DEAR ANNIE: My sister “Emily” and I were planning a joint celebration for our parents’ 40th wedding anniversary, but we’ve hit a snag. Emily wants to host a large party with all of our extended family and friends, but I think that a more intimate gathering would be more special and less stressful for our parents. They are both pretty reserved, and I just know they would prefer something smaller.
Every time I try to discuss this with Emily, it ends in an argument and she accuses me of not wanting to do something “all-out” for our parents. Every time I try to explain my reasoning to her, it doesn’t seem like she hears me. How can I communicate to Emily that a small celebration isn’t about cutting corners but honoring our parents’ preferences? -- Caught in the Middle in Michigan
DEAR CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE: Sit down with Emily and tell her that you understand her desire to celebrate this milestone in a big way. Then shift to emphasizing your parents’ character and preferences; it would be helpful if you could provide some examples, too. Propose a compromise by suggesting ways to make a smaller gathering feel special, like a beautiful venue, catered food or a professional photographer.
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