DEAR AMY: My good friends want to downsize for retirement, but the major repairs needed on their house will prevent them from making enough on the sale to buy their next place.
They asked me to brainstorm options, and one idea I had was to convert the basement level into a rentable apartment, so they can use the rental income to complete the repairs on their home over time.
We did some quick math and their next step was to talk to their financial planner.
Well, they decided to go for it, but in my opinion they are making all the wrong decisions! They are using a handyman and doing a lot of work themselves in order to avoid filing for permits and to keep the cost lower.
I’m deeply concerned that they will end up struggling to rent the unit if it appears unsafe, plus losing money on the ultimate sale – and it will all be because of my suggestion.
They haven’t asked for my opinion again, and they are very excited about the whole thing.
I believe they’re cutting too many corners. I really want them to succeed with this, and I also don’t want them to resent taking my advice. Should I butt in?
– Worried for Friends
DEAR WORRIED: You were brainstorming with your friends and offered your advice. I assume that other ideas were bandied about during this brainstorming session.
They made a choice to adopt your idea, and now they are enacting it in their own way. It is no longer “your” idea, but theirs.
If they don’t follow safety guidelines, they might have a bigger problem on their hands than creating an unappealing rental unit. The rental unit needs to be safe for occupancy. Doing things “right” now will also avoid repair problems later, and will increase the overall value of their property.
When I feel compelled to offer advice (an occupational hazard), I start by asking, “Are you willing to hear some unsolicited advice?”
(Then you wait for the answer – because some people say no.)
If they welcome your feedback, you should offer it – one time – and then, no matter what, leave it completely alone, unless they ask for your opinion.
***
DEAR AMY: “Snapped At” described how his girlfriend is not particularly nice to her mother and grandmother, and how she exhibits some of this behavior toward him.
You should have advised him to “run, not walk.”
– Concerned
DEAR CONCERNED: Witnessing someone you care about being mean to anyone is a definite red flag. Before running, I think he should call her on it.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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