Ask Amy: My son and his fiancé plan to wed on a day my husband and I are unavailable

DEAR AMY: My son and his fiancé “James” are getting married this fall.

When my son first mentioned that they were in the planning stages, we told him that we will be on a cruise from Oct. 17 to Oct. 29 and would not be available on those dates.

At that point the couple had not yet chosen a date.

Our cruise has taken us over a year to plan and save for (I am disabled, and my husband doesn’t make a lot of money), and it is nonrefundable.

Our son told us yesterday that James wants to get married on Oct. 17, as it is the winter solstice and full moon.

We are heartbroken.

James has never liked our family and our son knows that James is being malicious, but says the date is firm.

Should we ask that they reconsider and pick another date?

– Heartbroken in Canada

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Winter solstice is not in October this year (or any year), but in December.

Oct. 17 is, however, the date of an expected “super moon.”

This does sound like an auspicious day to get married, but it also sounds like an amazing night to be onboard a ship, enjoying the massive moon while at sea.

You have already notified your son about this conflict, and he and “James” are steaming full-speed ahead.

Yes, you could ask them once again to consider changing the date, but if they don’t change it, I think you should proceed into your own adventure.

Please, don’t cling to your heartbroken feelings. Write to your son and James. Tell them you are very happy for them, and that you are sorry you won’t be there to witness their wedding. And then tell them that you will raise a glass to toast them under the magnificent moon.

The same moon will shine over all of you; I hope it will help to heal your tougher feelings so that you and your husband will be able to enjoy your long-awaited trip together.é

(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)