Dear Abby: Caregiver who feels overwhelmed and alone wonders how to keep what’s left of her sanity

DEAR ABBY: I am a caregiver for my elderly diabetic mother and my disabled husband, who is an alcoholic and also epileptic. Every single household responsibility falls on me -- cleaning, upkeep, shopping, driving, food preparation, etc. My mother refuses to eat right for her medical condition. It’s a daily struggle. I keep everything on hand to make it easy for her, but I still have to beg and plead.

I am not well. I have several autoimmune diseases that zap my strength. I love my mom and my husband, but this has taken every bit of joy from my life. My mother doesn’t have dementia -- she’s very aware of what she is doing.

As for my husband, his love for me will never come close to his love of alcohol. He is never abusive, but I have never felt so overwhelmed and alone at the same time. There are no siblings to help, and my children live out of state. Do you have any suggestions on how to keep what is left of my sanity? -- OVERWORKED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR OVERWORKED: Yes, I do, but you may not like what I have to say. It’s time to quit trying to “save” your mother and your husband from the fates they have chosen. Your mother is an adult and in possession of her faculties. Let her assume responsibility for herself and her treatment. (Or not -- also her choice.)

As to your husband’s alcoholism, join Al-Anon and start attending meetings. Only he can fix his drinking problem IF HE WANTS TO. Ruining your health trying to help people who don’t want to be helped may be well-intentioned, but it is also misguided.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.