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The Daily Mauling: 9.5.2024
Ohh. I like it better when they’re making fun of people who aren’t me
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The Daily Mauling: 9.4.2024
For the love of God, sir! There are two seats! I like to put my feet up.
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The Daily Mauling: 9.3.2024
Good morning, ma’am. Good afternoon, sir. It passed noon while I was speaking, so that was technically accurate. He’s crazy.
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The Weekend Mauling: 8.31.2024
So long, Lisa! If anything goes wrong, just dial 911 - unless it’s an emergency. Okay, Chief! Enjoy Bob Saget! It’s Bob Seger. Aw, crap!
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The Daily Mauling: 8.30.2024
After an exhaustive search, Springfield has found its monorail conductor— Homer Simpson.
The Latest
Kansas Mauls Lindenwood, 48-3
Good one to shake off the dust
Lindenwood at Kansas: Open Game Thread
Rock Chalk!
How to Watch: Lindenwood at Kansas
Kick off time, TV, radio, and more for today’s game
KU Football Preview: Lindenwood
We’re excited about football season! As Kansas fans!
The Game Day Mauling: 8.29.2024
Look at that. You can see the four states that border Springfield: Ohio, Nevada, Maine and Kentucky.
The Daily Mauling: 8.28.2024
Will you knock it off! I can’t hear myself think. I want some peanuts. That’s better.
Here’s how KU wins the CFP
Move over folks, there’s a new sheriff in town.
KU Football Releases Week 1 Depth Chart
where are the ORs?
The Daily Mauling: 8.26.2024
Homer, I owe you one, buddy. No sooner had I shaved off the old cookie duster than a lady cast me in a commercial. I tell ya’ the way these checks keep coming in— it’s almost criminal. You dirty bast...!
The Weekend Mauling: 8.24.2024
What should I do? Tell me quick. No need to panic. There’s a map to the hospital on the back of the menu.
The Daily Mauling: 8.23.2024
You know that feeling you get... when a thousand knives of fire are stabbing you in the heart? I got that right now. Ooh! Bacon!
The Daily Mauling: 8.22.2024
Whoop-dee-do, employees. Everyone who’s found true love may leave early today.
The Daily Mauling: 8.21.2024
Ah, yes. Simpson. I’ll have my lunch now. A single pillow of shredded wheat... some steamed toast and a dodo egg. But I think the dodo went extinct- Get going!
The Daily Mauling: 8.20.2024
It’s no use. I’m never gonna find that tree. This whole raid was as useless as that yellow, lemon-shaped rock over there. Wait a minute. There’s a lemon behind that rock! The tree!
The Daily Mauling: 8.19.2024
Hmm, I don’t agree with his Bart-killing policy. But I do approve of his Selma-killing policy.
The Weekend Mauling: 8.17.2024
How do you sleep at night? On top of a pile of money with many beautiful ladies.
The Daily Mauling: 8.16.2024
Abe, you coming? Any stairs? Just one. Nuts to you!
The Daily Mauling: 8.15.2024
Down here at Springfield Mall, a storm-addled crowd appears to have turned its rage on the Leftorium. Surprisingly, people are grabbing things with both hands, suggesting it’s not just southpaws in this rampaging mob.
The Daily Mauling: 8.14.2024
Isn’t it amazing, the same day you got a pool is the same day we realized we liked you?
The Daily Mauling: 8.13.2024
Down here at Springfield Mall, a storm-addled crowd appears to have turned its rage on the Leftorium. Surprisingly, people are grabbing things with both hands, suggesting it’s not just southpaws in this rampaging mob.
The Daily Mauling: 8.12.2024
This was originally a Halloween costume but it found its way into my regular rotation.
The Daily Mauling: 8.9.2024
Homie, you’re good at lots of things. Like what? Like snuggling. Yeah, but none of my friends can watch me.
The Daily Mauling: 8.8.2024
Attention please. I need a volunteer for a thankless chore. Shall I assume the only hand in the air is Lisa Simpson’s? Thank you, Lisa.
The Daily Mauling: 8.7.2024
That is the rarest gummi of them all. The gummi Venus de Milo, carved by gummi artisans who work exclusively in the medium of gummi. Will you two stop saying "gummi" so much?
The Daily Mauling: 8.6.2024
Of the 160 gravest charges, the most troubling are: performing major operations with a knife and fork from a seafood restaurant- But I cleaned them with my napkin. Misuse of the cadavers- I get here earlier when I drive in the car pool lane.
The Daily Mauling: 8.5.2024
Hello, work? This is Homer Simpson. I won’t be coming in tomorrow. Religious holiday. The, uh, Feast of Maximum Occupancy.
The Weekend Mauling: 8.3.2024
I’ll be defending you on the charge of... murder one! Wow. Even if I lose I’ll be famous.
The Daily Mauling: 8.2.2024
That’s right, boys, Troy’s back from the gutter and he’s brought someone with him.
The Daily Mauling: 8.1.2024
Can I take your order? Nothing for me today. I’ve got a class to teach. Sir, it’s a felony to tease the order box.