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The Coffee Break Screenwriter - Pilar Alessandra
The Coffee Break Screenwriter - Pilar Alessandra
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Pilar Alessandra
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808.23--dc22
2010018798
Printed on Recycled Stock
Contents
INTRODUCTION
HOW TO USE THIS BOOK
CHAPTER 1: THE STORY
EMOTION TELLS THE STORY
CHARACTER FLAW TELLS THE STORY
CONCEPT TELLS THE STORY
SECONDARY CHARACTERS TELL THE STORY
COMPLICATION TELLS THE STORY
SYNOPSIZING TELLS THE STORY
RESOLUTION TELLS THE STORY
PLOT AND CHARACTER ELEMENTS TELL THE
STORY
YOU TELL THE STORY
CHAPTER 2: THE STRUCTURE
ORGANIZING YOUR STORY
THE STRUCTURE SHEET
CHAPTER 3: THE OUTLINE
THE EIGHT-SEQUENCE BEAT SHEET
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AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY
Introduction
Youve got ten minutes. No, really, thats all
youve got. After all, you had to use your
lunch hour to feed yourself. You had to get to
that meeting. You had to make that phone
call. You had to get the kids in the bath. There
were things to do, and no time to do it!
But now youve crammed your lunch in, sat
through the meeting you dont know why you
took in the first place and cleaned up the kids.
Youve managed to take a deep breath and sit
down for a second and focus ... perhaps for
ten whole minutes. Perhaps, even on your
screenplay.
Remember your screenplay? That wonderful, visual story that youve been dying to finish ... or just start. The one you keep nagging
yourself to write every time you leave a movie
theater and think, I can do that!
You think you need days, weeks, years that
you dont have. You think you need to study
theory, create long outlines and carefully pick
each word before it even hits the page. You
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think youll never have the time to even consider an idea, let alone write it. And, youve
only got ten minutes. Ten lousy minutes.
Good enough.
If only every screenwriter were as lucky as
you. Ten minutes gives you the ticking clock
every writer secretly needs: a deadline.
As a screenwriting instructor, Im an advocate of in-class writing work that gets people
writing in the moment. I give students ten
minutes to write entire scenes, and they often
create masterpieces. Ive also seen what can
happen when I give writers the additional five
minutes they beg for: they overwrite. They
think too much. They fix what aint broke, and
they write themselves into a corner.
Fortunately, you only have ten minutes. You
have no choice but to create work thats spontaneous and fresh. You just need some help to
learn to use that time well.
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CHAPTER 1
The Story
This chapter will help you to brainstorm your
idea, shape it into a story, and hone it into
something movie-worthy. Were going to build
from character flaw, nail the hook of your
movie, make decisions about the middle, experiment with the ending, and then see what
happens when we put it all together. Not
every brainstorming tool will be the one that
cracks your story open. But at least one of
them will. And, when it does, keep working
from there!
Getting Past Brain Freeze
So youve carved out that ten minutes, but
now your brain is frozen. What was it you
were going to write again? It was about that
guy who did that thing in that place, right?
Well, believe it or not, thats a start!
TEN-MINUTE LECTURE:
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END OF LECTURE
While you have ten minutes, lets put these
elements in order and see what you come up
with.
TAKE TEN:
THE OVERVIEW
MAIN CHARACTER
What kind of person is he?
PROBLEM
What difficult situation occurs?
ACTIVITY
What does he do about it?
STAKES
Ultimately, what does he have to lose if he doesnt succeed?
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TAKE TEN:
EMOTION + ACTION = STORY
Keep asking these questions and see how much story you can invent in your ten minutes.
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going to figure out what that person is like before he hits page one, what his flaws are, how
those flaws can launch a story, and how his
personal rules might pay off in interesting
plotting and scenes.
So, lets start with your main character
that guy who did that thing. If that guy is at
all interesting, its because he is human, fallible ... flawed. Oh, your character doesnt
have a flaw? Well, mess him up. Get his hands
dirty. Perfect characters are boring. Flawed
characters are like us, and thats what viewers
respond to.
Flaws dont have to be fatal they can
simply be human. Anger, arrogance and
selfishness are flaws that often start a character off on an intriguing rocky road. But sweetness, humbleness and charity carried out to
the extreme can also be flaws.
What would Its A Wonderful Life be like if
the MC wasnt restless? What would the movie
Erin Brockovich have been like if the MC
wasnt demanding? What kind of a journey
would Sophies Choice have taken if the MC
wasnt in denial? What would Sideways have
been like if the MC wasnt a drinker?
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Character-driven Structure
How did you structure your entire script by answering a few questions about your characters flaw? Well...
Questions 1- 3
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Now were in Act 3. So, how will your character ever get out of this situation? Well, your
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character always had a distinguishing characteristic: his flaw. Perhaps that could actually
be of use and translate into a skill. Selfish =
survivor. Loose cannon = risk taker. Obsessive
= knowledgeable. The goal in a movie is not to
abandon what makes your MC interesting, but
to use those traits to help. Looking for a key
to character development? There it is.
Question 8
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from his point of view and youve got an instant hit. Shrek follows the Ogres point of
view in a princess story; Monsters, Inc. looks
at the story of the monsters who scare
children.
Pixar, in particular, has a great way of
building entire worlds from even the most
seemingly minor characters point of view. It
thinks: What if the toys in childrens rooms
came alive? (Toy Story) What if insects had
a society of their own where humans and birds
were obstacles? (A Bugs Life)
Turning a story around from a secondary
characters point of view makes for great
grown-up films as well. My Best Friends Wedding is told from the point of view of a bridesmaid. The Queen looks at the story of Princess
Dianas death from the point of view of her
mother-in-law. The Departed is so rich because it focuses equally on the lives of two
men on opposite sides of an undercover mob
sting.
By discovering the movies of your supporting and opposing characters, youll discover their character arcs and find new depth in
your screenplay. You may even find a better
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screenplay idea. Youre still in the brainstorming stage, so its worth taking ten minutes to
try it.
TAKE TEN:
YOUR SECONDARY CHARACTERS LOGLINE
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DISCOVER COMPLICATION
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Many writers do know what the big discovery will be for their character, they just dont
know how to get there. Often, the answer can
be found in the small, clever details what I
call the trigger moments that lead to the
big revelation.
In Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory,
the entire story is turned around by one honest moment in which Charlie returns the topsecret new candy hes been asked to steal. His
act of honesty triggers the third-act reward.
In Casino Royale, James Bond is asked
about funds he was supposed to transfer, triggering his realization that the love of his life
has betrayed him.
In Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,
main character Joel Barish is given the cassette tape that talks about his former girlfriend, triggering him to reclaim his memories.
In Primal Fear, a supposedly innocent defendant casually reveals he knows something
he shouldnt, causing his lawyer to realize hes
been played. Again, one small moment, in this
case a slip of the tongue, triggers an a-ha!
moment which leads to the answer.
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. Start with the final reveal: What does the character discover that
is most painful, shocking, surprising, or delightful?
. Where did that person discover it?
. What physical clue led her to that place?
. What was said that triggered the character to search for that clue?
. What event occurred that caused that character to speak the line?
. What problem occurred that created that event?
. How did the main characters own actions create that problem?
. What goal did the main character have that caused her to behave
badly enough to create this problem?
. What circumstances in the main characters world inspired that
goal?
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10 Minutes:
ACT 1
10 Minutes:
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ACT 2A
10 Minutes:
ACT 2B
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10 Minutes:
ACT 3
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Find a CHARACTER-DRIVEN
through the characters FLAW.
STRUCTURE
Discover the
COMPLICATION.
second
act
by
creating
CHAPTER 2
The Structure
Structure is simply the organization of story
beats. Thats it. The placement of an event
and the amount of time it takes up on screen
determines the structure of a story. Where it
all gets kind of crazy is when writers, teachers
and other industry folk try to determine exactly what events have to be included and
where.
Books have been written about it. Theory
has been developed about it. Debate has gone
into it. And writers either feel that they have
to follow every single rule they read or that
they should abandon structure altogether and
commit themselves to artistic aimlessness.
Like many other people who write books
about screenwriting, Ive provided some guidance about what tends to take place in critically and commercially successful movies
and will continue to do so throughout this
book. Our character-driven structure, for example, suggests a pattern that flawed characters fall into when theyre pushed out of their
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comfort zone. Later, Ill point out more patterns that take characters from the lows to the
highs as they move through a story.
But this is only a guide; a reminder that a
story changes as characters make new
choices. You dont have to create story in exactly the way its laid out here. Instead, once
youve determined the beginning, middle and
end of your story, feel free to play.
To get started, and to keep your story as
clear as possible, Im going to take you
through the steps of creating a linear structure
for your script.
Yes, I said linear. Stay with me, structure
rebel! I promise that, after youve gotten a
sense of your linear structure, you can then
change that structure and tell your story any
way that you want. As long as your writing is
clear, you can jump back and forth in time.
You can tell your story from several points of
view. You can tell your story backward. But,
none of thats going to make any sense unless
you first come up with a simple beginning,
middle, and end.
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To review:
Big picture piles of story are ACTS.
Divide them up to get SEQUENCES.
Divide them up even further to see the individual
SCENES.
END OF LECTURE
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1:
2A:
2B:
3:
pages
pages
pages
pages
1-25
25-50
50-75
75-100
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1:
2:
3:
4:
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12-15
12-15
pages
pages
pages
pages
Half-hour, multi-camera TV shows conventionally have two or three acts, but commercial breaks still create four segments. Think
about eight single-spaced pages per segment
if its single-camera (The Office, Entourage) or
10 double-spaced pages per segment if its
multi-camera (The Big Bang Theory, Two and
a Half Men).
Act
Act
Act
Act
1A:
1B:
2A:
2B:
8-10
8-10
8-10
8-10
pages
pages
pages
pages
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1
2A
2B
3
Kansas Restlessness
Oz Problems
Wizard Challenges
Witch Showdown
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1
2A
2B
3
Oz Problems
Wizard Challenges
Witch Showdown
Kansas Restlessness
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1
2A
2B
3
Wizard Challenges
Witch Showdown
Dorothy Discovers Wizard Is a Fraud
Dorothy Takes Over
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TAKE TEN:
FIND YOUR FOUR-PART ACT STRUCTURE
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TAKE TEN:
ADD A REVEAL
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the reveal of that section of the movie. If you dont have one,
make one up!
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Act Titles:
TAKE TEN:
ADD EVENT
Expand your segments by building on the segment titles to include the key event or events
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CHAPTER 3
The Outline
If youre still feeling like you dont have all of
the pieces together, dont worry. This section,
Outlining, will help you discover more activity and possibilities.
An outline helps you to brainstorm more
story ideas, forces you to make clever scene
choices, and most importantly keeps you
on track as you write your screenplay pages.
The challenge lies in making sure that the outline doesnt take up more pages or writing
hours than the actual screenplay.
Ask any writer about the outlining process
and youll see the headache written all over
her face. Perhaps this is because she thinks an
outline isnt complete unless its twenty-five
pages long and contains every scene moment.
But that doesnt leave much room for change
once the writing begins. And so much is discovered during that process!
For that reason and because outlining can
be a pain in the butt were going to do it the
easy way.
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END OF LECTURE
Heres an example of the first act of The
Wizard of Oz written in two sequences and described as Goal, Activity, Complication.
Act 1 of The Wizard of Oz:
SEQUENCE 1
GOAL:
GOAL:
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ACTIVITY:
10 Minutes:
Act 1 Tips: I know you feel theres a lot to set up in Act 1. But
leave the smaller character moments for later. For now, focus on
the big picture and keep driving your main character forward.
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Hit Sequence 2 hard since its your act break and will include the
event thats going to spin you into an adventure in Act 2.
10 Minutes:
Act 2A Tips: Often this first part of the second act is a training
period for the main character as he is thrown into a new situation
or world. Your supporting characters can help.
In Sequence 4, youve hit your midpoint. This is an opportunity
to heighten your second act and keep it from flat-lining. Make
this a big, story-twisting complication something that helps
the audience reinvest in the movie. Your antagonist plays a role!
10 Minutes:
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10 Minutes:
Act 3 Tips: A screenplay feels complete when the main character
uses the lessons and skills he has learned along the way to accomplish his goals. Pay off those minor characters, pull from
second-act information, turn a first-act flaw into a skill, and solve
the problem!
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TEN-MINUTE LECTURE:
STORY DEVELOPMENT IN EIGHT BEATS
Though each beat tells its own story, it is always connected to
the next one in order to reveal the big picture. Each beat tends
to trigger the next. And, by doing so, the story is pushed forward. Heres a common pattern:
1. CHARACTER FLAW triggers CONFLICT
2. CONFLICT triggers PROBLEM
3. PROBLEM triggers STRATEGY
4. STRATEGY triggers EMOTIONAL EVENT
5. EMOTIONAL EVENT triggers MAJOR ACTION
6. MAJOR ACTION triggers MISSTEP
7. MISSTEP triggers BATTLE
8. BATTLE triggers FINAL CHALLENGE
An example from The Wizard of Oz might look like this:
1. CHARACTER FLAW triggers CONFLICT
Dorothys rebelliousness against Miss Gulch triggers Miss
Gulch to take Toto.
2. CONFLICT triggers PROBLEM
The theft of Toto triggers Dorothy to run away, get caught in a
tornado, and end up hurled into Oz.
3. PROBLEM triggers STRATEGY
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END OF LECTURE
TAKE TEN:
BEAT-SHEET STORY DEVELOPMENT REWRITE
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and a sense of movement from one beat to the other. So try it out.
Define the story development in your beat sheet by looking at
how one event triggers another. If youre not seeing a flow
from one to the other, correct it by adjusting a goal, activity, or
complication.
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TAKE TEN:
BEAT-SHEET SUPPORTING CHARACTER/ANTAGONIST
REWRITE
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GOAL:
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Adding Scenes
Weve taken the beat sheet through so many
revisions that its almost a complete outline on
its own. But to make sure weve got a map
that will be easy to follow and turn into pages,
were going to add even more to it ... your
scenes.
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Scene invention is the fun part of the scriptplanning stage. This is where you get to see
the script and make up dramatic, funny ways
for the characters to bring your beats to life.
TAKE-TEN LECTURE:
THE DEFINITION OF A SCENE
All those little scraps of activities and character moments that
are in your head? The ones we separated into big-picture piles
of acts and then subdivided into sequences? Those scraps are
your scenes.
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When creating your scene list, take ten minutes to work on each
beat. Build from your beat sheet, putting synopsized scenes under
the goal, activity and complication of your sequences. Your outline will eventually look something like this:
SEQUENCE 1
Goal: Dorothy wants to get away.
Activity: Dorothy runs away from home.
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ACT 1
SEQUENCE 1
10 Minutes:
SEQUENCE 2 SCENE TIPS: You can stop setting up flaw in
Sequence 2 and instead switch focus to the activity that gets your
character into trouble. Show the scene where something happens
that triggers a complication. Does someone challenge the MC?
Does the MC go where he shouldnt or do something questionable? And when that complication does occur, whether its a terrible slip of the tongue or a giant disaster, make sure that its
there, on the page. By the end of the sequence, create a scene that
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suggests a way out; a new goal for the MC to pursue and even a
strategy toward doing this.
ACT 1
SEQUENCE 2
10 Minutes:
SEQUENCE 3 SCENE TIPS: Consider a scene that reflects the
characters new goal by showing him developing a plan and attempting to execute it. Does he educate himself by learning about
a new environment? Does he train in some way, gather a team,
investigate, track? Whats the scene where his plan works ... or
doesnt work?
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suggested at this point to make the audience worry or wonder about what will happen next.
ACT 2A
SEQUENCE 3
10 Minutes:
SEQUENCE 4 SCENE TIPS: Your MC may be so invested in his
current situation that he forgot what his original story goals were.
No worries. Let him fall under someones spell, get too involved
with a plan or discover clues that reveal an even bigger problem
ahead. By the end of this sequence, the complication may be
the fact that your MC simply cant turn back. Hes invested in his
story ... and so are we.
ACT 2A
SEQUENCE 4
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10 Minutes:
SEQUENCE 5 SCENE TIPS: No more setup needed! Youve
picked out all of your Lego pieces. Now, play! Let your MC apply one of his newfound skills to a scene. Let him take a risk.
Lets see a fight or chase that weve never seen before. Horror
movie? Give us a fright! Romance? Kiss the girl! The supporting
characters own story may be deepening. Whats going on behind
the scenes with her that only we see? And dont forget those intense scenes of trouble. The antagonist may be moving closer,
fighting harder, or creating a trap for our MC.
ACT 2B
SEQUENCE 5
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10 Minutes:
SEQUENCE 6 SCENE TIPS: This can be a very emotional sequence as the ride we were on in Sequence 5 threatens to break
down or collide. The more risks our MC takes, the closer he gets
to slipping up. Create scenes for the character in which his flaw
returns or he shows personal doubt. The lower the moment, the
more victorious well feel when the MC wins in the end.
ACT 2B
SEQUENCE 6
10 Minutes:
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10 Minutes:
SEQUENCE 8 SCENE TIPS: The final showdown takes place in
this sequence, so consider paying off your minor characters and
bringing them in to help with the battle. Create a scene where a
learned skill or piece of knowledge (something gained on the
movies journey) pays off to help physically or emotionally conquer the antagonist. And remember that the MCs original flaw
can be reworked as a skill to help at this point, too. A final scene
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to show how the events have affected our MC and others will
help create closure for your movie. Or, tag the sequence with
an additional small scene that makes us wonder about the future.
Sequel, anyone?
ACT 3
SEQUENCE 8
Scene Brainstorming
You may take a look at your outline and feel
that its missing something. You feel theres
more to the story, but dont exactly know
what. To add to your scene list, try out one or
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Another dullard.
But, complicate it at every turn by throwing
an obstacle in her way, and youll have a
movie. Add a genre obstacle, and youll have a
big movie!
Heres the womans morning using external
obstacles:
1. Get ready
a. Obstacle: Apartment floods, shorting out
alarm clock, soaking clothes, and drenching
hair.
b. Thriller Genre Obstacle: Theres a dead
body in her closet.
2. Ride subway
a. Obstacle: Theres a power outage and the
subway breaks down.
b. Horror Genre Obstacle: The passengers on
the subway turn into vampires.
3. Enter building
a. Obstacle: New security clearance needed;
they dont believe shes who she says she
is.
b. Action Genre Obstacle: Everyone in the
buildings been taken hostage, and its up to
her a mountain climber in her off-hours
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Event Payoff
A character may do something in the early
part of a movie that reveals character or adds
life to the act. But when that small event pays
off in an unexpected way later, its even more
rewarding.
In Act 2A of One Flew Over The Cuckoos
Nest, main character Randle McMurphy urges
his fellow inmates to use a heavy water fountain to bust a window and escape. The inmates are reluctant to try, including a supporting character, Chief Bromden, who stands
silently by.
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1. List the events big and small set up in Act 1 and Act 2A.
2. Match the list with payoffs in Act 2B and Act 3.
Event payoff in One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest could look
something like this:
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Line Payoff
Do you feel lucky?
You complete me.
Were on a mission from God.
We remember certain lines in movies, not
only because they have music to them, but
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CHAPTER 4
The Characters
Congratulations! Expanding your beat sheet
into a scene list has created an outline a
screenplay blueprint from which you can begin
writing.
Before you start writing in screenplay
format, however, take some time to focus on
character. Doing so will help you to find even
more scenes and to channel your characters
as you write so that you know what theyll do
or say in every scene.
In this chapter, youll learn who your characters are and find clever ways to showcase
their personalities. Doing so will help fend off
the dreaded producers note: Your characters
need more development!
Character Biography
Writers are often urged to come up with a
character biography before they begin writing
a diary of sorts going into a characters
childhood, family, personal issues, etc. My
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Character Rules
You might know what your characters want
from your script and have some idea of their
point of view. But how do you know what to
do with them scene-by-scene?
To get to know your characters and to find
interesting things for them to do, you need to
figure out their rules the things they tend to
always do or in some cases, never do. Iron
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Write down one rule for every character you know in your
screenplay.
Three-dimensional Characters
Of course, we want our characters to be fully
realized and dimensional. But how do we show
all sides of them without going into long
monologues about what they feel or think
about everything?
Well, if you think about the kinds of scenes
we see on-screen, theyre usually public
scenes out in the world or workplace, personal
scenes that focus on one-on-one relationships,
or private scenes that take place when a character doesnt think anyone else is looking.
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TAKE TEN:
CHARACTER RULES CREATE COMPLICATIONS
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Find one rule to break for each character something that will
show theyve changed or been affected by their journey.
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Relationship Rules
Just as characters follow their own personal
rules, they tend to also work with rules when
it comes to the relationships in their lives.
Think about it: Your best friend may act differently when shes with you, versus when shes
with her husband. And her relationship rule
may change again when shes with her kids,
again with the neighbors, again with her boss,
and so on.
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The movie Away From Her opens on an elderly husband and wife whove clearly been
with each other for years. They ski silently together. They watch the sunset. They share a
laugh over dinner. Then, while putting the
dishes away, the wife puts the frying pan in
the freezer. She looks confused for one moment, then leaves. The husband looks sad
but he doesnt point out her mistake. Instead,
he calmly opens up the freezer and puts the
pan in a cupboard.
Her character rule is that she forgets. (Well
soon discover that she has Alzheimers.) His
rule is that he remembers for her. Their relationship rule is that this problem is not to be
discussed or dealt with. And, when she
chooses to break that rule and talk about it at
the end of act one, the movie story begins.
The great lovers and buddies of American
cinema have all had well-defined relationship
rules. In Adams Rib, the two attorneys, Adam
and Amanda Bonner, are vicious in the
courtroom, but have a weak spot for each other in private.
In Sex and the City, Carrie, Samantha,
Charlotte and Miranda have different rules of
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Ask the following questions of your antagonist and find the person underneath.
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in
PUBLIC,
CHAPTER 5
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Scene Intention
By scene intention, I mean what has to happen on a physical, verbal, emotional and story
level to make the scene work. Writing solely
around these intentions will help you get to
the heart of your scenes and keep you from
meandering or overwriting.
TEN-MINUTE LECTURE:
SCENE INTENTION
Your PHYSICAL INTENTION focuses on activity. What has to
happen in the scene? What do we have to see someone do?
Your VERBAL INTENTION focuses on dialogue. What has to
be communicated with words? Since youll hone the scene in
the rewrite, give yourself permission to write on the nose
dialogue if you need to at this point.
Your EMOTIONAL INTENTION focuses on how a character
within the scene is affected. Or, how the audience should be
emotionally affected.
Your STORY INTENTION is possibly the most important element on this list. How does this scene move the story forward?
If it doesnt, delete it from your scene list.
END OF LECTURE
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look
of
Give
me
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JEFF
Your dad.
that
brings
closure
and
pushes
the
story
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Quicky Format
Still intimidated by the form? You only need to
know a couple of terms. Honest. Well talk
about formatting tricks and trends as you expand and rewrite, but for now, just concentrate on the essentials:
TEN-MINUTE LECTURE:
FORMAT BASICS
A SCENE HEADING, also referred to as a SLUGLINE, tells
you whether or not youre inside or outside, what place youre
in, and what time of day it is. It should be capitalized, with interior or exterior referred to as INT. or EXT. and have a dash
between the place and time of day. It looks like this:
INT. OFFICE DAY
DIALOGUE is what we call the words spoken aloud by characters. Before a line of dialogue, the name of a character
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Put together, scene heading, action lines and dialogue look like
this:
INT. OFFICE DAY
Mary writes.
MARY
Only one hundred pages to go.
END OF LECTURE
How Screenwriting Software Can Help You
Want to spend your ten minutes indenting,
capitalizing, and generally putting your head
through a wall? Then dont get screenwriting
software. If you want to press a key and have
it done for you, do get screenwriting software.
I like Final Draft, but they all work.
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DAY ONE
10 minutes: Set the alarm clock ten minutes early write a
scene
10 minutes: Office coffee break write a scene
10 minutes: Back early from lunch write a scene
DAY TWO
10 minutes: Drinking morning coffee write a scene
10 minutes: Baby napping in chair write a scene
10 minutes: Older kid doing homework write a scene
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DAY THREE
10 minutes: Arrived at class early write a scene
10 minutes: Riding the train write a scene
10 minutes: Waiting for bath to run write a scene
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You wrote to the end! And you did it by working around the
main intentions of the scene. You didnt stop to nitpick because
you just didnt have the time. And your time limitations have actually forced you to write more efficiently and from the gut.
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A threat.
An argument.
TAKE TEN:
EMOTIONAL CONNECTION WITH SUPPORTING
CHARACTER
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The Teaser
If youre a fan of one-hour crime shows,
youre familiar with the teaser. Its an opening
scene that focuses on a startling event: A
threat! An abduction! A murder! And a good
teaser is there for more than shock value
alone. Often, the subject of the teaser turns
out to be the murder were investigating that
week or the key puzzle piece in a mystery.
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relatively
fresh,
Though the boy himself will never figure into this scene again, his adventure sets the
tone for the rest of the story and also establishes the murder evidence that well be following throughout the movie. When I first
read this scene, I was caught up by the journey of the small boy: that carefree moment,
the search for the kite, the gruesome discovery. By the end of the page, I was sold. A
severed hand on page one? What would happen next? Thats how a good teaser grabs the
reader (and the audience).
Great teaser scenes dont always have to be
scary at least not in the conventional sense
of the word. In The Hangover, the first scene
slams us into the heart of the problem. A best
man calls a worried bride from the middle of
the desert. His car is a wreck. So is his face.
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Set Pieces
Set piece is one of those weird industry
terms like best boy and key grip that
doesnt always mean what it says. Some
writers hear the term set piece and think setting. So, when asked to come up with more
set pieces, they throw in a library, a beach, or
a skyscraper. Actually, the term means
something completely different.
TEN-MINUTE LECTURE:
SET PIECE
A set piece, as it applies to a script, is an active, visual, trailerworthy scene that uses a setting or world in an original way.
Lets take our library, beach, and skyscraper. In our library,
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books suddenly fly off shelves and knock out a bad guy. A placid beach day turns into a nightmare when a tidal wave hits.
Lovers have a picnic on the ledge of the skyscraper.
In Close Encounters of the Third Kind, an obsessed father builds a mountain, first out of the mashed potatoes on
his dinner table, then out of the mud and bushes in his
backyard. The mountain, the mission, and the emotion as
his family looks on in horror are all shown to us in those
active moments.
A great set piece multitasks. Not only does it do
something new and visual by taking advantage of the
scripts world, it also uses that world to ...
SERVE THE GENRE: Such as the fight scene through
the treetops in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.
BUILD CHARACTER: Check out the upside-down kiss
in Spider-Man.
CREATE A PROBLEM: As in the stuck zipper scene in
Theres Something About Mary.
Or it can do all of the above: The FAO Schwartz Chopsticks scene in Big is a terrific example. In it, Josh, a
twelve-year-old trapped in the body of a grown man,
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END OF LECTURE
TAKE TEN:
WRITE A SET PIECE
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Scene Expansion
The following is a scene written around its
most basic intentions by writer Suzanne Keilly.
Follow her choices as she starts small and
builds out:
INT. BOBBIE AND MINAS TRAILER
Mina tosses her knapsack on the floor and plops into a chair
at the table. Bobbie puts a cereal bowl in front of her.
MINA
I wanted eggs.
BOBBIE
We ran out.
MINA
Whatever. Ill just get something unhealthy. They
sell donuts at school.
Bobbie reaches into her purse.
BOBBIE
Ill give you some money.
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Bobbie stands in the kitchenette part of their trailer pouring Frosted Flakes into a bowl. A lit cigarette sits in an
ashtray on the counter.
Ill
just
MINA
get something
unhealthy
at
She also wanted to establish Bobbies lifestyle contradictions. By doing this, she created
a new beat in the scene:
Bobbie takes a drag on her cigarette.
BOBBIE
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healthy
from
now
on.
We
MINA
With what? You throw everything edible at dad.
BOBBIE
Im sorry. I am. Things will be better soon.
MINA
When?
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Ill
just
MINA
get something
unhealthy
at
from
now
on.
We
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BOBBIE
Im sorry. I am. Things will be better soon.
MINA
When?
Mina sulks and grabs her backpack.
MINA
They sell donuts at school.
Bobbie reaches into her purse.
BOBBIE
(sighing)
Ill give you some money.
From Three Days, Three-Thousand Miles, Written by Suzanne Keilly, 2009.
TAKE TEN:
DEVELOP YOUR SCENES
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Youve fleshed-out your scenes and met your emotional and dramatic intentions.
Scene Division
Rather than expand every scene, sometimes
whats actually needed is to chop them up. A
long conversation or action scene may be necessary for your script, but its going to look
like a bunch of talking heads if you keep your
characters in one place for a long time.
A flirtatious scene between a man and woman may be charming, but if its five pages in
one place, its going to grow old quickly. We
can chop it up, though, so that it starts at a
pool table, moves to the bar, then ends in the
parking lot. In this way, we keep the characters on their feet and hold the attention of the
audience.
So, look to your scene list and then to your
scenes themselves. Did you write only one
long, meandering scene, when it could have
easily been two or three shorter ones?
TAKE TEN:
DIVIDE YOUR SCENES
Starting from the scene list, look at your scenes and see where
you can split locations to create additional scenes.
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TAKE TEN:
SHOW IT
Take your speed draft to the next level by replacing talky scenes
with active moments.
STEP 1: Look at your scene list and note where youve described a scene with words like convinces, talks to, and
asks about. Replace with verbs that force your character
into an action not a conversation.
STEP 2: Focusing on your new activity, rewrite the scene.
If a character overheard the truth before, for example, in
your developed scene she may discover it.
WHAT YOUVE ACCOMPLISHED
Youve made your script more interesting and active. Well now
feel that were experiencing events, rather than just hearing
about them.
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Note that Bilbo doesnt just appear, he materializes. Gandolph doesnt stand, he
looms.
Or, you may have the kind of scene direction thats as straightforward as its characters.
At a key emotional point in Little Miss Sunshine, the action line simply reads:
Silence. Everyone avoids everyone elses eyes.
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ACTION-ADVENTURE:
EXT. L.A. SKYLINE - SUNSET
A Maserati RACES along Mulholland Drive. High above the glittering city lights of Los Angeles.
The cars speed arches the silhouetted palm trees as it whips
by. A BOB SEGER SONG blasts from within.
Klieg lights sweep back and forth. The Maserati SWERVES just
in time to miss SLAMMING into an oncoming pickup truck.
ANIMATION/CHILDREN:
EXT. L.A. SKYLINE SUNSET
Palm trees sway under a red and pink sky. The city lights
twinkle far, far below as the GOOD PEOPLE bustle with activity. In and out of toy stores. And arcades. And costume
shops.
This is LITTLE ANGELES, the magical city where only kids are
allowed. A place where dreams come true.
Just as the dark night comes aknockin, thousands and thousands and thousands of Klieg lights begin to sweep back and
forth, keeping daytime and playtime alive.
DRAMA:
EXT. L.A. SKYLINE - SUNSET
Palm trees stand proud in silhouette against a cherry sky.
Lights glimmer in the sweeping city of Los Angeles. A place
where anything is possible. A place where dreams come true.
But as the sky darkens, Klieg lights begin to sweep back and
forth. Night in the city is a different matter altogether.
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SUPERHERO:
EXT. L.A. SKYLINE SUNSET
Palm trees sag in silhouette against a cherry sky. A few city
lights blink peaceably until ...
CRACK. SMASH. SPLAT!
SOMEONE an evil someone HURLS rocks at the street lights,
sending glass shattering to the cement.
This is Los Angeles. A place where nothing good happens anymore. A place where dreams become nightmares.
BUT WAIT. As the sky darkens, TRIPLE KLIEG LIGHTS begin to
sweep back and forth. What could it be? Who could it be? Is
it? Yes, it is! Its STARLET GIRL!
COMEDY:
EXT. L.A. SKYLINE SUNSET
Palm trees. Sparkling lights. This is L.A. A good place. A
place where dreams come true. Unless, that is, youre ...
NORBERT SCOWLER, the unluckiest scumbag to ever walk the
earth. Just as Norbert galumphs by, a KLIEG LIGHT falls off a
roof and knocks him out cold.
The end to just another run-of-the-mill day.
ROMANCE:
EXT. L.A. SKYLINE SUNSET
Palm trees stand majestic in silhouette against a sumptuous
cherry red sky. The city lights below quiver and announce a
place where anything is possible. A place where dreams come
true. Where love reigns supreme.
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SCI-FI/FANTASY:
EXT. L.A. SKYLINE SUNSET
TITLE: SOMETIME IN THE 22ND CENTURY
Chrome palm trees stand out against a black cherry sky. City
lights blind.
Welcome to Los Angeles. A place where still anything is possible. A place where dreams come true.
The only catch. None of it is real.
As the sky darkens, triple-Klieg lights begin to sweep back
and forth. Looking for no one. Illuminating nothing.
HORROR:
EXT. L.A. SKYLINE - SUNSET
Palm trees in silhouette against a blood cherry sky. City
lights quiver frantically.
Los Angeles. A place where anything is possible. A place
where dreams come true.
But not tonight.
As the sky darkens, triple-Klieg lights begin to sweep back
and forth.
The MADMAN is on the run.
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Working ten minutes at a time, use word choice to adjust the tone
of your scenes and create the right mood.
1. COMEDY Keep your descriptions straightforward, almost
dry. Let the humor add the color.
2. THRILLER Work down the page, building suspense moment by moment.
3. HORROR Try out some poetry in your most horrific moments. Itll make your scenes even creepier.
4. SCI-FI Work in descriptions of futuristic devices and new
rules as they actually impact the story.
5. PERIOD PIECE Point us to the emotional undercurrent in
your scenes with loaded looks and whispered moments.
6. SUPERHERO Give your scenes comic-book color by
punctuating sounds and action moments.
7. ROMANCE Work emotion into action. But dont feel you
have to get too flowery. (They may stare a moment too long,
but that stare doesnt have to smolder.)
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CHAPTER 6
The Dialogue
You were probably wondering when Id get to
this. Well, I purposely saved dialogue for this
late in the book because I didnt want you
worrying about every little line when youre
simply trying to get your script finished.
Plus, so many new writers hang their script
on their dialogue instead of allowing good lines
to come naturally out of the action. Good thing
you made choices about story and character
first. Now that youve met those intentions,
you can finally indulge in talk, allowing your
characters to connect with a great monologue,
a killer line, or one perfectly chosen word.
Verbal Agenda
When people converse on-screen or off
they rarely just talk for talkings sake. Instead,
they use dialogue to help them meet a goal or
serve a particular agenda. Approaching dialogue with character agenda in mind can make
your scenes more interesting right off the bat.
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And so on.
TAKE TEN:
CHARACTER AGENDA IN DIALOGUE-DRIVEN SCENES
Verbal Strategy
So, now that we know what a character wants
from a dialogue-driven scene, how do they
achieve that goal without just asking for it? It
would be on the nose and, frankly, pretty
tacky for our guy to ask, May I have your diamond, please? And her reply to be, After I
sleep with the waiter.
So, instead of asking outright, characters
use verbal strategies to help them meet their
goal. And we do this in real life, too. Whether
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GWENOVIER
Its all important -FRANK
Not really.
From Magnolia, written by Paul Thomas Anderson, 1998.
TAKE TEN:
VERBAL STRATEGY
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ARGUING
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LYING
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Dialogue As A Game
A movie scene is often a power game. And,
when characters talk to each other, theyre often using dialogue as a way to win. Even getting the last word implies a winner.
Often, great movie dialogue is literally written as a game. And that game makes the
scene.
Through game-playing, a proposal becomes
a tongue twister:
MOZART
Iram em! Iram em!
CONSTANZE
No, Im not playing this game.
MOZART
No, this is serious. Say it backward.
CONSTANZE
No!
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MOZART
Just say it youll see. Its very serious. Iram
em! Iram em!
CONSTANZE
Iram marry. Em marry me!
From Amadeus, written by Peter Schaffer, from his play, 1984.
won the
quit my
lots of
fountain
COLE
I was picked first for kickball teams at recess. I
hit a grand slam to win the game and everyone lifted me up on their shoulders and carried me around
cheering.
From The Sixth Sense, written by M. Night Shyamalan, 1999.
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From Die Hard, written by Jeb Stuart with revisions by Steven E. de Souza, 1987,
based on the novel Nothing Lasts Forever by Roderick Thorp.
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TED
The mob.
GARREN
Theory #2: The mob killed her for revenge against
the Kennedys for their tough crackdown on organized crime. Next?
TED
What about like a jealous actress friend-- chicks
are total piranhas.
GARREN
Think male. Think secret keeper.
TED
Her tax attorney?
GARREN
Close. Theory #3: Her shrink.
TED
A screwed up shrink.
GARREN
Screwed up and in love with her.
Ted punches the air harder...
TED
This-- whole thing-- is whats screwed up-GARREN
Were still missing the last theory...
4.
TED
(sarcastic)
Oh my god, I just found my list of stuff I dont
give a crap about-- and its so weird but thats
#1.
Ted chucks the controller into the wall... Collapses onto the
floor...
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TED (CONTD)
Theory #4: She killed herself. Suicide.
Garren nods, impressed.
TED (CONTD)
Why do you even care?!
GARREN
What if Krista Boswell relates to Marilyn in one of
those four ways?
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Verbal Rules
In Juno, the main character had a tendency to
joke and elaborate in fairly graphic terms. Yet
her boyfriend, Bleeker, was a one-sentence
answerer. Vanessa, the woman she planned to
give her baby to, was a bit of a teacher and
explainer, while Vanessas husband, Mark,
shared Junos language of music. Each of them
had verbal rules for how they talked and what
they referenced. Finding your characters own
verbal rules will instantly help your script.
Does your main character always joke
around? Does his friend always swear? Does
his love interest constantly reference movies
or music? Does his boss quote statistics? A
strong verbal rule can be the thing that makes
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CHAPTER 7
The Rewrite
Youve heard it from others, and youre going
to hear it from me too: The secret to writing is
rewriting. And just the idea of it gives most
people a massive headache.
Im with you. I wrote the first draft of this
book years ago, made excuses forever, then
finally found the one pass I needed to finish
the darn thing. With two children, a consulting
business, and teaching commitments, I found
that those rewrite moments only happened in
stolen chunks of time. Yet, once I made a
choice about which rewrite pass I needed,
those chunks were sufficient for getting the
work done.
So here are a few tools and exercises to
help you face the rewrite. The goal here is to
find the one thing that will turn your script
around; the one rewrite pass that will make it
work. When you find it, spend as many tenminute chunks as needed rewriting your script
with that fix in mind. One hour six ten-
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CONCEPT TEST
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TAKE TEN:
RESTRUCTURE PART 1
Using your structure sheet as a guide, take ten minutes per scene
or sequence to make the story choices you need to create your
new structure.
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1. Go into your script and compress events by weeding out emotional or physical moments that repeat themselves.
2. Fill the story holes created by your new structure by adding
setup that may now be missing or consequences that may not
be there.
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your script, your sequences have changed radically, go back into the beat sheet to revise or
mark the beginning and end of the actual
beats in your current script.
TAKE TEN:
BEAT CHECK
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Work backward through each beat to test for cause and effect
storytelling, asking the following questions:
8. Whats the final emotional or physical challenge from an antagonistic force?
7. What victorious battle incited this final challenge?
6. What misstep occurred that created a need for that battle?
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6. What misstep occurred that created a need for that battle?
He lost the girl to the bad guys and hoped getting on the show would get her
attention.
5. What major action, taken by the main character, resulted in the misstep?
He joined with his brother, who was really involved with the bad guys and
wanted his girl.
4. What emotional event led the main character to take a major action?
The brothers bonded as they escaped slavers and poverty together.
3. What attempt at strategy triggered an emotional event for the main character?
They attempted to survive by running away, conning, stealing, lying.
2. What problem occurred that created the need for the strategy?
Orphaned and set loose in the world with nothing, he must join with his
brother.
1. What flaw-driven conflict created the problem?
He follows his brother, though the brother humiliates him in front of his pop
star idol.
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If your turning point hinges on a revelation, how does the character get there? Does she simply remember? If so, try to replace
that moment with activity; something happens that triggers the
memory. Is she told the information? If so, replace with discovery. Use clues, skills, etc.
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TAKE TEN:
SCENE STORY TEST
(a.k.a. Keep, Lose, or Spiff Up)
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inept suspect, runs a car dealership. The setting is different as the interrogation happens
in Jerrys office, and the dialogue gets our attention because of its hilarious politeness.
When Jerry gets flustered he says darn and
heck! When Marge chastises him, its to remind him that you have no call to get snippy
with me.
In the movie Brick, the dialogue is purposely written with a touch of crime-drama
clich, but the fresh take here is that our
hard-boiled interrogation takes place in a principals office:
PRINCIPAL: Youve helped this office out before.
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TAKE TEN:
FIND A FRESH TAKE
Rewrite a stock scene by finding a fresh take. Try one of the different approaches below.
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Character Focus
Maybe your MC is just fine, but shes getting
lost in her own movie. She doesnt have to be
overly pushy or grab attention to get noticed.
You simply have to point the camera at her by
putting her more in focus.
TAKE TEN:
PUT FOCUS ON YOUR MC
Find those scenes where your MC needs more attention and try
the following:
1. CHARACTER REACTS: Even if she isnt involved in the
central activity of the scene, show her reaction to it through
her facial expressions. The camera will always come back to
her that way.
2. CHARACTER ENDS SCENE: Button scenes with an MC
activity or emotion.
3. CHARACTER LEADS: In a movie where your MC is surrounded by an ensemble, rework scenes in the second half of
your movie so that she appears to take the lead. Let her make a
discovery, come up with a new idea, etc.
4. CHARACTER SOLVES PROBLEM: Your MC doesnt have
to save the day in every way at scripts end. Thats why shes
amassed a bunch of helpers and supporting characters. But do
give her at least one key move.
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Youve brought your MC to the front and center and, in the process, given her the boost she may have needed.
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Find those scenes where your MC needs to be more of an everyman and try one of the following suggestions:
1. Take away any lecturing or speechmaking on his part and replace with a wise comment.
2. Pump up the craziness around him, whether its an extreme
event or eccentric characters.
3. Focus on his clear, calm reaction to these moments. Is he
amused? Befuddled?
4. Ground your character by limiting his actions. Have him make
one strong choice in the scene rather than engage in small
pieces of business.
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And, while one doesnt want to overly emphasize every traditionally female trait, ignoring the fact that your lead is a woman is also
depriving your script of another layer. The Silence of the Lambs was a thriller first and foremost, but it also used the fact that it was
female-driven to create unique obstacles.
Clarice has to put up with a jail wardens advances before she can get to Hannibal Lecter.
Lecter tries to seduce her by guessing her perfume, and her boss purposely alienates her in
front of a group of men in order to get more
information out of a local sheriff.
Gender-specific rules also create a fresh
take on a fight scene in Kill Bill. Here The
Bride fights off one of her female former colleagues in a kitchen. Their tools: kitchen
knives and frying pans. When the fight
reaches the living room, its an all-out war until ... a school bus pulls up.
TAKE TEN:
APPLY ETHNICITY AND GENDER
Use your MCs experiences with being a person of color, an ethnic minority or a woman to bring something new to a scene.
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Pregnant teenager
Character:
Character:
Boyfriend
Character:
Parents
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TAKE TEN:
BEAT STEREOTYPE BY PLAYING AGAINST IT
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Fill in these blanks for every character in a scene (no matter how
minor):
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Annie: Oh, no
Bess: Not long, but sort of, like this: (sighs)
Annie: Sad, then.
Bess: No. I cant describe it. Maybe I said too much. It wasnt sad.
Annie: Like pain?
Bess: I dont think so.
Annie: But she was in pain.
Bess: Yes.
Annie: You see!
Bess: But it was more like ... the other part of pain.
Annie: What?
Bess: Like ... relief.
Another student, Chad Diez, wrote this:
SISTER
SISTER
SISTER
SISTER
1:
2:
1:
2:
TAKE TEN:
EDIT EXPOSITION
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I love the smell of Napalm in the morning.
Apocalypse Now
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TAKE TEN:
FIND THE PERFECT LINE #2
When youre stuck on the next line, overcome the block in two
steps:
1. Write the monologue your character might say if he were allowed to verbally rant in that moment. Feel free to be indulgent. Squeeze every thought and feeling out of your character.
2. Do not leave it that way! Instead, find one line within the
monologue and circle it.
Thats the perfect line.
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Theyre quick, easy, and they could be the difference between a producer putting your script
down at page ten or giving it the chance that
it deserves.
Paragraphs and White Space
You need more white space is a common
note from producers. Its also an extremely
strange thing to say. White space? Huh?
It actually means that you have big clumps
of scene direction that make your script look
too dense and make it no fun to read.
Think about what you do when you see big
paragraphs of instructions or even worse,
all that fine print on a contract. You skim,
right? And, inevitably, you miss something important. Thats why you missed a bolt on your
kids bike and why you didnt quite notice that
your office lease doesnt include air-conditioner repair.
Keep the reader of your script from doing
the same thing by breaking up big paragraphs
into smaller paragraphs that move the eye
down the page.
Imagine if this page of action had looked
like this:
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with
scream,
and
In the example above, a shootout has become poetry. White space allows for a breath
in the action. And, in a way, that white space
is actually a line itself.
A line of silence.
Cool, huh?
Try it.
TAKE TEN:
PARAGRAPH YOUR SCENE DIRECTION
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Work a page at a time to break your long scene direction passages into paragraphs.
1. Create a new paragraph when you feel that the shot is
changing.
2. Create a new paragraph when you feel that the point of view is
changing.
3. Allow for one-line paragraphs.
4. Create separate paragraphs for every new piece of choreography in a fight scene or chase scene.
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Try:
Closeup A candle flickers.
Try:
Wesee The knife glints.
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TAKE TEN:
REPLACE CAMERA DIRECTION
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And so on.
END OF LECTURE
Modern-day scripts use secondary scene
headings to great advantage. The joke of this
next scene would have been interrupted if the
writer had used only primary scene headings:
INT. BASEMENT HALLWAY DAY
Ben walks down the stairs, steering clear of the bathroom. He
opens the door to his
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WORKSHOP
He peeks in the small space and stares at the barren shelves
and pegboards. Its cleaned out.
A tear rolls down his cheek.
From Weekend Warrior, written by Bill Birch, 2007.
TAKE TEN:
CREATE SECONDARY SCENE HEADINGS
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Complication
Emotion
Entertainment
Game-playing
Goals
Payoff
Point of View
Power Play
Set Piece
Triggers
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Connection
Whether its witnessed in a heated moment
between characters or realized when fingerprints match a murder weapon, we seek out
connections in our movies. We match images
to images. We connect emotion to event. We
string locations and time together. Your job as
a writer is to guide those connections. So, in
your last pass at your script, try doing just
that.
TAKE TEN:
CONNECT THE DOTS
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discover them o in your script, youve created extra surprises and made the read more engaging.
Balance
When a script feels unbalanced, everything
suffers. If its too top-heavy with setup, we
feel let down at the end when everything suddenly rushes to its conclusion. If the midpoint
event suddenly tips the movie in a completely
new story direction, you lose the reader and
audience. If the last act of a romantic comedy
is suddenly weighted down by action and
chase sequences, the script is in danger of
falling right off the scale.
So take a moment to balance out the good
and the bad, the light and the dark, and see if
thats the pass that will work for your script.
TAKE TEN:
FIND BALANCE
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CHAPTER 8
The Craft
In this section, well fine-tune and polish your
script.
By tweaking lines, editing scenes, and
streamlining format, you will meet your own
page intentions and make the script that much
more entertaining and readable.
Further toying with format and word choice
also means more emphasis on mood and emotion. And the more compelling the read, the
more likely your script will be to move up
through the ranks of a production company or
studio.
Were going to cover as many of the smaller
artistic details of the page as possible. Notice
the emphasis on emotional writing. Yes, your
job is to tell us what we see, but its also to
guide us toward what those images actually
mean. Ive said it before, and Ill say it again:
Emotion + Action = Story.
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She stops.
Three minions stand there.
She taps at the window.
One of them looks up at her.
Three shots and they crumble.
From The Sleeper Agent, written by Ryan Boyd, 2009.
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Youve made your script skim-proof, and youve kept the reader
focused on each beat of activity, suspense, fear, or delight.
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Too much, right? First, weve probably increased the page count. Second, all of the
slickness is gone. Third, the reader is going to
be onto us and simply develop a new way to
skim.
Sometimes its synopsizing, rather than a
line edit, which is the correct fix for an overchoreographed scene.
Scene direction that reads ...
The phone rings. She reacts. Who could it be? She drops
whats shes doing. Stands up. Walks across the room. Reaches
for the phone. Hugs the receiver to her ear. Answers.
TAKE TEN:
EDITING OVER-CHOREOGRAPHED SCENE DIRECTION
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Youve significantly cleaned up the read, emphasizing those active moments that need extra attention and de-emphasizing those
moments that dont.
Fight Scenes
Over-choreography is a big issue when it
comes to fight scenes. The thing to remember
is that these kinds of scenes tell stories; the
story of characters confronting each other and
attempting to take power. The winner then
has the power going into the next scene.
In order to tell that story and still get a
sense of how the fight looks or feels, think
about building or editing your scene around
the following elements.
Emotion before fight.
Tone of the fight.
Method or weaponry.
Fight move #1.
Fight move #2.
Upper hand.
Winning moment.
Lets try it:
Emotion
fight.
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Tone
offight like gladiators in the ring,
the fight.
Method orfists and teeth bared.
weaponry.
Fight
A punch to the gut and Dave goes
move #1. down.
Fight
But he hurls himself forward and
move #2.
Upper
knocks Tom backward.
hand.
Winning Tom rises to his feet. A punch to the
moment. jaw
Emotion and Dave is knocked unconscious.
after
Tom grins and stares down the
fight.
crowd, daring anyone else to take
him on.
Or:
Emotion
fight.
Tone
offight like little girls,
the fight.
Method orkicking and slapping.
weaponry.
Fight
A poke in the eye, and Dave goes
move #1. down.
Fight
But he hurls himself forward and
move #2.
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Upper
hand.
Winning
moment.
Emotion
after
fight.
TAKE TEN:
WRITE A FIGHT SCENE
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shes inside of the movie, the more shell want to see it on the
screen.
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Lucy surveys the nearly totaled car and hands Mike her license and registration.
LUCY
My information.
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The Button
When does a script become a page turner?
When youve ended each scene in a way that
makes us want to know more. A simple and
effective way to bring emotion to your screenplay, and to keep us wanting more, is to button your scenes with a great line or piece of
action.
Scene buttons often leave us with a key
question or hint at problems or issues to
come. They are sometimes called the blow of
a scene, or the scene out.
Comedies end scenes on strong verbal or
physical
punchlines.
(Think
rim
shot.)
Character-driven dramas end scenes with a
spoken or silent question. Thrillers end scenes
with verbal or physical clues.
We could add more to our parking lot scene,
for example, by giving Mike a clever response
that buttons the scene:
EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY
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Drawing close to Mike, Lucy hands over her license and registration. Her fingertips graze his.
LUCY
My information.
Mike hands over his own information: license, registration,
and ... a family photo.
MIKE
My wife.
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This verbal button makes us realize that Lucy has more up her sleeve.
Add a physical button, and even more is added to the scene:
Notice that the different buttons create entirely different tones. The first button, with
Mike smiling weakly, would work for a romantic comedy. The second button indicates
possibilities for a thriller. And with that one facial tell Lucys face fills with anger we
wonder what Lucy might do next!
TAKE TEN:
CREATING SMART SCENE BUTTONS
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Scene Transitions
In a screenplay, each scene is informed and
affected by the scene that comes before it. For
that reason, an easy way to keep your story
moving is to begin a new scene by building off
of the button that preceded it.
Lets imagine that we just ended our Lucy/
Mike scene. Building off that last scene button,
we could pick up with a new scene that deals
with the recent information that Lucy might
be, well ... psycho:
INT. OFFICE DAY
Mikes coworker, RICHARD, can barely contain his smirk.
RICHARD
I told you she was nuts. But you just had to help
her out. Always the good guy.
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MIKE
I think she might do something to Tina.
RICHARD
Youre overreacting.
MIKE
And youre not helping.
Fed up, Mike starts to leave.
RICHARD
Here.
Richard retrieves a gun from the drawer and hands it to him.
RICHARD
Am I helping now?
Mike weighs the gun in his hand, deciding.
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In order to create better scene flow, try out one of the following scene transitions:
1. Mirror the last image.
2. Pick up from a last moment of dialogue.
3. Answer the question from the previous scene.
4. Twist the setup of the last scene with an unexpected revelation.
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Narrative Devices
Voice over, flashback, breaking the fourth wall
... these devices have been exploited so badly
that some writers now think that they should
never be used.
This is my feeling on this issue or any rule
of screenwriting: Never say never. Voice over
intrudes ... until it works. Flashbacks feel
corny ... until they dont. In other words, the
rules are there for a reason, but they were
also meant to be broken.
Still confused?
Here are a few guidelines.
Voice over
Voice over works when it says something that
cannot be conveyed in the action or dialogue.
The character of Red in The Shawshank Redemption voices feelings that the strong, silent
main characters cannot.
Voice over works when it benefits the tone
of the script. In The Lovely Bones, the story is
narrated by a dead girl named Susie. Every
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FLASHBACK:
Tells one story from several points of view.
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Flashes to shocking images, creating an evidence chain.
Shows separate sections of one event, eventually leading up to the big picture.
Shows a memory.
Reveals a truth when a character in the present is lying.
Takes place at key structural moments (the teaser, act break, ending, etc.).
Only shows up when MC is experiencing heightened emotion.
VOICE OVER:
Is delivered by an all-knowing narrator whom we never meet. Is delivered by a character in
the story.
Is delivered by several characters in the story, shifting point of view.
Is delivered to the audience.
Is delivered to another character in the story.
Is written in the past tense, as though events have passed.
Is written in the present tense, as events take place.
Speaks a characters thoughts out loud.
Delivers the punchline of scenes.
Glues years and events together.
Quotes from one source (a poem, the Bible, a rock song, a list of rules,
etc.).
Comes in at key structural moments (the teaser, act break, ending, etc.).
Only shows up when MC is experiencing heightened emotion.
Only bookends the script, speaking to us at the beginning and at the end.
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After introducing:
TRACY, small and mousy.
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by
necessity,
furiously
packs
the
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TAKE TEN:
ESSENCE + ACTION
Tonal Writing
Word choice is everything when it comes to
creating tone and mood on the page. Below,
youll find the opening passages of three different screenplays. Theyre all comedies, but
they all feel different. You get a sense of
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The writer starts off with an essence statement more charming than handsome
then adds a memorable first action: He
struts.
In addition, the reactions of minor characters suggest hes a ladies man. The writers
small aside to us, Yep, Joeys got a way with
the ladies, also establishes a wry, mischievous tone that carries through the screenplay.
Note: The industry is split as to whether or
not these kinds of asides help or hinder the
page. My personal feeling is that the occasional clever comment can work, provided it
doesnt suddenly jolt us out of the script. Personal asides to the reader like, Its a car
chase youve see one, youve seen em all
feel flippant and lazy.
Heres another comedy example:
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Whimsical
Dry
Silly
Sarcastic
Cutting-edge
Crass
Smart
DRAMA:
Suspenseful
Deep
Intense
Gritty
Sexy
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Mournful
Wistful
EDIT
scenes
CHOREOGRAPHY.
that
have
excessive
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CHAPTER 9
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Linwalk
with
Ber-
They step onto a small concrete porch and the taller of the
two reaches out and pushes the doorbell button on the
doorframe of a battered and barred door. The button, a cheap
RF transmitter that people buy when they cant afford an
electrician, pops off the doorjamb and hits the ground, popping into several pieces. The men look at each other again
and search for a safe place to knock on the door. One of them
reaches through the bars to try and knock on the screen,
which promptly rips. They look at each other again. The silence between them speaks volumes - the futility of the attempt but the need to continue on their quest. One of the men
bends down and picks up the pieces of the transmitter and
tries to figure out how to put it back together again. The
other snatches the pieces after half a minute and slaps them
together and presses the button.
A crashing noise from the side of the house draws the mens
attention and they run around the side of the house to see a
man in bright green shorts and a faded concert T-shirt that
has seen better days laying in the driveway nursing a swollen
and scraped knee. Next to him lies a window screen that has
fallen from the window he recently crawled out of. The two
men look at each other and stand over the man.
SUIT #1
Lance Cocksure?
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From Jukebox Zero, written by Keith Armonaitis and Lynne Christensen, 2009.
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when it scurries into a dark corner, we wonder if and when it will come back, and what it
might do next! Creepy.
TAKE TEN:
EDIT TO THE GENRE
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The sound system hums and TAYLOR BERGMAN (55, tall, craggily
handsome and white-tie suited) comes to stand at the microphone at the podium. Behind him a banner reads Celebrate
Live Coral in large letters, surrounded with oceanic motifs.
One after another, the guests stop their activities and focus
on Taylor.
TAYLOR
Hello again. I wanted to have the
chance to say good night to you,
after this splendid dinner and
uplifting speeches.
The crowd applauds. Some people start to stand up. Taylor
manages to look bashful, for a moment, and waves them to sit.
TAYLOR (CONTD)
Please, everyone, have a seat.
There is a rustle as people settle back to their seats.
TAYLOR (CONTD)
Thank you again for your kind messages.
I know that its you,
every one of you, who should be
applauded. As we all know, this has
not been a good year for the
economy, my friends. And so I thank
you all the more for being here
tonight. I am truly grateful that
you show your generosity so freely.
Together, we will change the world.
We will make a better life for our
children and our grandchildren.
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Go into your scenes and scratch out lines that arent working for your scene. Use this list as a guide:
1. Delete lines that repeat set decoration.
2. Delete lines that repeat emotion.
3. Delete lines that show intricate steps of a simple action.
4. Delete lines of dialogue until you have a great dramatic or
comedic one-liner.
5. Delete polite exchanges when people meet.
6. Delete speeches that repeat information.
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have to slow down your scenes with people arriving, greeting, getting situated, etc. Nor do
you have to exchange the kinds of pleasantries leaving a scene that you might have to in
real life. Forget Ill see you later as the character walks out. Just cut out of the scene!
I Kill Receptionists
As someone whos read thousands of scripts,
I Kill Receptionists could easily be the title of
my autobiography. Why? Because, in script
after script, I strike my red pen through the
scene where the receptionist helps the main
character make an appointment. Or the one
where she says, You cant go in there!
Theres also a special graveyard for all of
the waiters whove taken valuable screen time
(and minutes of my own life) writing down
dinner orders in scenes. Cut!
And dont get me started on nurses who exist simply to bring the doctor to the patient.
Dr. So-and-so will see you now. Red pen!
So kill your own receptionist. Youll be glad
you did.
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Take ten minutes and edit in one or more of the following ways:
1. Rename minor characters using their professions.
2. Cut character entrances and exits.
3. Edit out minor characters who steal scene time: Receptionists,
waiters, nurses, etc.
4. Look for awkward segue phrases like that reminds me and
speaking of. Then cut the dialogue that follows.
5. Wherever possible, cut Yeah, So, and Well from your
dialogue.
6. Edit dialogue that overuses names for emphasis.
7. Let our imagination run wild by cutting verbal reactions to bad
news.
8. Lose the music unless it comes from a source.
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CHAPTER 10
The Presentation
You thought you only had ten minutes. But in
those stolen ten-minute chunks of time, you
actually finished your screenplay. You started
with an idea. You built it into an outline. You
roughed it out, wrote the first draft and then
rewrote it! The story is well thought out. The
characters have depth. The scenes move the
story along. The pages have emotion. The
read is clean.
Until an executive or producer actually pays
you to do another rewrite, youre finished
screenwriting. Congratulations! Celebrate by
taking ten minutes to do something human for
a change like clip your nails or hug your
spouse.
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TAKE TEN:
MAKE YOUR SCRIPT PRESENTABLE
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TAKE TEN:
REGISTER YOUR SCRIPT
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Why two characters? To give the main character someone to relate with and to suggest
subplots and B-stories that you might not otherwise have time to pitch.
If you describe a hard-nosed cop and a
hooker with a heart of gold, for example, that
pairing alone will suggest career conflict and
romantic problems.
In your pitch, dont just name the characters; describe them:
Method 1: Flaw plus occupation.
Thelma and Louise become ...
A feisty waitress and a put-upon housewife.
Method 2: All flaw.
Harry and Sally become...
A chauvinistic loudmouth and a prissy know-it-all.
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Method 3: Use their issues.
Cole and Malcolm become ...
A boy who communicates
psychologist.
with
spirits
and
disheartened
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Now that youve nailed the second-act activity and drawn the listener into the story, you
need to shake it up a bit. You risk boring
people, even in this short time, unless you imply that a new complication comes around.
Depending on what pitches better, this
could be the complication that comes at the
midpoint of your script or at the end of your
second act.
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How to find your complication? As we discussed earlier, the big complication of the
movie is usually antagonist-driven:
Problems occur when a dark arts teacher
attempts to destroy Harry by using his
knowledge of Harrys past against him.
(Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone)
But complication can also be caused by an
event, a group of events, or the flaw of the
main character.
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from
black-and-white
to
color.
(Pleasantville)
It could be that youre breaking the rules of
structure in an interesting way:
This movie is unlike any in its genre because its told backward, from final reveal to
initial motivation. (Memento)
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TAKE TEN:
PITCH IN YOUR OWN WORDS
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watched one writer earn a smile from a producer at a pitch fest when she joked that she
was writer number 356 then added you
must be exhausted! Having opened with that
I get you icebreaker, the writer helped the
producer to relax for a minute and made her
that much more open to hearing the pitch. Of
course, not every listener is the same, and
youll need to keep your eyes and ears open
for that opening line that will best draw her in.
But having a brief conversational moment,
even one line to establish a human connection, is a very good start.
Find Your Personal Hook
So, tell me about yourself. Great, the producer wants to know about you. Do you go back
to childhood and tell him every fascinating detail? No, you do not. Instead, you log line. Not
your story; you! You create a log line of yourself, focusing on the hook of you and the
highs of your life. Heres one:
A script read for a friend catapults a slacker sandwich girl
into a job at a major studio and a career teaching
screenwriting.
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Marketing Materials
If I had my druthers, all a writer would need
to get her script noticed would be the words
on the page. But theres a lot of competition
out there, so its not a bad idea to have an arsenal of other materials to help market and
promote your work. Before I elaborate more,
heres a rundown of some terms:
TEN-MINUTE LECTURE:
PITCH, QUERY, ONE-SHEET ... AND MORE
A SHORT PITCH briefly describes your story and its appeal,
whetting the appetite of the listener and encouraging them to
read your script. A QUERY LETTER is a letter most often sent
to AGENTS and MANAGERS that requests they consider you
and your script for representation. A PITCH FEST brings producers, representation and writers together, allowing a writer
to briefly pitch his material. A ONE-SHEET is a mini-poster of
a movie that can serve as a visual aid during a short pitch.
This is not to be confused with a ONE-PAGE SYNOPSIS,
which is a page-long, beat-by-beat synopsis of your movie.
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END OF LECTURE
The Query Letter
Some agents and managers find new writers
via query letters and some do not. Still, somewhere in your communication with an interested party, youre going to need to introduce
yourself and your work in letter form. So its
good to take ten minutes to write one down.
The great part is that, if you were following
along with the minute pitch and the personal
pitch, youve already written one!
TAKE TEN:
WRITE A QUERY
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The One-sheet
The one-sheet is simply a mini-poster for your
movie. It often includes a tag line, a one-sentence teaser for the theme or story.
Tag Line Examples:
Man has made his match ... now its his problem.
Blade Runner
Somebody said get a life ... so they did.
Thelma & Louise
Sometimes you have to go halfway around the world to come full circle.
Lost in Translation
A one-sheet can also include the kind of image that youd see on a poster itself. If youre
going to include one, though, make it look
clean and professional. You do your movie a
disservice by cobbling together anything less.
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CHAPTER 11
The Opportunity
At one point, I was going to call this chapter
The Sale. The Sale, however, is not and
should not be the brass ring after you write a
script. Yes, it would be wonderful if it sold outright for a lot of money, but it would also be
wonderful if it turned out to be a terrific writing sample that launched your career rewriting
or adapting existing material. And it would
also be pretty terrific if your script earned you
a staff-writer position on a television show.
How great would it be if this was the script
that got the attention of an independent producer or became the script you filmed yourself, showcasing your talents as both a writer
and director? Or perhaps its the script that
you break up into webisodes that gets you noticed as a new-media writer.
Opportunity is what were going to focus on
in this chapter. Youve got the script. Now you
need the break.
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END OF LECTURE
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Networking
Your script doesnt exist in a bubble and, in
the previous chapter, we focused on the materials you may need to help push it out into
the world. Once you feel its where you want
it, you should do everything in your power to
get it into the hands of an agent, manager, or
producer.
How do you do that? I wish I had just the
right answer to that question. But it wouldnt
hurt to start making as many friends as possible, a.k.a. networking.
Its a small world, and everyone in Hollywood is connected in some way. Even you.
Dont think so? Once you put pen to paper and
remind yourself of who you know and who
they know, youre going to feel like you could
run a studio.
So write it down!
People You Know
Alumni, friends, the cousin who goes to the
right parties, that agents assistant who you
always see at the coffee shop, that dentist
who bragged that his son ran HBO. Youve got
more connections than you think.
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to say thank you to the assistant who connected you with her boss.
I encourage any writer who pitches at a
pitch fest, for example, to create a database of
who they talked to and what was said about
their idea. That way, if a connection is made
or a script is requested, the writer can remind
their new contact that they loved the energy
and the surprise ending, or that they responded to the lonely truck-driving main character. Keeping a database of outcome, even if
its a negative one, will also help if you ever
feel your script has been taken or your words
used without your permission.
TAKE TEN:
CREATE A CONTACT LIST
Discover and connect with your contacts by making the following list:
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Make a list of events that interest you. Then use this list to track
your goals going in and your achievements coming out.
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New Media
There is no greater opportunity in the entertainment industry than can be found in the
wide-open and somewhat untamed world of
new media. Production companies, agencies
and studios are developing new-media divisions at a rapid pace and regularly combing
the Internet for undiscovered talent.
A talented client of mine, Mike Maden, had a
terrific feature script but was having a hard
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Rifle
scope.
Apple
#2
is
sighted
up
in
the
cross
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END P.O.V.
Nates finger squeezes the trigger-BAM! An explosion of dirt next to Nates head.
Nate unfazed. She squeezes slowly-P.O.V. Rifle scope. Apple #2 explodes.
END P.O.V.
DADDY (O.S.)
That the best you can do? Faster!
Nate slams the bolt again, loading another round as BAM! BAM!
BAM! .45 caliber slugs plow into the dirt between her legs,
on either side of her torso, near her head. She squeezes the
trigger-500 YARDS DOWN RANGE
Off camera, we hear the crack of Nates rifle ten more times
along with the ear splitting blast of her Daddys .45 pistol
fifteen more times.
At the same time, we see ten apples explode in a row. Wet
shards of apple flesh sling through the air.
BACK IN THE DIRT
Nate standing up. Glowing with pride. Left hand shielding her
eyes from the sun. Gun slung in the crook of her right arm.
Over her Daddys broad shoulders, we see her smiling face.
Daddy points at her mouth.
DADDY (V.O.)
Whats that?
E.C.U. The smudge of pink lipstick on Nates mouth.
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Nate realizes she forgot to take off her lipstick this morning. She quickly wipes it off with the back of her hand.
NATE
Sorry, Daddy.
She stares at the toes of her tennis shoes. Waits for Thors
hammer to fall. This is really bad.
Finally-DADDY (V.O.)
Go fetch 12 more.
Alls forgiven?! Her face explodes with joy.
NATE
Yessir!
Over Daddys shoulder we see her turn and run for the front
porch.
DADDY (V.O.)
And hurry up! Dont wanna be late for church.
He chuckles to himself.
FRONT OF THE RANCH HOUSE - SAME
Nate turns the corner.
Stops dead in her tracks.
A dark sedan. Govt plates.
A SCARY MAN in mirrored sunglasses and a cheap dark suit
stands on the porch. A bucket of apples at his feet.
He takes a massive bite out of one, the apple flesh crunching
in his yellowed teeth.
He chews.
Smiles at Nate.
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END WEBISODE
Script excerpt of Pink: The Series courtesy of Generate Context LLC. 2009
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Whats the key emotional tell?
Whats the scene button that pushes the series or makes an audience want
to see additional stories from you?
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that covers the story arcs of the characters and show for up to
five years.
Once your feature spec is submitted to a PRODUCTION
COMPANY, it will get COVERAGE, which is a written book
report that covers the scripts strengths and weaknesses. If the
report reads CONSIDER or RECOMMEND, it will most likely
go on WEEKEND READ, which means that all of the producers or CREATIVE EXECUTIVES in the company will read it.
If they like it, they will submit it to a STUDIO. If the studio
likes it, it could SELL. If that happens, your agent will work out
a contract that usually involves you getting paid for at least
one REWRITE on the script after you receive STUDIO NOTES
as to how to make it better and meet its creative and commercial needs. If you rewrite the script to the studios satisfaction,
it may then get a GREEN LIGHT for production.
If your script gets good coverage, but the studio doesnt want
to buy it, production companies all over town will still hear
about you and call you in for MEETINGS. That meeting could
be a MEET AND GREET, in which they get to know you and
ask about your other material. In that case, be prepared to run
through a SHORT PITCH of at least three different projects.
Being charming wont hurt either.
The production company might also consider you for a
REWRITE ASSIGNMENT or BOOK ADAPTATION. In that
case, theyll ask you to pitch your TAKE on existing material.
If youve sold a project, you might also have the opportunity to
sell an original story on pitch alone. Your agent or manager
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END OF LECTURE
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TAKE TEN:
LONG-PITCH GUIDE
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8. ACT 2 ACTIVITY
Reveal the entertaining steps the MC takes toward accomplishing
her mission.
9. ACT 2 SET PIECE
Incorporate at least one trailer-worthy moment that mines the big
idea (concept) of the story.
10. ANTAGONIST ACTIVITY
Bring in the villain of the piece and show how he disrupts the
mission of the MC.
11. MIDPOINT EVENT
Describe an event that heightens the act.
12. EMOTIONAL UPSET
Reveal what the MC is now feeling as a result of her journey thus
far.
13. GOAL AND STRATEGY INTO ACT 3
Synopsize what the MC wants to do in the last part of the movie
and how she intends to do it.
14. STAKES AND TICKING CLOCK
Remind the listener of what the MC has to lose at this point and
how much time she has to accomplish her new mission.
15. ACT 3 ACTIVITY
Using characters, tools and skills obtained on the journey, describe the ways that the MC attempts to accomplish her mission.
16. ACT 3 CLIMAX
Use emotion and detail to describe the clever, winning moment
that saves the day.
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10 Minutes:
TEASER
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10 Minutes:
ACT 1
10 Minutes:
ACT 2A
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10 Minutes:
ACT 2B
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10 Minutes:
ACT 3
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10 Minutes:
SELLING POINTS
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Fade Out
Youve brainstormed, organized, written, rewritten, pitched, and potentially sold your
screenplay. Take ten minutes to jump up and
down and do the happiness dance. Seriously,
you deserve it. Youve worked hard and used
every moment of stolen time to move forward
in your script and your career.
Better yet, you might have discovered that
your small ten-minute window has become a
healthy hour, now that youre finally doing
something that you love. And how great would
it be if that hour could turn into a full day? A
paid day!
Just imagine instead of sneaking ten
minutes of writing on your job, your job could
actually be writing. That way, on your coffee
break, you could ... just drink coffee. Or, order
your new Porsche.
I wish you luck. I wish you lots of writing
time. Id wish you even more good stuff, but
Ive got a script to read and kids to pick up
from school.
And I only have ten minutes.
Mark Fergus
co-writer of Children of Men, Iron Man, First
Snow, Cowboys & Aliens
If you had ten minutes to do one thing to make a scene better, what
would it be?
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Peter Vanderwall
A Year In Mooring, Joule Films; Reverse Angle,
Incendo Media; Shadowheart, Desert Moon
Productions
If you had ten minutes to do one thing to make a scene better, what
would it be?
Make sure the scene starts at the latest possible moment and ends at the earliest possible
moment and still progresses the story.
If you had ten minutes to do one thing to make your script better,
what would it be?
Scan all pages and make sure none of the action paragraphs exceed 3 lines. Break the
longer paragraphs into shorter paragraphs to
make the script more reader-friendly. Important information is often missed by readers because it is buried in dense paragraphs that are
skipped over in favor of reading the dialogue.
If you had ten minutes to do something for your career, what would it
be?
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Do a title search on IMDb (IMDbPro if possible) and make sure there arent any films
being released or in development with your
title. A great title is really important. It needs
to be unique. If you find a film in development
with your title, it might still be OK. Just have a
good alternate ready.
If you had ten minutes to do something for your career, what would it
be?
If you had ten minutes to do one thing to make a scene better, what
would it be?
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SPELL CHECK. And run through the script doing a HUMAN spell check. There are too many
words that are spelled similarly to the one you
want. Think about the difference between any
more and anymore. Or God help you,
threw, through, thorough and though.
382/450
If you had ten minutes to do one thing to make a scene better, what
would it be?
383/450
If you had ten minutes to do something for your career, what would it
be?
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Andy Maycock
writer of The Best Mans Privilege, in development with Josh Stolberg
If you had ten minutes to do one thing to make a scene better, what
would it be?
386/450
David Mamet says theres no need for exposition. So heres an experiment. Imagine a
scene that takes place before the action of
your script. Pretend all the exposition is in
there. Who are these people? Why are they
here? Whats the deal?
Then, go through your first couple of actual
scenes and hack out all the exposition that
you revealed in your (imaginary) opening
scene. Does this new kickoff to the story (now
without exposition and of course STILL without
the imaginary scene) work? If so, keep it. If
not, tell Mamet hes wrong.
If you had ten minutes to do something for your career, what would it
be?
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Elisa Wolfe
screenwriter and owner of Reader Ready
Proofing and Editing Services for Screenwriters
If I had ten minutes to do one thing to make a scene better...
392/450
Marc Haimes
former Vice President of Development at
DreamWorks; screenwriter with projects in development at Summit, Fox and Paramount
If you had ten minutes to do one thing to make a script better, what
would it be?
Read a scene over. Say it out loud. Ask myself: is the rhythm of it working, the back and
forth of the dialogue, the movement from shot
to shot? If not, Ill put my subconscious to
work. Ill write down any questions I might
have in my notes. Ill say, what is a better
button? or whats a more arresting opening
image? Ill read over my notes before I go to
bed. Then Ill forget about them and trust the
rest to the dreamer. More often than not, Ill
be looking back over my questions from the
previous day and realize I now have the
answer.
If you had ten minutes to do something for your career, what would it
be?
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Introduce Carol
Audience learns Carol is rich
395/450
If you had ten minutes to do something for your career, what would it
be?
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If you had ten minutes to do one thing to make your script better,
what would it be?
If you had ten minutes to do something for your career, what would it
be?
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characters dialogue, see patterns, pull out repetitions (unless needed), etc. Do a Header
pass (again, in FD, you can pull these out in
reports). Do an Action/Description pass.
Signe Olynyk
director of The Great American Pitch Fest;
writer and producer of Below Zero
If you had ten minutes to do one thing to make your script better,
what would it be?
399/450
400/450
401/450
If you had ten minutes to do one thing to make your script better,
what would it be?
402/450
the phone, call one person whose work I admire and ask them out to lunch.
Matt Harris
writer of The Starling, optioned by Palm Star
Entertainment, John Lee Hancock attached to
direct; 2002 Nicholl Fellow
If you had ten minutes to do one thing to make a scene better, what
would it be?
If you had ten minutes to do one thing to make your script better,
what would it be?
With only ten minutes to make my script better I would spend that time on the first page
403/450
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along the way: Mrs. Robinson, frat guys, figuring out the location of the church, running out
of gas, etc. Its one of the best sequences in
any film.
If you had ten minutes to do one thing to
make your script better, what would it
be?
Brevity. Read the first ten pages and trim the
excess fat. If your scene descriptions are too
long, then youre better off writing a book.
Also, try to make something really cool/interesting/funny happen at the bottom of that first
page. Maybe its an explosion, or someone is
killed, or just a hilarious joke. Whatever is organic to your story and genre, make it pop at
the bottom of page one.
If you had ten minutes to do something for your career, what would it
be?
406/450
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Tip #1
Heres a simple adjustment that improves any
script: Go through your script (as many pages
as time allows) and delete every word that
ends in ly in the action and description lines.
Words
like
suddenly,
immediately,
crisply. For example, He immediately notices the dent in the bumper becomes He
408/450
notices the dent in the bumper. Without immediately the sentence is cleaner, sharper.
Or, you may want to tweak the word instead of deleting it. For example, if youve
written, Paul sits in his luxuriously appointed
office cut the ly and youve got, Paul sits in
his luxurious office. Do that for every instance and youll be amazed at how this
streamlines your script. It will read stronger
and
punchier.
Guaranteed.
Repeat
at
10-minute intervals until youve gotten
through your script.
Tip #2
409/450
As Im not one to need the perfect environment to write, I often find myself writing in
410/450
If you had ten minutes to do one thing to make your script better,
what would it be?
411/450
everyone on the great things that are happening. No one knows youre successfully moving
forward if you dont tell them.
And, if theres anything extra youd like to add, please do.
412/450
If you had ten minutes to do something for your career, what would it
be?
413/450
414/450
*The writers polled in this survey have all been guests at or students and clients of On The Page, Inc.
ADDENDUM
Stealing Time
Im writing this section from one of those indoor kid gyms. You know one of those
places with the slides and the jumper and the
mermaid wallpaper. In my opinion, places like
this were invented so that my kids can play
while I work.
Armed with my laptop and a plastic bag of
fruit roll-ups, Im ready to write.
Now, if I were here to brainstorm a screenplay, Id take advantage of this time in a
couple of ways.
First, Id brainstorm an idea.
And to do that, Id start with those basic
elements presented at the beginning of this
book:
A movie is usually about a MAIN
CHARACTER with a PROBLEM who engages in
an ACTIVITY with STAKES hanging in the
balance.
So ...
Whos the main character? My kids? Maybe
this is a fantasy movie and the kids gym
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OK, my ten minutes are up. I know this because my own sweet-faced little kid has asked
me for a snack fifteen times and insists that
fruit roll-ups taste like leather. And my older
sweet-faced kid is screaming look at me look
at me look at me while doing a death-defying
stunt off of a rope ladder that makes me
scream out be careful be careful be careful.
Like I said: end of creative time.
But, in those ten minutes, I accomplished
something. I came up with a movie idea. And
thats a pretty good start.
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The Graduate. Screenplay by Calder Willingham, Buck Henry, from the novel by Charles
Webb. Released 1967.
Greys Anatomy. Created by Shonda Rhime,
2005.
Groundhog Day. Screenplay by Danny Rubin,
Harold Ramis. Story by Danny Rubin.
Released 1993.
Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone. Screenplay by Steve Kloves, from the novel by J.K.
Rowling. Released 2001.
Heat. Written by Michael Mann. Released
1995.
I Was a Teenage Werewolf. Written by Herman Cohen, Aben Kandel. Released 1957.
In Bruges. Written by Martin McDonagh.
Released 2008.
In The Bedroom. Screenplay by Rob Festinger,
Todd Field, from a story by Andre Dubus.
Released 2001.
Its A Wonderful Life. Written by Frances
Goodrich, Albert Hackett, Frank Capra.
Released 1946.
425/450
Jaws. Screenplay by Peter Benchley, Carl Gottlieb, from the novel by Peter Benchley.
Released 1975.
Jukebox Zero. Written by Keith Armonaitis and
Lynne Christensen, 2009 Juno. Written by
Diablo Cody. Released 2007.
Kill Bill, Volume 1. Written by Quentin Tarantino. Character: The Bride by Quentin Tarantino, Uma Thurman. Released 2003.
Knocked Up. Written by Judd Apatow.
Released 2007.
L.A. Confidential. Screenplay by Brian Helgeland, from the novel by James Ellroy.
Released 1997.
Legally Blonde. Screenplay by Karen McCullah
Lutz, Kristen Smith, from the novel by
Amanda Brown. Released 2001.
Liar Liar. Written by Paul Guay, Stephen
Mazur. Released 1997.
Life On The Inside. Written by Robb Padgett,
Steven Rowley, 2007.
Little Miss Sunshine. Written by Michael Arndt.
Released 2006.
Little White Lies. Written by Heather Ragsdale,
2008.
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Acknowledgments
This book could not have been written without
the support and infinite patience of my dream
team: Jude Roth, Elisa Wolfe, Elena Zaretsky,
and Abby Anderson, who helped me with
proofing, researching, and general nudging
when distractions with work and family
threatened to spin me off course. Jude, Elisa,
Elena and Abby also happen to be four of the
most talented screenwriters with whom I have
worked. (If youre reading this section, represent or hire them immediately!)
Doug Abrams, brilliant novelist, killer book
agent, sometimes-client and always-friend,
gets a very special thank you for smiling
through the phone and gently reminding me
that, when I finally got my act together, hed
be there to help. And he was.
Special thanks go to the On The Page
writers who contributed to this book: Bill
Birch, Brendan ONeill, Carole Ryavec, Chad
Diez, Chip James, Geoff Alexander, Heather
Ragsdale,
Jessica
St.
James,
Jocelyn
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Seagrave, Karen Nation, Karin Gist, Keith Armonaitis, Leslie Lawson, Lynne Christensen,
Matt Harris, Mike Maden, Nick Johnson, Paul
Pender, Ryan Boyd, Stephen Cowan, and Suzanne Keilly. It was without any hesitation that
I included their writing alongside that of some
of the most well-known and accomplished
writers in the business.
Thanks to Ken Lee, who calmly pushed me
to double my page count and, in doing so,
sparked ideas for a whole new set of writing
tools and exercises.
And finally, I cannot leave this acknowledgment page without an extra thank you to my
family. My daughters, Sara and Rita Dodson,
lived through Christmas 09 with their
mommys head buried in her computer ...
even more than usual. My husband, Patrick
Francis Dodson, did double-dad duty and also
put up with my constant requests to check
IMDb. And my mom, Sydelle Pittas, ran her
practiced eye over anything legal, while trying
her best not to give her two cents about content something that was very, very difficult
for her.
Author Biography
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