decisions are made formally, and women need to have a seat at the decision-making table. Manal also noted that the masculine style of leadership doesn’t necessarily serve women, or if it does, it often comes at a high personal price.  

The result? The professional and personal is constantly in conflict because of this balancing act. But we should embrace what comes naturally to us.

Manal encourages all leaders to know their style and highlighted five archetypes: competitor, problem solver, compromiser, avoider, and accommodator. Each has pros and cons and no one style is better than the other. For example, the problem solver can often rush in to interrupt someone’s journey with lessons they need to learn. Manal's organization provides an online tool for discovering one’s preferred leadership style (email [email protected] to get the quiz). Awareness is critical.

The goal is to be fully integrated and bring all pieces of yourself to your work. There is also a bit of fear of being the "Other" that governs your choices of what to leave behind. What pieces of yourself and your background do you leave out of the room in the workplace, often due to prior potentially traumatic experiences? Who were, and are, you naturally called to be? Answering these questions allows you to go back, and capture and embrace, your core authenticity.

Finally, Manal’s goal is to create a community where women uplift other women. She laments the lost tradition of women-only spaces, where women would come together, share secrets, organize, and find real power in ritual. Similar to the power of the happy hour and golf course of the men’s club, women have to find ways to replicate those spaces and imbue them with meaning. Even where the focus is on a traditionally feminine ritual, we cannot lose the meaningful dialogue.

Manal's solution to create that community is Across Red Lines. Her pitch?

“You have a vision, dream and so much in you to accomplish. Suddenly thoughts of self-doubt, anxiety and frustration stop you in your tracks. You feel stuck. Take a deep breath. Reflect on the paths ahead and reach. Join Across Red Lines. Share personal stories, experience energetic healing and interactive exercises with others from around the world. We are told in the Koran that the body holds testimony. Tap that inner navigation system to access your willpower and channel that life force energy into all walks of life. To call in the power of the feminine from our Islamic tradition, pull in the strength of your life force and reach the peak of your performance. Join me as we release the sacred feminine with Across Red Lines community and retreats.”

I, for one, can’t wait. Join at www.acrossredlines.com.