Asking Eric: My coughing fits are embarrassing and I worry people think I’m sick or contagious

DEAR ERIC: I am in my 70s, and for the last couple of decades I have had occasional coughing fits that are triggered by talking too long and/or too loudly. When these fits happen, I literally can’t talk or stop coughing for several minutes. I’ve been to several doctors but have not been able to get a clear diagnosis or effective treatment.

My closest family and friends understand the problem, but it’s still embarrassing, especially when it happens with people I don’t know well or in a public setting.

When I am talking to others, should I warn them at the beginning of the conversation that I might start coughing and have to interrupt the conversation, either by hanging up the phone or walking away until the fit ends? If so, how should I explain it? I don’t want to give them my medical history, and I don’t want them to think that I’m sick or contagious.

– Curious Cough

DEAR CURIOUS: Everybody’s body does strange things from time to time. I’m sorry that your body is doing something that’s causing you social anxiety. I understand how having a prolonged cough can invite questions, comments or other unwelcome reactions, especially in a world still dealing with the impact of the Covid-19 pandemic. There’s nothing wrong with having a cough; it’s just a matter of figuring out how best to care for yourself and your community.

For your peace of mind, try telling people “Just so you know, I have a condition that causes me to cough sometimes. It’s not contagious or cause for concern, but I don’t want you to think I’m rude if I have to leave abruptly. Thanks for understanding!”

You don’t have to do this. But you may find it reduces your anxiety and sensitivity about the issue.

If and when you tell people about your cough, think of it not as an apology for having a body, but rather as information that will help them make the conversation a more welcoming, less tense experience for you.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)