Shy. Private. Reserved. These are the words that have always come up in conversations about Shania Twain with my journalist friends who've interviewed her. So then there I am, on a couch at REDBOOK's photo shoot in Toronto, waiting for Shania to finish on set and strategizing all the ways I can encourage her to open up. Should I ask about her recent wedding? People love to talk about their weddings. Tell her (truthfully) that she looks decades younger than 45? See if she has any recent pictures of her 9-year-old son, Eja? So much for strategy: After the last shot has been snapped, the country superstar bounces over and plops herself on the couch, ready — no, excited — to get personal. Sitting cross-legged in a navy tracksuit, worn-in sneakers, and an eye-popping diamond ring, she talks (and talks), laughs frequently, and reaches out companionably to touch my arm. For the next hour, Shania, who is warm and sharply intelligent, amazes me with all she's held back over the years.
This is the changed woman fans will encounter in her candid new autobiography, From This Moment On (which she wrote herself, instead of hiring a ghostwriter as many celebrities do), and on her TV show for the OWN network, a journey of self-discovery called Why Not? With Shania Twain. They will hear Shania speak out about topics as wide-ranging as the domestic violence she witnessed as a child in Canada to the breakup of her marriage in 2008, when she learned that her husband of 14 years, music producer Robert "Mutt" Lange, was having an affair with her close friend Marie-Anne Thiébaud. "I'm tired of suppressing myself," she tells me. "How can you live such an extreme life and nobody knows even half of what you've gone through?"
Now, thanks to her openness, we will. Stunned after her husband's betrayal, Shania shut down. Every morning, she'd drag herself out of bed and put on a happy face for Eja [pronounced Asia] as she got him ready for school. After he left, she'd get back into her pajamas and climb into bed until he returned. Days turned to months as she obsessed over details of the affair. By the time Shania wrote the book last summer, however, some righteous anger had kicked in — so much so that she decided to include a few smoothly deceitful emails from Marie-Anne. "I am actually at the spa now.... I really enjoy it!" she wrote Shania from a trip that was, in fact, a getaway with Lange.
Even though Shania says she's still healing, she has clearly moved on — to bigger and better (and oh-so-handsome) things. As everyone who saw her luminous New Year's Day wedding pictures knows, Shania is now married to her friend's ex-husband. In a state of mutual shock, she and businessman Frédéric Thiébaud turned to each other for comfort, and a year later, love blossomed. Now she finds telling her story incredibly cathartic. "I felt that the sooner I could relax about my secrets, the sooner I'd find the relief that comes with release," she says, smiling. "Nothing like getting it out there in the sunshine and fresh air."
What made now the right time to put out your memoir?
One reason was to share my experiences with others. And it was important to me to have a legacy for my son. I certainly don't think you need to be famous to want to leave a legacy, but when you are famous, it's even more likely that your child will get the wrong perspective on your life if you die prematurely. There are so many opinions about who you were.
So if something were to happen to you, and Eja researched you, he'd get a distorted picture?
He'd get a million different perspectives. He wouldn't know who I was, what I thought, or how my life unfolded. And then, of course, a feeling of urgency was the other reason for doing the book. When my parents died [in a car accident when Shania was 21], that started a lifelong anxiety in me about dying prematurely. The breakup of my marriage really brought all those worries to the forefront and reminded me that, hmm, you just never know what's around the next corner.
You describe the experience of fame so well in the book — your isolation and craving for normal activities. I loved the story of when your assistant went to Walmart to pick out paint and you jumped to join her.
[Laughs] She said, "I can't believe you want to pick out paint with me." I think it's important that readers know that not every celebrity is a freak. But I started to feel like one the further away I got from being able to live a normal life. And I'm not a freak! I'm just like you. I'm like everybody else.
Tell me about the process of writing the book.
The book came so easily. I wrote it very quickly, in a matter of months. My life revolves around my child's routine. I'm a mom first. I can't do the whole night-owl thing while I'm writing and then not be able to get up at 6:30 to get my son ready for school. So I was very disciplined. I'd write in the middle of the day, and then a little bit in the evening after Eja was in bed.
There are some harrowing parts in it, such as graphic descriptions of your dad beating up your mom when you were little. When will you let Eja read it?
I wanted to be honest. But now I feel like there needs to be a warning sign on the book that nobody under 16 should read it. My life is just loaded with extremes, and I think what I'll do with Eja is slowly, over time, start explaining my life to him and preparing him. I'll just judge it as the time comes. I've led such a private life that even he doesn't know what I'm about — my own child. The first time he ever saw me cry was when I found out about the affair. I'm not a crier, but I thought, Gee, that's not right. That was a wake-up call.
What did that time feel like?
It was like I was kicked off my own bus while it was moving full speed ahead, and I landed in the dirt and everything I had was thrown out after me. And after tumbling and getting a mouthful of dirt, I had to try to stand up, and then figure out where I was and start walking. So it took me eight months before I realized that, yes, I'm still me, and yes, I'm a mother, and yes, I'm a singer and a songwriter, and I can love again, and I have friends, and yes, I'm alive.
You also found you couldn't sing in front of people afterward.
It's a constriction that's both psychological and emotional, and it literally does choke the muscles around the voice box. It's called dysphonia, and I realize now that it began when I was a child. I was not naturally meant to be on stage. I hated being in the spotlight; I was scared. Who likes being scared? I know people will say, "Why did you do it, then?" Well, when your parent says, "Eat peas," you eat peas. When your mom says, "You're going to be a singer," you become a singer. Was it me who really wanted it, and my mother saw my passion? Or was it that she wanted it, and then I discovered my passion? I'll never know. When my marriage broke down, I got so physically constricted that I couldn't get any volume out at all. I couldn't even call for my dog. I realized I couldn't live without singing and had to do something about it. This is why I was like, "Just get it all out right now. Clean the pipes."
REDBOOK has done plenty of stories on men who cheat or just up and leave. What would you say to women who have been through something like that?
Being betrayed is one of the most valuable lessons life can teach. Now that you are wise to the game, you have the tools to choose your friends more carefully and protect your inner circle from these predators. Wear your scars like a badge. Someone hurt you, you lived through it, and now you can talk about it without rage and revenge in your heart.
Were there any songs or artists who helped you get through your toughest times?
The album Silence Speaks, by the [Canadian] twins known as RyanDan, brought me to my knees in complete, uncontrollable tears and also gave me a feeling of peace and inspiration. I also drew inspiration from Duffy and old classics like Etta James's "At Last," as well as my own song "Today," the first original song I wrote alone after 14 years of collaborating with Mutt. It became the theme song for my series.
Is it true that your husband, Frédéric, planted the seed for your TV series when your breakup was still fresh?
It was Fred's birthday, and we'd gone to Italy for the weekend. He started filming me on his phone camera, and looking at the video, I thought, I've never seen myself like this before. I've never seen myself so devastated. And I realized I didn't want to run away [from what I was experiencing] anymore. I wanted to face it. I thought, I have to document everything. I need to know myself better, dig deeper.
You're stripped of all glamour and artifice on much of the show. Was showing your natural self a conscious decision?
I documented the last months of my healing process to force myself to face uncomfortable fears so I could move forward and share my experiences. I hope that people benefit from the candid footage. I'm human, you're human, we all go through the same doo-doo. No need for makeup, lights, action.
Fred was a big part of your healing too, wasn't he? How did you know he was right for you?
I got to observe Fred going through the same thing I was, and I admired how he handled it. That is where I fell in love with him, because he was so exemplary in every way.
You really do see what someone is made of in a crisis.
Yes, you see all their anger, how they handle their grief, their desperation. And he did it beautifully and was able to give me support at the same time. I admired him first. I think that's very important.
Then, later, you found out that he was this "romance god," as you put it in the book.
He creates romantic surprises for me all the time. The other day I was showering and he had to go out. He knew I hadn't eaten yet, and I had to go somewhere too. So before he left, he prepared me a salad. I could hear chopping and singing, and I'm thinking, What is he doing? I came out of the bathroom, and he'd set up a little table with a note saying, "I love you — Fred." And there was a glass of wine, and this beautiful salad with little tomatoes and flowers all around the edges. He's very good at doing displays!
He plated it like a restaurant would! Do you feel like you two had a whirlwind courtship?
It's three years now since our separations, and we had a good year of just suffering together as friends. And don't forget I'd known him for many years before. So it was that, then another year of falling in love. It didn't feel like a whirlwind at all, to be honest.
I'm sorry, but I just have to say this: Your marriage to Fred is kind of the perfect revenge. Do you ever wake up, look at him, and think, Nice!?
Of course I do, only Fred is not only nice, he's incredible. He's attentive, brighter than God should ever allow any one man to be, funny, romantic, and cute as heck. Most of all, he shows what he feels, and that's a quality that could come in any shape or size and be admired — it just so happens that Fred has a very gorgeous shape. He's too good to be true, only he's real! Good for me, is all I can say, and I'm loving every minute of it.
5 Facts About Frédéric
Shania would like to nominate her man for our Hottest Husband award!
HIS BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE: "His eyes. They're gentle, intelligent, and alluring, and such a beautiful shade of green. Fred's and Eja's eyes are exactly the same shade."
HIS BEST CHARACTERISTIC: "Fred is a true gentleman. He waits for everyone else to begin eating before taking a bite. He's always concerned about world affairs and the interests of others."
OUR SILLIEST COUPLE HABIT: "We stare at each other a lot and call each other lovey names. I'm Sunshy, short for Sunshine, and he's Beauty Man, because he's so darn beautiful!"
OUR FAVORITE ACTIVITIES: "Kissing, talking, playing tennis. Fred hits hard and keeps me on my toes. I'd chase a ball for him any day."
BEST LESSON HE'S TAUGHT ME: "Fred has shown me through example how to stop, listen, think, and then express myself, instead of immediately saying things I might wind up regretting. Trust me, that's hard for a girl who grew up cursing hockey refs. Fred's my 'count to 10.'"
