Real Reflection 2023

As I sit here and reflect on 2023 I find myself going through so many emotions.  This has undoubtedly been one of the most difficult years of my life but perhaps the most needed year for self-growth and reflection. Now, I don’t think I was ever full of too much pride, and I don’t necessarily feel that the universe had to take as much from me to get its point across, but perhaps I am wrong there as well. I can say that I only have the utmost respect for the universe, and I am in NO way tempting or inviting more challenges! The year has felt like a never-ending battle.  One hit after another, after another, after another.  The moment you could feel the momentum turning positive again, another major blow would soon change that perception.  The word resilience comes to mind, only because I am still standing.  Most days I would say relentless, or more realistically use less elegant words and phrases such as “beat to shit,” “tap out,” or just a simple “WTF!?”  However, let’s go with resilience because my company is still operational, I learned more through mistakes this year than ever before, and my daughter is thriving and about to take new positive steps in her life.  I am also enjoying the opportunity to work with my girls at basketball and the chance to build out the CDABA basketball league for the girls in my local area.  This is one thing that has brought me a ton of joy despite having to maneuver through so many different obstacles in my professional life. The universe has given me good this year too, despite feeling blinded by the bad. 

To my work community, it’s no secret that this year has been perhaps one of the hardest and most brutal years we have experienced as a collective.  There have been layoffs everywhere, companies evolving, shutting down, merging and others scraping through with the hope that the storm passes soon.  I personally would have never thought it would last this long, but I am grateful that during this time we have taken it as an opportunity to reinvent ourselves, restructure from within and position ourselves for future scalable success.  Now here at Turtle, we just need to hit that power switch and turn the lights back on.  At this point of change, we will be bright enough to light up our path for the years to come.  

One of the most important parts of this year for me was learning to find a balance between being fair and being a pushover. This is one area I struggle with and have struggled with all my life. I typically have blinders on with humans and tend to think they are capable of change and growth.  I see the good in people and sometimes lose track of the fact they might not be the right fit professionally or personally. I will forever be a helper and sometimes forget to help myself. I suppose they do tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first for a reason.  A year ago, I started 2023 with the mentality that I had to be tougher.  That I had to be different than who I was at my core.  I stressed to my team that we needed to start being meaner, more direct, and less compassionate.  I stressed this so much that I lost not only one of my best employees, I lost one of my only real friends.  At that point I was flying solo for the first time in years and through the first few months I came to realize that this tactic didn’t work.  I realized that I had to find a balance.  I needed to keep some of the toughness but also not stray too far from who I am and from what I value. Gratefully, my friend and loyal employee returned to end the year with us. For that I am ever grateful, and I feel our dynamic is not the same--it is stronger than ever.  Things here have come full circle in 2023 and as we enter into the New Year, I feel that Turtle is getting back to its roots.  It has forged deeper and stronger roots backed with more knowledge on what works and how to survive through tough times.  I often wish I could restart this year with what I know now, but I know that without the discomfort of 2023, I would have never evolved. It is said that change rarely happens when you are comfortable.  However, I must also note that being comfortable is sometimes the goal.  I urge everyone to ensure that they are willing to risk that comfort before going down a path of too much change. Sometimes comfort is nice and worth holding onto. 

Now as we enter 2024, I look at every decision I make differently.  I feel myself wanting to be firm in some cases to get the job done, but I am doing my best to learn from my mistakes in 2023.  I need those mistakes to mean something, to be lessons. Another mistake I made was falling into the misconception that what you see on social media is real.  For some reason, LinkedIn makes it so that you feel everything is exactly as it seems, simply because it is a professional platform.  I felt the need to fit in, to evolve to be like every other seemingly successful company.  My mistake was thinking that our way of doing things wasn’t correct. I didn’t realize that we were already a success. Now, were we sponsoring major industry events? No.  Were we hosting major company retreats? Nope. Were we making a huge presence at shows? Still no.  Were we hustling behind the scenes? Yes.  Were we constantly available for our partners? Yes.  Did we have fun at work? Yes! Looking back, we had some of it right.  Now, I don’t think there is anything wrong with the events or the conferences. I think they are great and provide an extreme amount of value. I would love to be able to contribute more there in the years to come and provide sponsorships when the time is right.  I just think that there’s more to it than what you see. I think over time they are becoming more of a performance and less about what matters. 

This year has taught me and given me more confidence in myself to think that maybe I was doing things right, that being kind, being real and keeping it smaller was okay. Now don’t get me wrong, there are many things that I wish I could take back and do differently, most importantly I miss some of the relationships that were affected by the need to evolve and change.  To those that were impacted, please know that I still cherish those relationships and I want success for anyone that was a part of the tornado of 2023. I know not everyone was given the best role to play in this year’s chapter of Turtle, of Whitney. I hope you know how much I do appreciate, love and will forever be grateful for each of you. 

However, going back to mistakes, I need them to mean something, they must be lessons. My hope is that now other companies and individuals can learn from my mistakes and perhaps even take a page out of the Turtle playbook. I pray that if this resonates with anyone, that you can take value from knowing you aren’t alone. If you were on the struggle bus this year too, I see you.  Please know that we all made mistakes to attempt to grow and survive the turbulence, even if mistakes were made from the best intentions. 

After all of this, I am left still debating inside my head on what really matters?  Is it the publicity or is it the work you are putting in day after day?  Is there a balance we all need to find?  I lean heavier on balance as that seems to have been the lesson I have learned so forcefully in 2023. Therefore, this year will be about embracing balance between weakness and fairness while most importantly keeping relationships at the forefront of everything I do. 

Why am I putting this out there on LinkedIn?  Why am I doing the very thing this article is questioning?  I asked myself this a few times as I wrote it, and as I posted it.  However, I feel that our industry, just like our world, needs more realness.  We need the opportunity to be able to express when things SUCK, when we are stuck with a problem or a recurring pattern that we can’t solve or get through alone.  Community is what we need, but the community we choose is what is most important.  With that being said, I am starting a forum called Turtle Talk.  This is a place for owners to come and complain, stress, and help each other problem solve during the times where regulations are changing, employee management gets more difficult, fraud becomes more challenging to combat, etc.  A place where we can commiserate but also be real with each other.  Help each other navigate the next step.  This is not a place for deal slinging or business development opportunities.  This is not a place to bash each other or another person. This is a place to lean on others with similar struggles and perhaps help each other through problems we have already navigated ourselves.  This will begin as a once a month collaborative discussion with other owners. This is not a place for big words without substance, this is a place for actions. A place to fix problems and provide actual value outside of just fancy words on a screen. I will be announcing the first collaborative meeting and putting out the details for anyone interested after the holiday.  If you feel you are interested in being a part of this just give me a quick shout or message.  My hope is that this allows us all to succeed and learn through our collective mistakes. Let’s come together to heal, to build and to support each other in the way that social media CAN be bring positive value to our lives.   

From the bottom of my humbled heart, I wish you all a very Happy New Year and all the success you deserve in 2024!  Cheers!