The Power of Complaining

“If we do not continually use the brain’s language centres, we cripple our neurological ability to deal with the problems that we encounter with each other. “  - Dr Andrew Newberg, Words Can Change Your Brain.

We use language to convey our feelings. However, without a proper dialogue, we often find ourselves not expressing our emotions well or not being heard which usually leaves us in a state of emotional turmoil. The brain is continuously processing and interpreting information, building neural networks and pathways. When we repeat a thought or action often enough, the neural network becomes reinforced and eventually, it becomes a habit, just like learning to walk.  At first, it was difficult, then with practise, it got better until it became an unconscious ability.

When we habitually complain about something or someone, it predisposes us to think and react in a particular way. When we realise that our grumbling has directed us down the equivalent of a neurologically well trodden and worn-down path, we can begin to understand how emotive vocabulary - more often learned- limits us.

Check yourself.

When you hear yourself complaining check in with the feelings that lie beneath. What exactly are you are trying to convey?  Have you dramatised and exaggerated the situation to the magnitude of a Netflix series? Are you playing the victim?  It’s important to catch yourself, ask a few questions and consciously change your direction.

Hold your complaint accountable.

A complaint usually arises because something has happened that wasn't expected or that went against our belief and expectations.  Enquire, from where did this expectation arise? Is it even your own expectation or something that society has taught you?

Adopt a no complaint policy for yourself.

This worthwhile exercise will quickly change the way you communicate and will lift your mood. Complaining only generates negative feelings and rarely makes a situation better.  Set yourself a goal to stop complaining for 3 days and see how your thoughts and language change. Then do another 3 days and so on...

I've a red bangle that I wear on my right wrist. When I complain I switch it to the left. It feels a bit odd but there it must stay until tomorrow when I start my no complaints policy again. The bangle serves as a little nudge to my neural network and a little prop to remind me that I am still a work in progress.