Dear Abby: I’m her son, not her friend

DEAR ABBY: I’ve been having an issue lately involving my mother. It feels like she isn’t really my “mother” but someone who thinks we’re best friends. It’s like she never really grew out of her high school days -- and I’m almost 30.

I’ll have days at work where she texts to tell me about her day or her recent struggles, or she asks me to find furniture that would interest her. I feel awkward answering her questions, and wish I had a parent to talk with about some of my issues instead of feeling like I’m the more mature one.

She’s telling me that only I know what she likes, when I know her taste changes on a dime. She doesn’t speak to me the way most mothers talk to their sons. It’s more like how two teens at school talk to each other.

I know she has been through a lot, so it’s not that I want to ignore her. I don’t know what to say because I don’t know how to talk to this person anymore. I’m tired of feeling my stomach sink every time I have to respond to her. Please help. -- SON, NOT FRIEND, IN WASHINGTON

DEAR SON: You are not going to change your mother. She is who she is -- needy, emotionally immature and determined to depend on you. You can, however, change the way you react to her. A step in the right direction would be to restrict the time she can contact you during work hours. Another is to tell her you are not comfortable being her interior decorator and she should find someone with more time to spend with her. And last, remind her that you are her son, not her contemporary, and that YOU would like to be able to talk with her son-to-mother instead of as “buddies,” because you already have enough of those.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.