The Gripe Report: 'Biggest Travel Days,' Mushy Fruit', A Bathroom Rankings Amendment

Whew. Let me tell you, I feel refreshed… but that will not keep me from griping.

I got home over the weekend from a week at the Outer Banks with my family (sorry, no Gripe Report last week, but my family was lucky to hear some exclusive, live gripes. Very cool for them)

It was a nice week spent sitting by the pool, moving to the beach, bitching about the sand like Anakin Skywalker, and then going back to the pool.

Plenty of Narragansett in throwback 1970s cans were consumed (and then crushed like Quint because that's what you do) and good times were had by all.

Have a gripe? Don't kid yourself; we all know you do: [email protected]

Even the lengthy road trip wasn't the worst I've ever experienced.  Even my fellow motorists seemed well-behaved, at least until the drive home when for some reason, I-95 through Jacksonville turned into Fury Road.

I even got the chance to stop at a couple of Buc-ee's gas stations for the first time, and I learned firsthand just why these places are so legendary.

So, for that reason, we need to start with a quick mea culpa…

If you hear angelic music playing in your head upon seeing this picture, then you know what's up. (Photo by Brandon Bell/Getty Images)

Buc-ee’s Bathrooms

Two weeks ago, I put together a list of the primo road trip bathrooms, and while I stand by most of that list, there was one glaring, Texas-sized mistake in it that was pointed out by our pal, Chris in Nebraska:

Excellent list! I feel like Buc-ee's is too...low? I feel like they should be #1 just for the fact that they are almost always spotless and you get the full door for extra privacy. I have to knock the hotel lobby just a bit for distance factor, you don't want to take a wrong turn when you feel something popping out of you know where like a turtle coming out of its shell.

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So, he makes some strong points here.

If you don't remember, I put Buc-ee's at No. 3 along with other gas stations from which you'd buy hot food, like Sheetz or Wawa. That stuck it behind Cracker Barrel in second place and hotel lobbies in the top spot.

Yes, the hotel lobby can be a hike — often a straight-legged one — but that's the price you pay for comfort. Your quickest option is to pull over and hide behind a bush, but that's not too comfortable, is it?

Still, it's a fair critique of the list.

Now as far as Buc-ee's, I was completely wrong. Having gotten to experience Buc-ee's bathrooms firsthand, I can safely say that they are No. 1 when you need to No. 2.

They are immaculate. I'm sure there are operating rooms with more dirt in them than Buc-ee's restrooms. I mean, they're so nice they sell art in them. I'm not kidding. They had a bunch of canvases you could buy in the bathroom. 

I kind of wanted one with a buffalo on it. It was cool, and I figured if people asked me, "Hey, Matt — you're strikingly handsome by the way — where'd you get that super cool buffalo painting?" then I'd be like, "Well, I misjudged my morning coffee timing, so we had to make an unplanned stop at Buc-ee's…"

What a conversation piece.

I wrote that original list before I had experienced a Buc-ee's firsthand. Chris is 100% Buc-ee's should top the list, even if only for the fact that it's the only restroom on the list that you can walk out and then immediately grab one hell of a brisket sandwich.

Hey, did you know that people travel a lot before holidays? Well, you'll be reminded a bunch of times this year. (Photo by Robert Alexander/Getty Images)

‘Biggest Travel Day Of The Year’

Speaking of road trips, with the Fourth of July coming up,  I think we need to do something about the phrase, "biggest travel day of the year."

It's meaningless because there are anywhere from 5 to 9 days of the year that you'll hear this being said, usually on the news. Trust me, I understand how you have to grasp at straws on a slow news day, but reporting that a lot of people travel the day before the Fourth of July is unnecessary.

I hear this around the Holy Triumvirate of Picnic Holidays (that's Memorial Day, Fourth of July, and Labor Day), but I hear it around Thanksgiving and Christmas too.

Yes, a lot of people travel on those days. We get it. It's nothing but an excuse to snag some footage of people looking either sad, tired, or homicidal while trying to board a plane.

I feel like over the years, "Busiest travel day of the year" has been amended to "one of the biggest travel days of the year." That's probably because one local news producer finally realized they had put those words in the teleprompter for Thanksgiving and were doing it again a month later before Christmas.

Let's stop, please.

How has our collective fruit-picking batting average not gone up over the years? (Getty Images)

Mushy Fruit

As a connoisseur of gripes, I like to search the wilds for good complaints. Sometimes I find them, while other times I find bad complaints like this one.

However, it shines a light on something that does bother me.

I found it on Reddit in the sub r/UnpopularOpinion and it comes from u/bill-murrie. The thing is, I don't think this opinion is unpopular at all:

Crunchy fruit is superior to their soft versions

Peaches, mango, nectarines, plums, you name it. The crunch is more satisfying than the mush you get when you bite into a soft/overripe fruit. Hell, even the core of a pineapple is better than the rest.

…

I mean… no one disagrees with this, right? That's not an unpopular opinion at all. It's probably as popular as saying, "I hate dog poo out of the tread of my dog-walkin' Crocs."

Seriously. Take nectarines, for example. That's an elite fruit, and they're so much better when they still have a bit of crispness to them. When they start to become a bag of mush? Not so much.

But it did remind me how much I hate the lottery that is buying fruit.

I've talked about it before with avocados — which we all know either turn to mush before you get to your car, or don't ripen until the following Christmas; there is no in-between — but I feel like as a society, our fruit-picking batting average should have gone up over the years, and I don't think it has.

I'm not saying to genetically engineer crispier fruit, but maybe we'd have gathered more knowledge about when to buy them.

I can't tell you how many times I've been disappointed by produce.

Wait, yes I can. Many.

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Welp, that's it for this week, kids. Whatdya say we meet back here next week for another round of griping? In the meantime, send me your gripes or thoughts!: [email protected]