Dear Abby: I want to leave my cheating wife but she says ‘I’ll just go to a homeless shelter’, so I stay

DEAR ABBY: After 10 years of being with my wife, including eight years of marriage, I accidentally discovered she was having affairs online. She put me through weeks of lies, denial, minimizing and obfuscating before finally giving me full disclosure. At this point, I’ll never know if I can believe her after her seven years of off-and-on cheating with one main partner and two others. Even if I were to believe she’s remorseful and has changed, it’s hard to live with what’s already happened.

It’s been 15 months. I can’t get past the pain of the betrayal and the feeling that she didn’t love or respect me for most of our relationship. In addition, there are images I can’t get out of my head. I want to leave, but finances and young children make it complicated. Also, my wife will cry, get dramatic and make me feel bad, telling me she will just go to a homeless shelter. I don’t know if she’s purposely trying to make me feel guilty or what. Please help. -- LIVING IN PAIN IN OREGON

DEAR LIVING: Of COURSE your wife is trying to make you feel guilty! The best defense is a strong offense. She didn’t lie to you once -- your entire marriage has been a continuous lie. Are you even sure the children are yours and not one of her lovers’?

Talk to a lawyer NOW. (While you’re at it, make an appointment to be tested for STDs.) If you are the father of any of those children, file for full custody. Where your wife lives after that is up to her. (Perhaps one of her lovers will take her in, which will spare you your feelings of undeserved guilt for protecting yourself.)

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.