So, you want to be a hotshot war correspondent? Here is a list of guidelines given Sentinel reporter Roger Roy and other journalists who soon will join the 1st Marine Expeditionary Force in Kuwait.
“We recommend males shave every day. Your NBC [nuclear-biological-chemical] mask will not get a good seal if you have a beard or facial hair growth. Without a good seal in a chemical or biological contamination environment, you may suffer severe adverse effects or die.
“Smoking and flashlights are strictly prohibited at night. If the enemy can see you, they will kill you.
“Use of any sort of infrared camera emitting at night is strictly prohibited. If the enemy can see you with night vision goggles, they will kill you.”
“We strongly encourage you to purchase your own body armor.”
And lastly: “We look forward to having you here at the 1st Marine Division. Our Marines are smart, eager and aggressive and looking forward to ‘adopting’ you for this war. Keep your head down and semper fi.”
BACK FOR DINNER
The Marines obviously aren’t expecting this to take very long.
The list of suggested supplies includes one bottle of sun lotion, one tube of toothpaste and two rolls of toilet paper.
THE READERS WRITE
Dear Mike: I wonder when you got your degree in astrophysics? How could you possibly have any idea at this point, or any other point, what NASA’s probe should be focusing on?
Stacy Davis
Dear Stacy: I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express.
Dear Mike: In the past few months, I’ve noticed every Friday a group of people get together with their lawn chairs in front of the Orlando Sentinel building. Why? Is it open to everyone?
Ken Roman
Dear Ken: Autograph hounds. Bane of my existence.
Dear Mike: My mom forwarded me your article about duct tape. When the sarin gas or biohazards come, I’ll take mine straight up with a deep breath and a cold Miller Lite to wash it down.
J. Houser
Dear J.: You want the last taste in your mouth to be Miller Lite? You’re going to die. Spring for an import, for crying out loud.
Dear Mike: Remember, duct tape is like the “Force.” It has a light and dark side and holds the universe together.
Dean Todd
Dear Dean: The Big Bang actually was the Big Tear.
Dear Mike: I’m sure that like most individuals lacking in common sense, you’re well-intentioned. Or you could be trying to kick-start your career by writing columns that are so obnoxious they warrant attention. Either way, you serve no real purpose other than being irritating and obtrusive.
Tim Cates
Dear Tim: I get enough of that at home.
Dear Michael: You left out a very important time we saved the butt of France.
How about the war [the French] had with North Vietnam? They not only took a back seat when we offered help; they actually left the country.
Ed Schulz
Dear Ed: And our mistake was not doing the same thing.
