DEAR ABBY: Nine months ago, I started dating an older man. I’ve known him for 14 years. We live several hundred miles apart. He lost both of his parents recently. We used to talk and/or text all day long. Now I hear from him only if I reach out. He says I need to give him time to process his loss. As his partner, it feels like he has shut me out. Any time I mention my feelings, he says I’m acting out. I don’t know whether I should walk away or hang tight. Please advise. -- SHUT OUT IN TEXAS
DEAR SHUT OUT: This man is absolutely right. He DOES need time to process the loss of his parents. This may strike you as humorous, but I couldn’t be more serious: Regardless of his age, your friend is now an orphan.
You cannot make the situation better. He has been clear about that. Stop trying to insert yourself and let him regain his balance. Tell him you are there for him IF he needs you. Call every couple of WEEKS to check on him, but not more often. If what you have together is good, in time, things may improve for both of you.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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