Ask Amy: Parents worry that girlfriend isn’t worthy

DEAR AMY: My son “Jeramiah” has been dating “Anabel” for over a year.

Anabel has never brought my husband or me a card or gift for our birthdays or Christmas. She has never offered to help clean up after a meal, even when my son is helping.

I had surgery, and she never asked how it went or how I was feeling.

My biggest concern is her lack of motivation. Anabel’s type of work doesn’t offer medical insurance or benefits. I feel like she is pushing Jeramiah to get married because next year she will no longer be on her parents’ insurance.

I think she wants to marry him to be taken care of and quit her job.

We give Anabel gifts, have hosted her family, have supported her at her place of business, and always try to make her feel welcome.

My son sat us down and asked if we liked Anabel because he was thinking of proposing in the next year.

I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize my relationship with him, so I didn’t answer his question directly.

Instead, I asked HIM lots of questions in hopes that he would think about her qualities to see if she was truly the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

What else can I do?

– Concerned Mom in the Midwest

DEAR CONCERNED MOM: I think you responded well to this very loaded question. The only recommendation I would make would be for you and your spouse to ask, earnestly, “Are you asking if we like ‘Anabel’ because you have concerns or reservations about the relationship?”

I would then assure him that he needs to make whatever choices are best for him. Marriage is a really high-impact choice to make. You should encourage him to make sure not to respond to any outside pressure.

***

DEAR AMY: Your letter from “Living a Lie” really opened up an old wound.

My grandfather always claimed to have been at the Battle of the Bulge in WWII. After his death we were looking through his things and noted that he served his entire military service during the war at Fort Dix in New Jersey.

– Enlightened

DEAR ENLIGHTENED: All military service is worthy service, but I understand why some people have inflated their experiences.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)