The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

The holidays can be hard for kids in foster care. While many of us look forward to the holidays….shopping, comfort food, family traditions….this can remind kids in foster care that they are not with their parents and siblings. Try to be mindful that this can be a grieving time for kids and can cause various feelings, which can be expressed in multiple ways. Some kids have the language and enough emotional maturity to put words to how they feel. Many more do not yet have these skills and may act anxious, sad, irritable, or act out with behaviors. You may see more tantrums, and small things may “set them off,” which can be very confusing when viewing this as such a wonderful season.

We wanted to share some ideas and tips to help you navigate this time of year. We combed the internet, and here are some of the best tips we could find:

• Try to include your foster child’s family in any way possible. Can they make them things, get them presents, call them on Christmas morning, and share a special meal? How can a foster family work to make the holiday special for the child(ren) and their parents, even if they are not with their biological family for the actual day?
• When having large gatherings, be aware that you will introduce your foster children to more strangers. This could cause some children to be uncomfortable, so make sure to consider that.
• Along with this, family gatherings also could bring on many questions from other adults. Make sure the conversations stay optimistic about the biological family. Kids will hear adults talking, which can be difficult if the conversation is not positive.
• Remember that the children’s case details should not be shared with all of your extended family. Be careful about other family members posting pictures of your foster children on social media. Remind them we cannot do this without “hearting” out their face.
• Hold an open conversation about what the holidays are like in your home. Let them know what to expect. Not knowing can create anxiety, and remembering everything may be new and strange to them.
• Have an introductory conversation with family and friends. Help them understand that this may be a challenging time for the kids.
• Arrange for them to meet your extended family in advance, if possible. Again, this will help reduce anxiety about not knowing what to expect and meeting many strange new people.
• Plan for presents. Talk to the agency, they likely have a plan for ensuring your child gets gifts, but their biological family may also have presents for them.
• Make space for their own beliefs and traditions. Remember, not all families have the same traditions around the holidays. They may have special food that they enjoy. Ask about that and try to include something “just for them” if you can.
• Give your foster child some space. We all need time and space to reset when we feel off. Kids need that space too.

Here are some links to additional resources. Feel free to contact your workers if you have questions or concerns about your child. Wishing you a joyous season of giving and a peaceful holiday break!