The Stories We Tell Ourselves

I heard an interesting quote this week. It really has my head spinning. 

"We don't rise to the level of our goals. We fall to the level of our systems."

- James Clear in his book, Atomic Habits

So, full disclosure: I haven't read the book... yet. I just heard the quote on a podcast. So I may be taking this somewhat out of context. But, this rings true to me in many ways. 

My Experience with Goals... and a Lack of Good Systems

Since I was in elementary school I've been setting goals. I was told that people who set goals are more successful than those that don't (and I still believe that's true). But it's not a guarantee of success. I've set goal after goal in life. Some I have achieved. Many I have not. Looking back it wasn't that the goals I didn't achieve weren't worthwhile. Most of them were. It also wasn't that they weren't very achievable. And it wasn't that they were too vague or not measurable. After reading the above quote it seems to me that I just did not put together a very good system to get me there.

Now to get to the point of all this. 

Stories I Tell Myself: Lies, Damn Lies and a little bit of what's known as Truth

I believe everything I've written so far is true. But that could just be a story I'm telling myself (and you). It may actually be a lie that makes it easy for me to blame not reaching my goals on the lack of a good system rather than on my personal faults (distraction, laziness, lack of self-control, etc.). 

The story I'm telling myself - that if I had better systems I would achieve my goals could actually hinder my ability to achieve my goals. If the real reason is my personal faults, spending time on designing better systems could help, but if I still get distracted, become lazy and lack self-control then no matter how good the system is I still wouldn't achieve my goals. I would just be spending time continuing to spin my wheels.

False Stories that Look True and their Impact

I think you get the picture. Telling ourselves stories that aren't true can be destructive - even more destructive if we're a leader. As a leader these stories not only impact us, it impacts our people, our organization, our stakeholders, our customers, and beyond. Not good. Not good at all.

Unravel, Reveal and Re-Story:

So how do you unravel and reveal these lies so you can tell yourself a better story?

I believe it's part brain science and part art.

First, you have to become self-aware of the stories you tell yourself. This is no small feat. Often, we have told ourselves the same lies for so long that we own them. We believe them to our core. We let ourselves be led by them. Self-awareness is job one for all leaders. We have to unravel and sort out what's real and true... and what's not.

Next, you explore what the story reveals about who you see yourself as (beliefs, values, etc.), how that correlates with your behavior and how that has impacted you and others.

When you can see yourself more clearly and understand why you've been telling yourself these stories and how they've impacted you and others, that's the time to "re-story," rewriting the story you tell yourself in a way that makes you a better leader, improves your people and grows your organization.

From personal experience and the experience of my clients, going through this process of Unravel, Reveal and Re-Story will allow you to be a better leader, but it can also give you a better life. It's a simple process - but definitely not an easy one. You have to get out of your comfort zone. It takes a bit of stretching. But in the end I guarantee it will be worth it!

If this resonates, leave a comment or feel free to reach out and send me a message with your thoughts and questions.