Ask Amy: I have to be honest with you - I wish you wouldn’t take calls while we’re at lunch together

DEAR AMY: I have lunch regularly with a close friend, “Celia.” As soon as we are seated, Celia will pull out her cellphone and nestle it right next to her fork. Invariably, Celia gets a call during the meal, grabs her phone (while telling me that she’ll let whoever’s calling know that she will call them back).

That never happens. The answered call always turns into a lengthy conversation — while I’m sitting across from her stirring my soup.

If Celia doesn’t see that I’m annoyed, she’s not paying attention at all.

I’m pretty sure a caller will leave a message and Celia can return the call as soon as lunch is over. Even if there’s no message, she knows who called and can call them back.

I love my friend. And I will continue to go to lunch with her and wait for her to return to our conversation when she gets a phone call.

My personality makes it extremely difficult for me to initiate a confrontation.

So I’m writing to you in an attempt to let people who are this attached to their phones to give the rest of us a little more consideration when we are together for a meal and conversation.

– iPhrustrated!

DEAR iPHRUSTRATED!: A quick story: Several years ago, I was visiting with a good friend. I was idly leafing through a J Crew catalog while she was talking to me. She stopped and said, “Please don’t do that!”

I said, “Oh, don’t worry – I’m listening to you, I’m just glancing at this.”

She responded with a version of: “It’s rude! I want you to pay attention to me.”

Gulp. Right. I’ll never forget how she just went ahead and said what she was thinking and what she wanted. (She was also right.)

Lesson learned – and we’re still very close.

You don’t have to be as direct as my friend was. But I think it would be a service to your friendship if you said, “I have to be honest with you – I wish you wouldn’t take calls while we’re at lunch together.”

Of course, she’ll justify her behavior (just like I did). You can add, “It makes me feel like an afterthought.”

(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)