My new video game nemesis is the dreadful Stalker from Helldivers 2

I like to think I’m a very patient person, able to put up with any life challenge with a smile on my face. I’m well-behaved, polite, and forgiving. But there’s one thing that reliably drives me into a fury, turning me into an enraged and incoherent fool. That would be one of the most irritating video game enemies of all time: the Stalker from Helldivers 2, a bug that somehow feels like it is trying to target me, specifically, due to some deeply personal grudge.

Helldivers 2 developer Arrowhead has thrown out plenty of unexpected surprises, like a suicide mission to a bug-infested planet that ripped open a black hole, or a shocking Automaton counter-invasion days after we thought we had wiped the bots off the map. All of this is child’s play compared to the Stalker, an enemy that cloaks, waits to jump you, and then eviscerates you with its flickering tongue and slashing claws.

At first, Stalkers were stealthy, but not completely cloaked; they had a shimmery effect that allowed players to see their outline at a distance, especially during weather effects like fog. Near the end of April, Arrowhead changed this and made it so Stalkers are truly stealthed. It’s possible to glimpse a little shimmer if the conditions are perfect, but realistically, you’re probably going to get jumped and then thoroughly thumped.

It’s gotten to the point where, if I’m playing against Terminids, I center my entire strategy around these hateful little beasts. I use the guard dog backpack to fry sneaky Stalkers. I roll with a grenade launcher, and as soon as I get a whiff of Stalkers I start hunting down their nests so I can pelt them with grenades. If I don’t get to feel safe and secure, why should they?

You would expect that with the passage of time, I would be more prepared to deal with Stalkers. You would be wrong! I’m comfortable with a Bile Titan, and I’ve dealt with half a dozen Chargers without breaking a sweat. I actually like fighting Automatons, even though a lot of players find them to be the scarier faction.

But fuck Stalkers. All my homies hate Stalkers. I will never forget the humiliating experience of loading in to play a mid-level match as a two-man team with a buddy of mine, only to find ourselves air hockeyed back and forth like the saddest puck between a never ending stream of Stalkers.

There are ways to deal with these guys — shotguns, careful headshots, certain stratagems — but months into the lifespan of Helldivers 2, they’re the only things that make me genuinely mad. Time has not healed that particular wound at all. That’s an achievement, I suppose, so congratulations to the Stalker for claiming its place as one of the most irritating video game enemies of all time.