Lessons I’m taking with me into my 30s

These past couple of years have been a roller coaster ride for us all. The global prevalence of anxiety and depression has increased by a massive 25%, and well, I count myself among those who felt the hit. I’m no stranger to mental health issues and have struggled in the past, yet 2022 has been a real resilience test for me and I felt myself descend to the depths, through an everpresent feeling of discontent and meaninglessness looming over my head. 

Yet the depth also has its fascination - it has a way of helping us understand that little something more about ourselves, and allows us to have more powerful connections with others. The depth also had some important lessons to teach me about my life, which I’d like to share with you on the day I’ve been so afraid of - turning 30! 

1. Valuing myself

Knowing my worth has always been a tricky one for me. The delicate balance between understanding my flaws and limitations and also acknowledging the great things I have to offer tends to lean in the direction of undervaluing myself. But my 20s have been instrumental in building belief in my competencies. For me, it’s been you vs you for a long time, and I tend to be my own harshest critic. 

I thought this served the purpose of pushing myself, seeking the uncomfortable, and always being on the lookout to learn and grow. Yet now I’m aware that criticizing myself is not helpful. The world throws enough crap at us, having myself being against me too only adds an additional layer to tackle.  

So how did I go about building my confidence? 

• Focusing on enjoying the journey and learning as much as I can from each situation, rather than being right or wrong. 
• Abiding by my values and the things I consider non-negotiable has helped me make decisions when I feel far from confident in whatever it is that I’m doing. Honesty, integrity, teamwork, collaboration, and giving it your best or nothing at all are among the non-negotiables for me. 
• Learning how to celebrate the small successes has allowed me to build self-belief, one small step at a time. 
• Finally, seeking work and projects I care about helped me dive deep and increase my knowledge which in turn empowers me to talk about topics with passion. 

2. Just going for it

At 20, my perception of time was completely different from how I understand it today - I felt like I had an abundance of it. Now I know better and its value has doubled. This decade has been a blur. SO much has happened and yet it feels like it all went by in the blink of an eye. 

This newfound sense of urgency encouraged me to not waste time in places that leave me feeling unfulfilled, unappreciated, and where I don’t feel like I’m contributing to a shared goal or something meaningful to me. I recently left a job which I used to love initially, but slowly turned into a place where my creativity was stifled, I felt stagnated and like I had nothing left to offer. I moved to another job that offered the best financial package I ever received, I started straight away because I had no time to waste feeling useless and unhappy about the previous situation. And yet, my new position compromised many of the things I believed in. Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock. I left after a month to give freelancing a shot because I figured I’d rather use the time I have to build something for myself, and live happily on less, than spend 9 hours of my day, every day, feeling like I’m doing something that goes against my being, just for money. 

I acknowledge that I’m privileged enough to make that decision. And this is no dissing at anyone happily working an office job. I might be broke soon, and I might not cope with the challenges freelances brings about, but in this instance, the feeling of ticking time that felt so daunting when my environment was stifling, has actually been liberating in the context of trying something new, because I only have one life anyway and if nothing, I’ll learn something new. 

3. It’s fine to not have it all figured out. That’s the fun part, I guess! 

As you might have realized by now, I’m turning 30 and absolutely don’t have my life figured out. I gave up security in search of a more meaningful existence that will undoubtedly come with its own set of problems. But I decided to take a page out of the great Mark Manson’s book and figure out what I want in life through elimination and attempting to have a different set of problems so I can understand which type I’d rather have. I hope this experience allows me to find out what I’m willing to struggle for. 

4. Let's normalize talking about mental health

Finally, talking to people helped me understand just how many of us are going through the exact same thing. Once I put a voice to my own thoughts and spoke up, I realized that everyone is scared of putting their thoughts into words, out of fear of being judged or misunderstood. The more I talked to others about my mental struggles and how I don’t have it all figured out, the more people I found who are going through the same thing and that feeling of connectedness took us to new places together. And that my friend is a beautiful thing indeed. 

There is also no shame in seeking help. I discovered that therapy is possibly one of the best investments I’ve made in myself and my well-being. The brain can be a messy place and having an impartial person help me sort my mess helped me find my blind spots and arrive at solutions I hadn't previously thought of. 

With these reflections, I figured I may as well enjoy the journey. These lessons make me optimistic about my next decade (even though I hate the thought of turning 40 and getting old, wrinkly, and rusty) and I hope these reflections are helpful to whoever else is scared of the big round number coming their way!