Miss Manners: What’s the appropriate way to refer to my brother’s long-term significant other?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate way to refer to my brother’s long-term significant other?

“Sister-in-law” wouldn’t be correct, since they are not legally married and will likely never be.

“Girlfriend” seems too casual to correctly reflect the depth and seriousness of their relationship (they have been together over a decade, and we hope they will be together forever).

“Partner” has often been construed to mean same-sex relationships and leads to awkward assumptions and incorrect pronoun use by others.

“My brother’s significant other” makes for an awkward mouthful in the middle of whatever story it is I am telling.

I have been using “girlfriend” all these years, but we’re on the wrong side of 50 now, and with each passing year, that term seems more and more flippant.

GENTLE READER: “Para-spouse”? No, not really.

Miss Manners remembers when this first became an issue -- because people stopped using derogatory labels, especially for women in such relationships.

That is when “significant other” began to be used. Much too treacly for everyday use.

Eventually, society settled on “partner,” which is not ideal, either. It is confusing not because it describes the same sort of relationships, whether straight or gay, but rather because it also has a business usage. As in, “Our daughter just made partner.”

Never mind. “Partner” is now common usage, so that is what you should say if you want to be understood.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)