Miss Manners: Expectant couple finds it jarring to be asked about the circumstances surrounding conception

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After several years of dealing with infertility and undergoing various treatments, my husband and I are expecting our first child.

Since many of our family and friends were aware of our struggles to get pregnant, I have received a few invasive questions that I’d prefer to not answer: “So, did you guys do IVF? Donor embryos?” etc. I find it jarring to be asked about something as personal as the circumstances surrounding conception, but I know some are just too curious to help themselves.

Can you suggest a response that signals it’s incredibly rude to ask such questions? Every response I come up with ends with a few choice four-letter words, which I know Miss Manners would strongly condemn. I’m in great need of your grace and tact.

GENTLE READER: Consider this practice at dealing with childishness. As parents, you will gauge your answers to the maturity of the questioner.

This is such a case. Miss Manners assures you that mature people do not go around asking others how babies are made.

In a tone of excited confidentiality, you could say, “What happened is that the stork has scheduled a visit with us.” Then, before they can react, “We’re sure you want to congratulate us.”

The tone to use is the same one in which you will soon say, countless times, “Say “thank you,’ dear.”

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)