Newcastle’s player of the season: Kieran Trippier, leader of The Indivisibles

Newcastle’s player of the season: Kieran Trippier, leader of The Indivisibles

George Caulkin
May 25, 2023

You could pretty much choose anybody. In fact, you pretty much did. Anointing Newcastle United’s player of the season feels like a futile task and — miracle of holy miracles — for once it’s not because everything is shit, everyone is shit and what the shit is the shitting point. No, this decision is challenging precisely because everyone and everything is brilliant and Eddie Howe’s players are the very definition of a team. They are… The Indivisibles.

Plenty of you agree.

Apologies, but I don’t do data. I do asking on Twitter, which means far less work.

No, see above.

It is a cop-out, yes, and doesn’t help me at all, but I concur with the general principle.

I like this.

It really hasn’t Graeme, but thank you for proving my point.

I suppose I’m going to have to.

And yet there are the basic terms of my contract with The Athletic to consider, so divide The Indivisibles we must. Perhaps we should just have done with it, opt for an easy life, and say “Nick Pope.” Back in the deep mists of time (last August) — and for reasons far too convoluted to go into — “Nick Pope” was briefly the answer to everything, trending on Twitter thanks to that mischievous fella @ToonPolls.

Soon, everybody was getting in on the act.

Pope would be a fine and worthy choice, too. With 10 consecutive clean sheets at one stage this season, the England international has been sensational since his bargain £10million signing from Burnley, barring the brain-fart dismissal against Liverpool which saw him miss out on the Carabao Cup final. Bruno Guimaraes described him as “the best goalkeeper in the world”. And what Bruno says, goes.

On a related subject, we could any pick any member of the second-meanest defence in the division.

Like Kieran Trippier…

Or Fabian Schar, resurrected from centre-half purgatory under Eddie Howe’s management.

(Side-note I: @SavMondo celebrates the weekly anniversary — weekiversary? — of Schar signing his latest contract and may not be a wholly independent participant in this particular debate. God, he is handsome though).

Sven Botman:

Dan Burn; big, from Blyth, born to dance.

(Sidenote II: I adore Dan. He has played out of position all season, his shoulder keeps dislocating, he plays every game as if it is his first or his last and we are living our dream through him living his. His earliest memory of watching Newcastle is Sir Bobby Robson’s Champions League team and his legacy is to lead the team back there. What a story, what a player, what a very tall man).

But then there’s midfield, too, and the silky, steely influence of Newcastle’s great game-changer, Bruno Guimaraes…

And how can you possibly look beyond Joelinton, enforcer, powerhouse and, in Alan Shearer’s exquisite words, a “fucking beast”?

What about Sean Longstaff, a forgotten footballer two years ago and now Newcastle’s redemptive running man?

Or Jacob Murphy, another boyhood Newcastle fan, another to lift his levels exponentially and also King Shithouse.

But then here come the Joe Willock fans …

And perma-smiler Miguel Almiron has his tribe, too.

See what I mean, though? This debate, this choice of meaningful candidates is ridiculous and beautiful.

We can’t forget that Callum Wilson has scored 18 league goals this season.

And some of those gossamer touches from Alexander Isak… Wow.

Even the players who don’t play very often are picking up votes.

Lascelles has the distinction of earning two cautions for disrupting opposition throw-ins while warming up. And although that’s a bit of a laugh, the point is they’re all in it together, which is what makes this season and this team so special.

But we’re running out of space and must make a choice. Here is Shearer’s. “For me, player of the season has been Tripper,” he says. “He has been the catalyst for everything, the first signing after the takeover, the first one through the door, an England international, La Liga winner and him coming to join the fight sent a message out. He’s lifted everybody and he’s just been a proper, proper captain all season.”

And Trippier is officially Newcastle’s official choice, too.

In spite of all the competition, it is difficult to dispute.

I have no idea how you know this Jeff, but my cheeks are indeed very sweet, thank you!

Trippier is the tone-setter, the tempo-setter, the standard-bearer and standard-lifter, captain on the pitch, leader in the dressing room, first among equals. But this Newcastle are a collective, tightly bound together, better than the sum of their parts, and to choose one feels wrong. Have they ever been like this before — so strong, so purposeful, so difficult to pick apart? Player of the season? It’s all of them, indivisible and United and so very, very good.

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George Caulkin

George Caulkin has been reporting on football in the North East of England since 1994, 21 of those years for The Times. There have been a few ups, a multitude of downs and precisely one meaningful trophy. Follow George on Twitter @GeorgeCaulkin